RanmaKazooie?
by Darkon Shadows
Summary: Current: World 1-2 Rocket Knight Adventures, the stuff that you never saw.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma One Half, any character mentioned from Banjo Kazooie one and Tooie or Skunk Fu!

Summary: Ranma has a run with an annoying red bird… in a different dimension thanks to Jusenkyo.

Note: If you don't like my story, you don't have to read it, if you like my story, but not the way I progress it, then write a similar story to it, that's what fan fictions naturally are in the first place.

Story: Ranma-Kazooie?

Chapter 1: When two worlds collide into a third. (Kazooie-centric chapter)

"OH NO, Honored customer fall into spring of one time Jusenkyo portal… I only know that it works only once, however I have no clue where he might end up or if he'll be alive when he gets there rumor has it portal has tendency to hurl person out at high velocities, it is unknown since no one has ever come back from one time portal." The Jusenkyo man said as he watched the pigtail youth had vanished the second he touched the water without even causing a splash while the panda that knocked him into it just sat there contemplating the fact that he just lost his meal ticket.

Ranma the human with a pigtail and the upcoming martial artist of general chaos felt everything was moving so fast the world was spinning and he felt like he was falling, the world was getting fuzzy, before he felt his body slam into something that was red was soft to the touch and was apparently either heavy or it was moving faster then he was before everything blacked out.

**Elsewhere at a relative time to the previous bit of story.**

"Are you sure you put everything in your backpack Kazooie, also won't the fans be disappointed that we're not going to make a sequel to banjo-tooie?" It was a bizarre looking bear named Banjo, he was wearing yellow shorts and a shark tooth necklace and he was addressing a petite red bird who reached up to his chest height because of her legs, she was currently hugging her best friend goodbye while standing near a large puddle of liquid.

"Look just get my sister Kazooey to do stand in for me, she's an excellent stunt double and nobody would know the difference even goggle boy wouldn't notice; other then the fact that she's less sarcastic then me, besides I heard he was to busy getting into a divorce case with his wife, oh that'll be the hills, I seriously want to go adventuring on my own and yes I made sure to pack everything before I use this one time Jusenkyo portal Mumbo made with minor help from Humba, I didn't think it'd ever happen either. Oh and…" Before Kazooie could go any further Banjo slapped her hard, causing her to quiet down and stare at him.

"You told me to do that if you ever had motor mouth syndrome again, sorry Kazooie." Banjo muttered under his breath while putting his hand to his face as recognition appeared into Kazooie eyes.

"Right, I forgot about my open mouth stuff foot in syndrome. In any case I'm going where no game character has gone before… well maybe some might have, but still Banjo I heard B was interested in you last I heard and I'll miss you, the Jinjo's, card night, practically everything else we've ever done together as I go off into the wild blue yonder… Yes I know it's a magical puddle, give me a break I'm trying to be dramatic here Banjo and I never knew Humba's middle name was Jusenkyo that was really interesting and how it ties to her magical transformation puddles. Also did you ever consider how the aglet is hardly ever…?" With that and getting another slap from Banjo, Kazooie dove into the one time Jusenkyo portal.

"Don't let life get you down slowpoke!" Kazooie yelled from the closing portal.

"Sheesh, I sure hope she'll be okay… at least she took the magic backpack with her and she's right I need to get out more." With that Banjo left the area to go look for Kazooey and to ask B out on a date, leaving the one thing he wondered was "Kazooie had a sister?" as he walked away with a few tears in his eyes missing his friend already without her ability to cause trouble for him to fix.

**Kung Fu Animal World…**

**Rules to said Animal World.**

**All inhabitants are animals. (important for the plot in the next few moments)**

**Interspecies relationships work without question, though there may be problems in the relationships because of predator prey species issues. (Not as important, but can be useful for the plot)**

**Human like structures may exist here, but there are no humans and the closest you could get would be a monkey or ape. (Standard anime rules apply otherwise for random objects like robot clowns which are not truly alive)**

**The animals that know Kung Fu are usually referred by their species name, but that could get confusing later on in this fiction as there is more then one animal of the same name that can fight. One example a bunch of ninja monkeys but all them being named Monkey would be confusing.**

Two portals opened up in mid air in the middle of a valley of legend of a dragon that was punished by the heavens for his arrogance he blamed the animals of the nudist colony that lived there, also they all trained in obscure fighting styles just the kind of thing where Ranma would thrive in, Kazooie however wouldn't know the first thing about advance forms of combat other then coughing eggs and doing a wing style of dance fighting, other then high jumping most of her abilities are combination based in a tag team function, she really need to get out of her backpack more often which is the reason she left her cozy second home of Spiral Mountain, she had a means to get home easily no worries there.

Kazooie flew out of one portal feet first, while a familiar body shot out of the other and this resulted in a collision that will change the Kung Fu Animal World, when either of them wake up that is as they were both knocked unconscious by the high-speed trauma.

**Two hours later.**

Kazooie groaned as she started stirring on the ground, she may have been lazy but she was probably the toughest Red-Crested Breegull alive, thanks to the honeycomb health system at least and having once been transformed into a green dragon, but seeing as this wasn't a game world the system was currently not working as it should have to protect her from such high end collisions.

"Did that fat nugget captain Blubber sit on me again?" Kazooie stated as she sat up looking around at the new world that surrounded her, with green grassy plains and forests scattered around the areas only to spot a grizzly/honey bear humanoid hybrid with an odd pigtail, he was kind of cute looking, but that thought died the second it appeared in Kazooies' head as it was stabbed by millions of little versions of Kazooie all proclaiming she wouldn't know the meaning of love if it bit her.

After a brief flashback of memory she realized that this person came out of another Jusenkyo portal, but for some reason he didn't look right and wasn't he human before he exited the portal and he seemed to be in a coma.

With a sigh Kazooie knew where this was going and decided to open her big beak and say it as loud as she could while standing up.

"Oh I just know this won't end well; also why am I always paired with a bear, but I guess I got to find him some help and maybe learn some medical skills while I'm at it… oh right my backpack has magical healing abilities… but does that magic still work and if it doesn't… HEY PLAYER CAN YOU DIRECT ME TO PICK THIS GUY UP WITH MAYBE THE A BUTTON OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT!" Kazooie just stood there for while blinking as nothing happened.

"That's funny I don't feel a control stick connecting to me by any of the millions of fans of our game, I guess I'll just have to do this myself without having my body possessed by a player, I really hate having to do work sometimes, but I guess it can't be helped now lets see..." Kazooie pulled her blue backpack off and started rummaging through it and pulled out a large black mallet, a pair of battle fans, a deus ex machina detector, a bag of bird seed, a fighting robotic clown dummy and finally a world map.

Looking at she saw it had indeed changed, on the map there were the words Nudist Valley Territory (Refer to as The Valley), which was next door to the Valley of Peace, Dragons territory and some place named Thorn Valley.

"Hey hey hey, do you want to beat me up today?" The robotic clown said before Kazooie quickly stuffed it back into the backpack in a flash of anger, she had forgotten that thing could talk like many other things that have talked in the past like the giant ice cube she and Banjo might have murdered by melting accidentally.

Going back to her map she looked for the nearest encampment, apparently the Valley of Peace was quite active as well as Thorn Valley, but too far to travel to right now and the Ninja Monkey Encampment didn't sound like a good place to visit, so she went with the safe sounding option of going to Panda's Dojo marked on the map that passed by several other peoples living locations also marked on the map, but none of them read as doctor to her.

"What kind of world is this that doesn't have a decent doctor and all the nearby people's names are just after generic animals in any case time to grin and bear it again, I so hope this world doesn't have anything remotely resembling a long ass fetch quest or else this could get dull real quick." Kazooie; after stowing everything in it, swung her packs open mouth towards the boy and it engulfed the odd bear before closing up slightly bulgier then usual and she started hoofing it as fast as she could trot her as backpack's stasis function still worked and it was one of the few things that still did, her backpack had always had magical powers and if it suddenly lost them all she'd be worried about it as all her random stuff was in there and it's storage space is where she lived, mobile homes is for the birds as she'd say.

On another note she remembered that the healing function requires the user to stretch it into a sleeping bag and since the guy couldn't obviously do that and she can't do it since she wouldn't be the user, it would only heal the person who actively takes part in using the function so no healing for bear boy, whoever came up with the save yourself function for the magic in this backpack was crazy.

**Panda's Dojo.**

"Ah Skunk it is time for today's lesson, also you have yet to do the thousand crouches of doom and you need to work on your dancing spider style, in any case this reminds me of those tasty plums I used to share with my old friend dragon ." Panda started to yammer on as Skunk groaned, he had to wonder what life would be like if he hadn't met master Panda, he probably would have never met Fox, Rabbit or any of the other valley dwellers then again he didn't see much of anyone else other then them, is their world so small? Then his wondering mind quickly lost track as he wondered if he could get out of doing those crouches by getting the plums for master Panda.

**Later underneath a rather specific plum tree in Dragon's territory.**

"Banjo did say I was always bad with directions and why doesn't this map have a magical you are here function instead of your in the general ball park, at least my deus ex machina detector is still working." Kazooie said leaning against the tree absentmindedly picking a plum and stuffing it into her beak watching the detector; her backpack next to her, jump a tiny bit every time she ate a plum.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say I'm sitting right in the middle of what will eventually be a fetch quest for some hero… I just wish I wasn't waiting for directions." Kazooie stated in a bored tone as the detector started to suddenly spark wildly out of control, when a Skunk came running up with a straw hat on his head, quickly stowing the detector in her backpack and putting it on she waited to give a good quip.

"Oh gee, looks like the stink bomb patrol has just arrived." Kazooie said to Skunk as he stopped and stared at Kazooie and his face turned bright red.

"Yeah well, hey is this the plum tree master Panda was talking about, uh… hey who are you anyway?" Though Skunk had known everyone in the valley even a few ninja monkeys hang out with him now and then, this person was completely new and she was sure pretty like Fox, in fact he was blushing out of control before he released a bit stink in embarrassment.

"I don't know about panda's but I'm looking for one's dojo which you should obviously know where it is, though you're certainly a tad slow and smell worse then a dead anything; look into something about bathing in tomato sauce as that might help, also I'm the ever wonderful wisecracking Red-Crested Breegull Kazooie, nice to meet you Stinky the Kid." After having said that and bowed with a flourish of her wings Kazooie pulled out a Kazoo and played a little fanfare tune before putting it away behind her back.

Skunk just blushed harder and released a small but condensed cloud of stink at how close Kazooie was and she just seemed so elegant to him if a little quirky.

"Uh… HEY, did you just call me an idiot…" It a moment for Skunk to finally realize he'd been insulted, several times within the minute of meeting her.

"Yes and I also stated that you smell bad molasses brains, so what kind of quest requires that you gather plums Stinky?" Kazooie said idly eating another plum in front of Skunk just reminding him why he came here.

"You see I'm kind of doing this so Panda will ease up on my training he's been pushing it lately so I decided to earn a break by getting him some of these plums he mentioned… wait a minute, do you work for Dragon?" It finally occurred to Skunk whose territory he was in, just proving to Kazooie that the kid was a little slow as he took a defensive stance.

"Actually Stinky Mc Stink A Lot, I got kind of lost looking for a doctor and I'm new to the area, also if I worked for this dragon what would I have done upon meeting you a sap for brains kid? In any case let's just get however many plums you need and vamoose because in situations like this, people are usually attacked by a large mob on this kind of quest." Kazooie stated rather bluntly, looking around and seeing nothing of the sort in this small area that surrounded the tree.

"Well… HEY, STOP MAKING FUN OF ME I'M NOT A KID AND I'M NOT STUPID!" Of course this little out burst, was followed by sounds of monkeys howling and a red Fox and a Rabbit to run up looking around wildly as Ninja Monkeys wearing full body black suits and white mask started flooding the area.

"Yeah, well at least I'm not the one that set off the aggro attack." Kazooie said for once in her life pleased that her beak wasn't the one to cause the assault of hundred of minions directly, sure indirectly but she takes what she can get.

"Skunk who is this and why did you come here without someone to make sure you stayed safe." Fox said angry that Skunk came to such a dangerous area on his own while getting ready to fight the massive wave of monkeys.

"Look drama queen, can we talk about this later and how a kid led me into a dangerous situation with all his shouting and the fact that things were so quiet under this tree a second ago, also since you're the only ones who don't look aggressive in my general direction I'm with you guys." Kazooie stated before taking in a large breath of air and then ran a quick circle around the tree breathing out a large amount of fire the created a wall of flames that held back some of the monkeys while others where jumping down into the tree from above off a nearby cliff.

"Well don't just stand there, get moving!" Kazooie said before see took to the air and spotted what appeared to be the leader approaching the area, there could be many sad things to say about your leader when he was entirely visible from a mile away and being a lot more different helps when all the monkeys looked entirely alike you couldn't even tell some were female.

She had the ever slightest looking smirk on her face, this was too easy.

**One epic scene later.**

"Wasabi" Baboon the leader of the monkeys fell down covered in slime and a lot of the monkeys were retreating from the area as the valley dwellers plus one left with what they came for.

The dwellers of the valley were peaceful and small in number, also there was this cowardly Tiger and Kazooie couldn't help but insult his already battered courage, but otherwise she spent more time ragging on Rabbit as he wasn't as bright as the Skunk was and she had even meaner things to say about him.

"I think your brain is the size of a grain of rice and you're a little slow to see the forest for the trees, you're also too cute and fluffy to be all that tough." Kazooie took an idle side glance at a female Crane who was walking along with them that seemed to continually look in the opposite direction of Rabbit and was blushing madly that Kazooie noticed it, they were all walking to a hill top past a bunch of stuff that look like it was used for exercising.

"Hey Panda we're back from our mission and we have a rather disrespectful tag along that doesn't seem to get my greatness." Rabbit said in a snobbish tone.

"Funny, because I thought there was no mission as Stinky did it to get out of exercising and he really didn't know any better not to get into trouble as his brain is the size of a walnut, but at least he's more threatening then you are Peter Cottontail and that's because his smell is worse then his fighting ability." This earned Kazooie a glare from Rabbit and Skunk; Skunk didn't mind this ribbing quite as much because she at least said something resembling that he was smarter then Rabbit.

"Right… well who is this, that has so eloquent a tongue on her and why has she come here?" Panda saw Kazooie pull her bulgy blue satchel off her back and then held it upside down and then with a flick of her right wing it opened up and dumped out something that was twice as large as the satchel itself causing everyone to gasp, it was a rather average sized bear hybrid with red shirt and black pants as well as kung fu slippers.

"Yeah, like none of you haven't seen a magic backpack before (or clothes for that matter), oh and I needed a doctor for him he's in a coma and I could use some help getting him fixed up after he ended up in an accident." Kazooie said idly while they were all staring at her, they missed her muttering the line about clothes, but who was she to talk she didn't wear any at all compared to everyone else in her world.

"Is that how you can breathe fire, like how you fit the guy into the backpack when he's bigger then it and what is that he's… oh and where'd you come from?" Skunk was bouncing around to much to Kazooie so she whacked him upside the head with her wing and he quieted down, obviously nobody saw her egg launching capabilities other then white hairy leader of the monkeys who she egged on literally.

"You can breathe fire? An interesting and dangerous ability, we may be able to help your friend however you have to find some plums from the hill of moons to…." Panda looked at the plums that Skunk had in the straw hat he was holding and smiled.

"Been there, done that wide load and I must say this is the first fetch quest that didn't require me to run out somewhere and come back, so can you help him?" Kazooie crossed her wings, while rudely tapping her talons on the ground.

"Yes I can, it'll only take an hour and with Turtles help he'll be up and aware in no time." Panda didn't seem remotely angered at her jab at his weight, though he was apparently suspicious of her appearance here if his eyes were to be judged thoroughly.

"Yeah well can you call me when he wakes up, we'll need some time to talk things out and he might seem a little confused at first, especially about being in the middle of a community of nudist animals boy won't that surprise the pants off him." Kazooie finally got Panda to glare at her, but he didn't say anything and walked off with whoever the bear was on his shoulder and ordered Skunk to follow him with the plums.

"You really shouldn't try to get on pandy's bad side, also I'm a lot better then I look so you wouldn't mind if I went on for hours about how great I am what with my super cool moves and ..." Rabbit then got a very devious look from Kazooie that didn't bode well for him, as seconds later he had been punted very far away over a hill.

"Nice kick, I never could get that kind of distance with him." Fox said as she stood next to Kazooie thinking about where Rabbit would land.

"Yeah well his head is really thick Queenie, Stinky certainly likes you and Cottontail seems to really like the color red or else his eyes would be on someone who actually likes him in this one Ox community." Kazooie said motioning to Crane who blushed even more furiously at being noticed as she would usually be off somewhere gossiping or doing other stuff with elder Duck.

"You know, you're not very nice and yes everyone but Rabbit knows about Crane that's why I keep shooting him down and toying with him, I just hope he can take a hint and also I am interested in Skunk, but not quite that much yet I'm more like a big sister right now as he's not all that mature yet." Fox wanted to be friends with this newcomer and she was making it awfully hard with her big beak, hey there weren't that many girls around and you had to talk to a log to get rid of the boredom sometimes when everyone was busy and there was no one to train with, plus when the majority of people in the area were bees and lightning bugs well you see how long you stay sane.

"Funny because I think you just won't date Stinky yet because of his tendency to skunk when he gets embarrassed and also you should understand I'm very annoying don't worry about whatever crush he may have on me; Queenie, he's all yours when I figure out how to get that bird and bunny in one nest." With that Kazooie sauntered off with a smile on her beak, leaving behind a flustered Fox to think for while, with a completely red blushing Crane.

**An hour later alone, off to the side in a little grove.**

"Hey wake up, oh and do so slowly or else you scream like a little girl and in terrible shock causing the situation to go downhill from where it is already and I really don't want to explain myself just yet how I'm from somewhere else, by the way I'm Kazooie sorry about this." The bear sat up groggily looking around to get his bearings when he raised his hand like paw to his head and then realized what it was and went to scream, but before he could a mango was shoved in his mouth and he finally noticed who had been talking to him.

"Stuff it, I'm the only one who can cause problems around here with my big mouth and lets start things slowly so you can get it off your chest what you think might be wrong with this situation and I want you to state it slowly what you remembered before you black out from our rather nasty collision." Kazooie exclaimed calmly enough, trying to hold back the massive build up of insults about to come out of her mouth and he silently ate a chunk of mango as he lifted it from his mouth.

"Well obviously to I'm a bear, your talking and we're in a place that seems eerily colorful; logically this has to be a dream or a side effect of having gone to Jusenkyo the pools of sorrow with pops before he somehow became a panda bear and then he… KNOCKED ME INTO ONE OF THE SPRINGS, AWW GREAT I'M A BEAR NOW LIKE POPS HOW CAN THIS GET ANY WORSE." Ranma must have said the magic words, because Kazooie couldn't hold it back any longer, that and you never say the words "How can it/this get any worse" around Kazooie or else the effect would be twice as worse then normal when things do indeed get worse or Kazooie could insult you a lot, but both usually happened to differing degrees.

"Well for starters Meathead you could be stuck in a entirely different dimension with a different set of rules from the norm from wherever you came from, the pools had nothing to do with you being a bear so be glad I have good recall of memory that being here transformed you instantaneously into a bear, you could hopelessly forever search for a way back home and finally to normality only to end up in a far worse situation then whatever could possibly happen here, you could also be incredibly stupid and not accept my offer to help you on whatever wacky adventures come your way since I've been on quite a few myself and I'll know what to do in those kinds of situations, also we're suddenly surrounded by hostile monkey ninja's looking for revenge for something I did a while ago and I'm not about to be captured by a bunch of lame brained banana eating bug infested kindergarten rejects… of course I don't think an apology now will make you guys leave me alone right?" Kazooie after a long winded amount of talking and after the insult to the monkeys that appeared around them, they slowly started advancing on her with angry looks in their eyes and she back away slowly.

"… I'm not in China anymore? Pops isn't here? Oh, yeah I forgot to introduce my self to Kazooie. What will I do without pops to train me; maybe I should maybe seek a better education then what all those monks and other martial artist taught to me." In the meantime while he was slowly coming to terms with his situation Kazooie had punted a ninja monkey into a nearby tree, twirled around in a sweeping fashion with her wings tripping up and knocking them away at the same time and then she coughed up a oval green shape that explode on the nearest cluster on ninja monkeys sending them flying.

"HEY MEATHEAD ANY TIME NOW WOULD BE HELPFUL." Kazooie stated trying to get a monkey off her back and another one managed to hit her right leg with a kick causing her to fall down and get swarmed suddenly causing Ranma's protect the weak instincts to kick in, his father may not have had morals but he certainly did and protecting the weak was one of things a martial artist is posed to do and here he was worried about being a bear all of the sudden and maybe nowhere near his whatever could be called home.

"I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry for what I'm about to do to you." And thus the fight was renewed and when the valley dwellers arrived, there were plenty of out cold monkeys and one annoyed bear, as Kazooie kept taunting him to hit her after hearing he wouldn't hit a girl and thinks that girls are weak.

End Chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma or Kazooie, along with other cameo's or mentioned minor crossovers as they come up.

Summary: Ranma and Kazooie tell each other about their backgrounds to the dwellers of the valley; they aren't all that different.

Chapter 2: Backgrounds and the Fan-fan. (This time with more Ranma.)

**A few odd days after the incident of Ranma waking up.**

Sure it had been a few peaceful days, but Ranma and Kazooie were slowly driving everyone mad because they kept taunting each other and it seemed like Ranma couldn't win against Kazooie who had flagrant disregard for keeping her big beak shut and it was all out war without too many injuries, Ranma would never hit a girl, but he certainly would hit Rabbit for belittling Kazooie or anyone for that matter and then he'd turn around and belittle Kazooie himself, it just kept getting confusing and all anyone knew was that Kazooie was getting to Ranma ever so slowly they were all just waiting for him to snap.

Of course in the few times of peace they could see Ranma and Kazooie chatting heatedly with each other and Ranma commented on something about trying to get Kazooie to leave him alone and she made a comment back that he'd have half of one brain cell left without her making up for his lack off any in first place.

"Stupid bird girl… won't help me get home and says that she wouldn't know how as she only knows a way to her home and she wants to have a grand adventure, but girls are weak… then why do I feel like I'm the one that's losing some kind of battle GRAH!" Ranma punched a nearby tree and it caved inwards on itself and he wasn't even tired or hurt from the effort to relieve his anger, he was sitting on the ground and feeling really angry, because of that one bird who knew how to create a similar portal back to her world, but not his.

"I'm the stupid one, pot calling the kettle black here Mr. Angry and don't you realize you have a great opportunity to do things no other person from where you're from has done before? Also I'm definitely tougher then I look, just come to the camp fire get together I'm throwing tonight and I'll share some stories of my adventures just to prove that, if you don't come you're a lazy loaf and weak in an area that you could use a little more help in and I'm not talking about you being mentally deader then a zombie who's only concern is to eat food." Kazooie said as she sauntered on past Ranma talking idly as if she had nothing better to do.

"Heh, reminds me..." It was all that came from Ranma before he started laughing some and quite uproariously to, her comment had been pretty much a dead on insult for his father.

"Eh, you could tell me your story later gunk between the ears, we'll see who can tough things out." Kazooie gave a wry smirk and walked off leaving a still laughing Ranma to think about it; he heard a kazoo being played in a rather strange tune, he slowed down in his laughter and looked after where Kazooie walked off and then looked at his human like bear paw, then looked at the tree and it started to slowly sink in, but he didn't know entirely what it was that he was getting in the first place so it would take a while.

At least he finally had come to terms with being a bear; a speaking one still wearing his normal clothing which miraculously transformed with him having woke up among a camp of nudist animals that practice several forms of kung fu; some of them highly odd, then there was Kazooie who isn't even from this world and has mentioned as much seeing him come out of another portal like hers.

**Elsewhere.**

"Hmm... this is serious we need a fourth Fan-fan user for the four winds technique and soon or else the Ninja Monkeys may actually succeed… I'll just have to get Duck, Crane and Fox to teach Skunk and maybe our guests if they're interested." Panda couldn't find any connection between Kazooie and Dragon, though he had this odd hunch that Kazooie was like another powerful mythological being, but he just couldn't place which one she reminded him of.

**Later that night.**

"Is everybody here?" Panda asked as they sat around the campfire.

"Tiger said he's going to be late so let's… hey Ranma something wrong?" It didn't take long for everyone other then Skunk to notice Ranma curled into a fetal position as soon as he heard the word Tiger, for some reason due to some odd events of the past few days they kept missing each other and Ranma only knew everyone's name; everyone but Tigers as everyone seemed to forget mentioning it to him, also Ranma and Kazooie kind of kept to themselves and tonight they were going to tell stories of their adventures, though Kazooie would have to modify her stories a little since the level of technology around here wasn't all that great as it was in the Kazooie termed gaming universe which bent to all levels of technology at the same time and bent every law of reality possible as well.

"Oh that'll make an interesting story, which ones the fraidy cat and which ones the chicken?" Everyone groaned because Kazooie just might start another war of words which no one but her would seemingly get through without harm.

Ranma fidgeted a little at Kazooie's jab, but settled down a little and watched as Kazooie quickly pulled out a large metal bowl from her backpack and then pour a copious amount of different fruits into it from the very same satchel that didn't even look to have enough room for all the stuff coming out of it.

"What can I say the food is on me or was on my back a minute ago, in any case do you want to hear the many tales of the good, the bad and the witch?" Kazooie said sparking some interest in everyone and Skunk motioned for her to go on wildly, causing her to smirk.

"Hold your running nose Stinky, because you just might not catch it the way you smell, my story begins with a friendly honey bear named Banjo, his younger sister Tootie, a wicked old witch whose heart was nonexistent as far as anyone knew anyway; also she had a terrible knack for rhyming, and me the ever wonderful wisecracking Red-Crested Breegull Kazooie." Kazooie stopped and pulled out her kazoo to yet again to play a fanfare tone with it, then continued to her story which had been interrupted several times.

**The interruptions**_,_ **In Kazooie's story.**

_First_

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad to carry him on my back even if he did weigh quite a bit I mean he was a full grown bear." She shrugged off their stares at her talking about her ability to carry someone as heavy or heavier then Ranma on her back without a problem or getting tired.

_Second_

"Doesn't that hurt, I mean how can you actually fire eggs out of your throat like that?" Crane asked as she was confused about how Kazooie managed to pull off the bizarre stunt of egg firing.

"You should see what Kirby and a Yoshi can do, but I'd rather not talk about them and besides the eggs are formed from energy and it doesn't harm me with the exception that I shouldn't do it while sick or I might accidentally create a highly combustible egg bullet that could get stuck in my throat, last time that happened my throat tickled for five seconds, also it's not just my mouth where they come out at." Of course after her explanation Ranma perked up and was very interested in learning about long range energy attacks and would have to figure out how to do it himself later, just not in an egg form as it seemed to be Kazooie's trademark technique with multiple different uses such as normal, goop, fire, freezing, explosive, recon and sabotage by using a miniature grey version of herself that had a short lifespan.

_Third_

"So he was required to pound your beak into the ground repeatedly to actually continue your quest and not only that, but you can still jump exceedingly high even with all that weight on top of you?" Fox was rather entranced by such a odd tale of the two companions; she was beginning to see why Kazooie always made wisecracks about others, when she explained her ability to temporarily stretch her legs to perform a spring like maneuver to help her friend climb cliffs and reach high up areas.

"Yeah and not only that, I can fly while carrying his weight as well, though he had to be wearing my backpack for me to do that." Everyone looked at Kazooie with even more shock and confusion.

_Fourth_

"Yes he was my best friend, he's always friendly and I did in fact let him do all that stuff to me; but my beak had gotten him into a lot of trouble as well, not to mention we had to fight the witch a second time after she was rejuvenated back to a semi life state, when we learned that she had two sisters…" Kazooie continued her intriguing tale of interesting places; so far she had explained stories of scary places, happy go lucky places, woods where the seasons can change in instant, a snow covered peak, a massive boat and things that had life where there normally would be an absence of.

_Fifth_

"HE USED YOU AS A WHAT!" Almost everyone but Ranma screamed and Ranma just had this look of understanding on his face, he was however sitting far away from tiger when he had arrived quite a while ago in the middle of Kazooie's tale and taking weary glances every now and then.

"A living flail, what's so hard to get about that? It really toughened me up quickly and stopped hurting after a while, but you have to remember Banjo was already using me to bash holes in the ground and bust down walls and doors, my beak is probably indestructible because it never bent or became blunt after all that." Questioningly Kazooie looked at everyone like it wasn't all that shocking; she was getting looks of disbelief from everyone that she had been used like that or maybe their faces got stuck that way after she told them about how she learned the ability to scale walls at ninety degree angles so she didn't have to fly Banjo everywhere.

**After Kazooie's tale had ended.**

"Well I end up around the borders of the valley here and crashing into the runner up for slowest brain around, because Rabbits is probably down to half a grain of rice because he got hungry." Everyone including Rabbit actually took this in good humor, considering her foot in beak syndrome which seemed to be an unstoppable spirit unto itself.

The valley dwellers couldn't be mad at Kazooie as she had told some really interesting tales, not to mention she was like a living Swiss army knife of tricks and as they say what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger, but what does that mean for Kazooie who always seemed to laugh off what seemed to be excruciatingly painful circumstances.

Panda thought about how while Kazooie wasn't a skilled fighter she was talented with her beak in more ways then anyone could figure out and she was a lot tougher then she appeared on the outside as she really had a interesting method to her madness and it seems that this Banjo character went along with her in a strange brotherly way when it came to said madness considering her body doesn't even have scar on it and the abilities she's shown must mean the stories are true if the souvenirs in her backpack didn't back up the statements.

Some couldn't help but chuckle at Bird's; one of the resident valley dwellers, disbelief of any of this, but then again Ox another dweller had mastered the art of No Mind, whose to say that Kazooie hadn't been on such a grand adventures, the ability to breath fire tends to pale in comparison to an experienced adventurers story.

"Well now let's hear some stories from the un-bear-able chicken here, I can tell from his apparent nature he's been abused a lot more mentally then I have been physically, he probably has got a long and seriously tragic story." Kazooie saw Ranma nodded before he went into his tale and the reactions were far worse then say Kazooie explaining how she was used to clog some kind of machinery with her body, at least she was a practiced contortionist and was able to survive something that should have been incredibly painful… and technically one hundred percent lethal.

**The interruptions in Ranma's story.**

_First_

"That's horrible, taken from your mother at such a young age…" Fox said somberly some tears started to build up, but at least Kazooie's upbeat story of her adventures and her mocking voice cutting into Ranma's story kept the mood up.

_Second_

"HE DID WHAT; I WOULDN'T EVEN PUT DRAGON THROUGH THAT EVEN IF I KNEW HE WOULD BECOME WHAT HE IS TODAY!" Panda stated loudly as he had never heard of someone putting their own child in such danger as to out run a pack of rabid wolves at that age or throwing him off a cliff multiple times. (Note: as far as the valley dwellers know Ranma's always been a bear and Kazooie just came from a far off land where she had some wild adventures with someone who seemed to use her as a weapon)

"Deplorable actions that, I don't believe anyone even Dragon would conceive of doing something like that, without being completely evil or ridiculously stupid." Turtle the doctor of the valley had to agree with Panda in his sentiments.

_Third_

"I may be a jerk, but that… that's just not right." Rabbit said as he heard of some of the bizarre training methods and other situations Ranma's father got him into.

"My word, that man sounds like the worst kind of brute I've ever heard of." Duck said, she was short and like a grandmother to most of the dwellers and usually spent a lot of time teaching Crane some rather interesting stuff, like how to make carrot cake as Duck was also the valleys resident cook.

_Fourth_

"Obviously your mother is probably still alive and has delusions of grandeur or something and your father probably didn't want you to remember her, given your fathers track record so far I wouldn't be surprised how much he's lied to you given the fact he is a craven thief, at least you're not him Meathead." Everyone was shocked by Kazooie's analysis or the fact that she said something even remotely close to nice for once.

_Fifth_

"WHAT!" That was what everyone had stated, except Tiger and Kazooie who had somber looks on their faces.

"No wonder he's afraid me and I'm supposed to be the big coward." Tiger said as he was off to the side head held low.

"Ouch …. I thought I heard it all, but fish wrap and a pit of cats driven to berserk like tendencies due to hunger, I don't know who to feel more sorry for, the cats or the person who was thrown to them and I'm to understand it was until you learned the technique?" What Kazooie said caused everyone to look at her in horror for suggesting it happened more then one time and after Ranma said that he had been thrown in more then twenty times altogether… and that his father found out the full effects of the Cat Fist fighting style after the fact… lets just say any sign of Ranma's father anywhere near here would mean something far worse then death. (A constant in all Ranma fan fictions)

**After Ranma's rather sad story.**

"I'm surprised you are still good person and have those kind of morals for all you have been through, especially with a father like that, now come with me, I may be able to help you with your fears and also teach you a few meditation techniques." Panda led Ranma away when everyone turned to Kazooie as she stretched out her backpack into a sleeping bag; it was really getting dark out.

"I'll set up here for the night so I wouldn't worry about me Limbo Legs (Crane), Queenie, Mindless and Brainless (Ox and Bird), Mud Face (Pig), Fluffy Mcfluffens (Rabbit), The Amazing White Whimper (Tiger), Tur-dull (Turtle), Underfoot (Mantis), The Living Stick (Snake), Short Pie (Duck) and say goodnight to Meathead and the Mystical Round One for me would you Stinky." Then after one second of lying down and putting a red night mask on her eyes, Kazooie was out like a light ignoring all the angry glares from everyone she gave insulting nicknames to, she had been sleeping in random spots around the valley for the past few nights.

"I'm not that stinky am I?" Skunk looked to Ox.

Ox was absentmindedly standing there, while Bird on his back was still trying to think of a good way to get back at Kazooie for calling him mindless or was he brainless? His head started to hurt as he didn't know which one he was and it really hard to figure out, he was to lazy to be doing this kind of extreme thinking.

"What? Oh it's night guess I should go to sleep." Ox said all of the sudden like he hadn't been paying attention to anything at all, as he usually slept so often it wasn't a contest if there was a who could sleep longer contest.

"Never mind." Skunk forgot he was talking to the resident No Mind master.

**The next day, with Ranma, Kazooie, Fox, Crane, Duck and Skunk in a tall grass field.**

"Okay that's neat and everything, but can't Short Pie and Limbo Legs do it without needing the fans? It's hard enough having to wield them with wings when your wings can move air themselves, at least I know where to rate their intelligence now ." This caused both Duck and Crane slapped their faces, why didn't they ever consider that and they both looked at Kazooie with the same question on mind that Ranma asked.

"How would you know how to use battle fans, you don't even have a style of martial arts and as far as I can tell you you're not trained to fight except against opponents who are just brawlers or have an easy to discern pattern Beaky?" Ranma finally had a rude nickname for her and she just smiles about it, he was just standing away from everyone practicing Anything Goes.

Kazooie had asked that morning if below the belt blows count as part of his art, when he answered affirmative not actually realizing what she truly meant, she jokingly said she'll go with anything he can teach.

"Remember I'm an adventurer I've learned a few things like fan dancing, it's very good for distracting idiot guards; since most of the time people with a low attention spans are usually on post at any number of places I've been to, I brought my fans with me, but I technically don't need them to do the dance effectively though it does help sometimes with making me appear more mysterious, that and I don't know if they can actually be used for combat." Kazooie quirked an eye as Fox walked over and looked over the two fans she pulled out, her two fans both were red and black with kanji for "Artful" and "Joker" written on both fans one in red and the other in black.

"Yes these can be used in the Fan-fan style and… why are you giving them to Ranma." Kazooie handed both her fans to Ranma who had this odd look on his face and she just fanned her wings out a little before pointing to Ranma.

"Like Ranma said, I don't have a combat style and when in Rome… I'll be learning from Ranma after he's done…" Kazooie sat down under a tree and put a piece of straw in her beak while leaning back wings behind her head.

"What why do I have to learn this, besides what good is a weapon art form if you can have your weapons taken from…. oh I get where she's going with this…" Ranma suddenly seemed a little darker all of the sudden.

"What is it?" Wondering why Ranma seemed suddenly agitated Fox asked the only animal that wore any large amount of clothing in the valley, with the exception to when it's winter.

"She's doesn't think I can create a martial arts style for her, but I'll show her I'll learn the Fan-fan style and then shove a newly made branch of Anything Goes made just for her down her throat without needing wings or fans to perform the techniques, I think I'll call it the Mocking Bird style just to spite her." Grumbling Ranma walked out into the field to see Rabbit talk to Skunk putting the style down as girly, then watched how Skunk himself followed in his footsteps and that for some reason upset Ranma, who walked over and started to defend the girls honor; as he believed himself to be doing, and art form by promising to learn it himself just to prove that he wasn't sexist like his father.

"Why did you really do that anyway?" It was a simple question and Fox really wanted to know the answer as it puzzled her that Kazooie would give her fans to Ranma, then challenge him like that.

"He said his combat style is Anything Goes right? So it means anything you can literally learn goes; like kung fu only more broader on terms, as long as it proves to be useful he'll have to push his mind frantically to come up with a combat style… for a girl… not to mention I'm of a different stature and weight from him so he'll have to compensate for me as well, what's really interesting is… he probably won't adapt well to this given who taught him and his style is all about adapting…" Kazooie left whatever's left unsaid and laid back before the clockwork in Fox's mind started ticking and then it finally occurred to her as she was one of the smartest valley dwellers.

"That's devious and he's going to hurt himself a lot isn't he?" Fox just saw a smirk cross Kazooie's beak and she didn't say anything as she close her eyes and leaned back, Fox then left to go begin teaching Skunk with the other two girls.

"Okay I guess we better get started on the next set of movement's girls… and boys." Duck instructed both Ranma and Skunk as they were wielding their own fans though Skunk seemed less enthusiastic then before, but Ranma however was prepared to go as far he could to learn this style so he could come up with something of his own, just to show Beaky he wasn't as dumb as she says he is and it was a little unfortunate that Kazooie knew something he obviously didn't.

Ranma was in his element, which was training and learning new skills however he was doing worse then Skunk in learning this art form and somehow managed to continually hit himself with gusts of wind and was repeatedly launched skyward every time he tried the wind stilts technique part of the Fan-fan, he had been at it for three hours earning cuts and bruises along his fur and clothes covered hide, even with his stamina he was getting exhausted from it.

Kazooie just lay their under the tree watching and chuckling to herself and Fox was also smiling at Ranma's attempts to learn this style with little to no finesse at all, he wasn't quite getting the spirit of the movements since he literally bent away from anything that made him look girly subconsciously.

"Why does this seem so hard? It's just a girl's style of martial arts it shouldn't be this difficult to learn." Ranma hadn't bothered to ask for help yet and Fox knowing a little bit of what Kazooie had planned; still a little confused about the whole picture, told Duck and Crane not to help Ranma until he was ready to ask for it and being as stubborn as he is, he kept on trying with little progress in what has been shown thus far.

Ranma sat there thinking for a moment what could be wrong he was doing everything right, so what could possibly be… he slowly thought about how his father had always told him weapons were useless crutches, girls were weak and that he shouldn't act so girly… the way Rabbit was treating Skunk… he never trained with weapons in an offensive manner before… he quietly stood up and walked over to Kazooie and stared at her and she looked back at him with one eye opened.

Relying on a weapon may be a crutch, but if you could learn to do the same things as the weapon while not physically wielding it… like Kazooie being her own personal projectile launcher never needing a physical weapon to hit things at long range… in fact if he could do something similar to what he had been told he was capable of under the Demonic Furry Thing Fist; which is launching arcs of claw shaped energy through the air that hit multiple times, but the only damage was like a bunch of painful scratches and anything not alive becomes instantly shredded... then he'd think learning to use weapons would be well worth his time as the Fan-fan could feasibly imitate that same function, thereby he'd learn to do it with his bare… bear hands eventually mastering it.

"I hate you, just so you know that and I've got to ask you something…" Ranma was about to say more before Kazooie opened her beak to say something that would make him think for a while.

"I accept as being your first real friend Meathead, besides from what I hear of your martial arts style is Anything Goes, shouldn't that also include being girly when the situation warrants it and being able to use anything as a weapon and not just rely your own body, but the surroundings as well? Thanks to your old acquaintance you are incredibly stunted in education and social abilities, now go ask one of your teachers who are girls for that matter to help you Meathead, if you'd listen to them and ask about what it was that you're doing wrong I'm sure they'd help you, also it isn't Anything Goes if you can't accept anything as a form of combat, you really need to work on that problem with making promises your not about to keep." If you didn't know any better you could hear a pin drop, Kazooie just had Ranma staring at her for quite a while and stupidly as well, that really wasn't what he was expecting to happen, more like a round of name calling and him storming off angry.

"…." Ranma turned around and walked over to Crane and asked her for help, not in the most polite way mind you but it was good enough for Crane as she knew someone who was much worse and is considered to be the resident egomaniac.

But Crane couldn't help who she liked; especially if he was cute and fluffy with long ears trying to act tougher then he was, she agreed to help Ranma in developing a paw to wing combat style based on the Fan-fan, he was still visibly shaken up by Kazooie and ready to take Anything Goes as a serious motto, not only that but he asked if they had any more fans for one more.

Kazooie just stood up and walked over to the left of him and gave a nasty smirk as she stood five feet away from him and moved her right wing in a swift back handing motion that sent a blast of wind to his face that sounded and hit like he was physically slapped; and hard leaving a wing shaped imprint on his face, knocking him to the ground in surprise.

"I'm going to get started on my style of Anything Goes; the Mocking Bird style was it Meathead? Do you seriously think I wouldn't be able to do at least that after having air lifted a bear as many times as I have, also you never said you were my friend yet so how am I posed to feel about that? At least you got over one problem now I can help you out with another." Kazooie said with a smirk on her beak as she walked up to Fox and pulled a pair of chopsticks out of her backpack and twirled them in front of Fox then showed that there was a string connecting the tips of the sticks together by opening them away from each other like she was opening a fan, Fox quickly understood what Kazooie was getting at.

"If you have problems using fans as weapons why not use chopsticks to practice with?" Ranma just stared at Fox and then looked to Kazooie, then he just remembered that he was used to wielding chopsticks in a similar way all the time and he was overcompensating with his own movements kind of feeling like Skunk did when Rabbit called him girly, then he managed to perform the wind stilts technique first try with a little bit of trouble, but he could work on it and started accepting girls as equals a little bit more.

"Wow the scarecrow finally got his brain, I kind of figured with the way you used chopsticks to eat that the answer would be in your stomach. Isn't that right Limbo Legs and Short Pie?" They blanched after considering Kazooie's quip.

Nobody even considered how it was possible for Crane and Duck to use chopsticks, but they were both great Fan-fan users, it is also taken into consideration the fact that they practiced their cooking skills on food requiring chopsticks, as having wings made it slightly hard to manipulate the sticks.

End Chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Less normal then the previous two, but pretty much the same.

Summary: Kazooie does something unusual and things start to become incredibly difficult for the valley dwellers when the ninja monkeys start winning their battles.

Chapter 3: Well that's certainly not good… or is it?

**After some more Fan-fan training and some nice well prepared dinner.**

The six people learning the Fan-fan were sitting at a table for dinner with a bowl of fifty dumplings in front of them for dessert, the only thing however was that they were about to fight for those dumplings with chopsticks as per Kazooie's recent suggestion that it could help in Fan-fan training.

The rules were simple enough, if it was in your bowl your opponents couldn't touch it and you couldn't touch the dumplings with anything other then your chopsticks, it was then they set off trying to get dumplings from each other using only chopsticks that sent the dumplings flying in a small circle between all of them.

At the end of the fight Kazooie having the least skill came out with the least dumplings unsurprisingly, followed by Skunk having one more then Kazooie, Fox had tied with Crane with the same number of dumplings between them, then there was the fact that Ranma was upset that he came in second place to Duck the one that had the shortest reach who won the dumpling juggling marathon that took place not just minutes ago.

"Well I must say young man; you're a few years off to be beating me in a contest of speed and skill." Duck said proudly to herself that even if she was slightly older she still had it going for her, before sharing her dumplings with everyone else stating she wasn't that hungry anymore keeping only a few for herself.

"You kind of remind me of that old lady that snapped me out of the c… c… that style the first time, thanks for the good match." Ranma absentmindedly scratched the back of his head; hey you'd be embarrassed too if you couldn't mention something highly traumatic very well unless it involved telling your life story all over again.

Kazooie had a very interesting thought, given her nature for opening her big beak; she figured it would be a good idea to get a jump on her plans by starting early tomorrow.

Just about everyone other then Banjo, Tootie, B or Humba always rubbed Kazooie the wrong way completely, especially that crazy canary woman and Bottles, she really hated Bottles that completely boring dork and Banjo didn't seem to care at all when he was killed at the start of their second grand adventure, now Jamjar was far more tolerable then Bottles and she wasn't sure why Banjo even bothered resurrecting goggle boy except for the five dollars he owed him or maybe it was because Banjo was just that nice a friend.

**The next day.**

Ranma woke up and tried to seek out Kazooie, keyword 'tried' he couldn't find Kazooie anywhere he checked, but he really didn't know the area very well so he stayed close to Panda's Dojo where Skunk found him working on inventing a new Anything Goes martial arts style the Mocking Bird so that it was much better then it sounded and with Crane's help of course, because so far it sounded like Kazooie without her tricks or acrobatics, slightly pale against a skilled combatant.

Crane was a real help and surprisingly interesting to hang out with, she was a chatterbox and she hardly stopped talking which was incredibly distracting, it helped him work out how the style would work from the ground up and what he was aiming for in its creation, she always had something to say or her own advice as to what could be done to make it much more efficient.

As far as Ranma could tell Kazooie's basic skills wouldn't hold a candle to some of the stuff he and Crane were coming up with right now, exception being the trademarked Kazooie Punt that has been used on Rabbit so often that he tends to shy away from Kazooie when she gives the start up to it and she might have left instructions to Crane on how to do it herself for some odd reason.

"That's cool, can I join in!" Skunk ever the enthusiast to learn something new, Crane gave a nod and things continued from there, until Fox ran in reporting an attack of Ninja Monkeys using stilts to invade the grasslands.

"Where's the unstoppable beak?" Ranma sounded rather curious at that, he'd have thought the only person that could understand his problems wouldn't have gone missing not to long after declaring to be his friend, not that he understood what a friend was no thanks to his old man and she had been bugging him ever since he arrived why wasn't she now and why did he care.

"I don't know, but she disappeared this morning saying something about getting IT started, whatever "IT" happens to be, I'm not sure and Skunk we need you for the four winds technique to help repel the recent invasion." Fox was unsure exactly what Kazooie was doing, but trying to be friendly with someone as weird as Kazooie was proving to be hard and she last saw the bird heading into Dragon's territory.

**After the battle at the grasslands.**

Ranma hadn't seen the need to participate in the battle, however the four winds technique was something he'd like to learn, but requiring four semi-skilled Fan-fan users seemed to be awkward for starting up such a powerful technique when any number of things could go wrong, maybe he could create his own technique that wouldn't need that kind of requirement, though it might be a bit more ridiculous in execution.

A good reason he didn't need to participate in battle is because he had no definition of who was weak to work on, in this instance his defending the weak would have him working with the opposite side as the ninja monkeys weren't all that great in combat, but made up for it in numbers.

"Well that seems to be a pointlessly complex technique and dangerous, but a martial artist's road is paved with peril… I just wish mine involved staying human, stupid pops." Ranma's mild comment was followed by the arrival of Rabbit and Pig both dressed in drag, followed by the four active Fan-fan user's laughter.

"Say girls, you wouldn't happen to know where we can find someone handsome and cool looking to hang out with? Oh look there's Ranma and Skunk now." Crane couldn't help but blush at how silly and cute Rabbit could get; despite her small sarcastic jab at Rabbits masculinity, not to mention the question of how Rabbit even knew how to apply makeup in the first place.

"Hey where's Kazooie, she's missing me being all macho." Everyone started laughing again at Rabbits failure to supply anything being as such.

"I think you mean she's missing her opportunities to make pun of your fluffy little rear." It led Fox to wondering what Kazooie was up to, not often visitors at all came to the valley.

"Hey Skunk, want to go play?" Pig wasn't all too bright and was usually childish in a way, but he was always fun to be around even if he was oddly dressed as a girl at the moment.

"Sure Pig, I've got nothing better to do right now." Before Skunk could get too far Fox joined in and started following.

"I'm going to Panda to see if I can get over my clawed demon problem, no offense to t… t... tig… never mind." Ranma in particular liked the feeling of family he had with these people, but he just couldn't stop thinking about what Kazooie might be doing at this moment.

**Dragon's territory Ninja Monkey Encampment.**

"So let me guess, it didn't work and the bear never got involved at all in the battle with you redundancy induced flea mongers." The ninja monkeys looked to the person who was being rather understanding with them at the moment; not to mention the person who usurped power in what is currently Kazooie's Territory as ridiculous as it may sound.

One of the monkeys went forward and started to explain a few things to the red bird who was currently sitting on a bamboo throne eating grapes she gathered herself, in fact she wasn't forcing them to do anything and she built the throne haphazardly herself, though she did ask for help with chiseling her name into it using her beak.

"Well now, you guys are entirely lazy without a cause and I'm in need of an army that can follow bizarre orders, so are you now willing to listen to me when I give advice peel brains? Also I'm ready to take any suggestions you might have on what you guys might want to do or what you might be doing wrong, because the level of evil I'm seeing here is about the level of playground bully's." Kazooie asked lazily stretching out her wings and fanning her tail feathers she had been sitting on as she stood up.

A few monkeys had spoken up on what they thought might be several problems in their victories, living conditions and otherwise numbers with little skill, they weren't all bad at building fortifications or crafting things.

"Good now all I have to do is wait for the author of this fan fiction to get more Ranma in, naturally then we can finally get somewhere with all this, because we need more randomness and chaos to fit his character a little more since we're not hitting the romance so well yet." Kazooie stated to the audience while breaking the fourth wall like it never existed in the first place, then decided to continue the plot like she never said that.

"So tell me what you collective half of a single brain cell can do." Kazooie then had a devious looking smirk on her beak and people said real time strategy games couldn't apply in real life, oh she'd show those who doubted her initial love of those gaming worlds, she was the one who had initially planned an invasion by Jinjo's into the Donkey Kong 64 game world, because she really didn't think they already had enough stuff to collect and adding a few hundred color coded Jinjo would be sweet icing on that cake.

**DK 64 world.**

"Sorry, but only Lanky Kong can pick me up you'll just have to go back and tell him to come here." A purple female Jinjo stated with a rather amused tone.

"But how is he posed to get up here, this place is only accessible by me and my jet pack." Diddy said slowly while thinking about how annoying this was all getting, who in the world introduced Jinjo's into this game anyway, it took hours of tedious running around just to rescue one of them and so far they've only managed to get three out of five hundred in the past month.

**Three day's later… (Not in the DK 64 world anymore)**

Initially the victory at the grass plains would have been well all and good, but now the Ninja Monkey's were winning every single battle after that moment and it was hectic to try and figure when they would strike again, they've had ten battles in the past three days involving some really odd happenings, mostly miscellaneous items were strewn about the country side in a regular pattern of rows and it seems like the monkey ninja's were all now wearing color coded uniforms depending on where they were, not to mention for camouflage as well.

If that wasn't odd enough Tiger's many objects from his antique collection were now strewn about and very well hidden, not to mention the traps meant for capturing anyone looking for said objects.

"You know I'm beginning to worry about Kazooie." Fox was currently chatting with Crane, while idly thinking about her suspicion at the new initiative taken by the monkeys.

"Why she seemed to be able to take care of herself." Crane just couldn't understand why Fox seemed to be so fidgety lately

"Call it a hunch, but I think the ninja monkeys might be a credible threat now." It actually occurs to Fox that they hardly ever were a threat, given some better organization and their mass numbers plus a cunning mind… what she was currently thinking was the word "trouble".

**With Ranma.**

"Punch, kick, roundhouse kick, punch combo, foot upper, and aerial free style and then the finish, why do I suddenly get the feeling that I've dodged a massive amount of bullets..." It had to be noted that in this story Ranma was not aware a story was being written in any case writing his character is hard as there are no characters around that are highly abusive or are out to kill him, so all he can really do is comment on situations and beat the stuffing out of this straw and wood dummy.

All the while he couldn't help but feel a cold chill run down his spine whenever he thought of what could have happened if he stayed with his father.

He figured it was better to continue on with life and learn the art of the dancing spider as it might help him out some day, some of the martial arts styles here were more fun then work, but not any less effective.

**Elsewhere.**

"Where airen? Shampoo wants to be defeated and force boy into slavery for tribe." Shampoo an Amazon in standard battle attire with long blue (or was it purple?) hair whined to her grandmother.

While some guy wearing a ridiculously large white robe in the background with thick glasses that he wasn't bothering to wear was hugging a cactus and porcupine together and painfully at that crying out about his love of Shampoo's painful appendages.

"Someone has obviously written us out of the script, therefore granddaughter no son-in-law will arrive, however you can kill the fool who transforms into a panda that ate our feast for you if it's any consolation." Cologne shrugged feeling like a spark in her life was all the sudden missing without the wacky adventures that would give her something to do, otherwise she'd feel as old as she looks.

**Elsewhere to the elsewhere.**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE RANMA IS, HOW CAN OUR SCHOOLS EVER BE JOINED NOW SO THAT WE CAN LITTERALLY EXPLOIT THE CRAP OUT OF OUR CHILDREN! …. I didn't just say that out loud, did I?" Soun Tendo friend of Genma Saotome; Ranma's father, came to understand Genma's explanation about why the last postcard he was sent before entering Jusenkyo wasn't entirely accurate, since his girly son was avoiding his fate of being forcefully married against his will by using being in another dimension or something like it as an excuse.

Meanwhile also in the room were three girls.

The first was Akane with long dark blue hair in a loose ponytail and was wearing simple training clothing for martial arts; she was glaring at her father for even suggesting she marry a perverted boy.

The second Nabiki with her brown hair in a pageboy cut and was wearing clothing more casual and business like, she was even angrier that her father was willing to exploit her sisters or even her herself and was glad the boy might never arrive, because she probably didn't want him to see what she was about to plan for Uncle Saotome and her father, it wouldn't be pretty if anyone knew how far she could ruin someone's life without doing all that much.

That and she felt like she was going to be losing a lot of money really soon because of her Uncle.

The third had long brown hair and was wearing an apron and blouse; she was the calmest of the three by far in this situation, however there was the underlying layers of something else like worry for the boy and disappointment in her father and Uncle Genma.

**Again elsewhere.**

"TO ME MY NINJA I MUST GO DEFEAT A FOUL SORCERER OF ANOTHER PLANE AND WIN MY DEAR AKANE'S HEART!" The unexplained character of Tatewaki yelled to the sky for no reason as nobody tended to care about him anyway.

"Yeah and I'll find a boyfriend who loves me, dear brother you are quite dense as I am delusional." Kodachi was Tatewaki's sister, also uncared for but was slowly becoming immune to her own poisons and she didn't like it when she was sane; she couldn't handle sanity, since there was nothing to really do seeing as chivalry was beaten, dead and buried upside down because of her brother.

That and nobody would talk to her because she was from an insane family and the only person she could confide in was their family ninja that looked kind of like a humanoid weasel, so much so that he could have passed for a character from Samurai Pizza Cats.

**In the gaming universe.**

"Where the hell am I now?" Ryoga stated as he had fall into this weird pool and ended up wandering several strange and bizarre locations he kept trying to refer to as Canada or lower Middle East South America, that and Ryoga had found a second one time Jusenkyo portal that also only worked once, there were only two portals and they had a long recharge time(called one time for the reason that they won't be done recharging within a normal life span of a human), not to mention they never hit the same place twice in a row in fact the only time they'd cycle to the same place is if they've run out of other places to send people or got bored.

So far he's killed a group of dwarf imps by accident and they were terrorizing this guy named Golbeze, crushed a few humanoid winged turtles having temporarily turned into a two footed mushroom like being at the time, met some odd colorful and just as lost dinosaurs that tried to stomp him flat, met something called a Splicer that tried to attack him before he got lost again, ended up on some giant ring shaped planet with a bunch of crazy creatures and a guy in green armor, something that was like ancient China with armies of people being slaughtered by a minority of samurai like warriors and the last place he ended up was at a rather colorful mountain with a rather odd shaped face with a hat on it next to it was a spiraling mountain, where a honey bear and a large humanoid female bee were kissing, having seen the B's more human like assets caused Ryoga to nosebleed into unconsciousness.

**Back to the Ninja Monkey Encampment a few days later.**

"Kazooie I know you aren't working for Dragon or Baboon so why are you doing all this?" Fox was sitting in a cage moping about having been one of the first to be captured by the most oddly placed ambush ever; she had to wonder how Kazooie managed to get that many ninja monkeys into such a small tree stump in the middle of a wide open clearing and another odd note was that they all had clown makeup on at the time including big red comically enhanced noses.

Not only did the ambush work, Kazooie managed to capture Pig, Mantis, Bird, Ox and Tiger as well, not all at the same time, but Fox really had to wonder why the least skilled in the valley other then herself and maybe Tiger were targeted, but at least they were well taken care of as prisoners it was quite surprising how nice the ninja monkeys could actually be if the recent back rub didn't do it for her, apparently the prisoner hospitality was greater then it previously was. Tiger wasn't in the cage at the moment as an afterthought to the story.

"Well Queenie I want to get what I want and since heroes aren't supposed to make selfish demands I decided to play as a villain to get what I wanted; besides it's something I haven't ventured before and I really wanted to make someone else jump through hoops for once, oh and don't worry I didn't harm Baboon if that's what your worried about though I doubt Dragon won't wake up for another five years." Kazooie said in a rather lazy tone.

"What could you have possible done to Dragon, he's tougher then everyone even if he is trapped in the mountain." Bird squawked from a tiny well built bird cage off to the side.

"Shut it Brainless, in answer to your question remember what I said about being able to freeze objects solid with my ice eggs? Well apply that to someone who's sitting in the world's largest bucket of ice right now, he's definitely going to have blue balls when he wakes up." Kazooie said with a bright smile that caused the monkeys to applaud her as their greatest leader ever even if she didn't prompt them to.

"So you froze Baboon and Dragon solid… it'd take a while to thaw them out wouldn't it so technically you took care of all our problems then became the problem yourself, what exactly do you want that you couldn't get all these ninja monkeys to get for you." It was rather interesting to Fox as she sat there with her legs and arms crossed as the motivation behind all this was vague.

"Yeah well Baboon can be defrosted well enough if you leave him out in the sun for maybe a few hours, but considering Dragon can't leave he'll be stuck longer as we are in some rather snowy mountains, also since I'm not a clichéd villain archetype I know better then to blurt out what I want to captives, however I did already state I wanted someone else to jump through hoops for a change and Skunk seemed like someone that would do hours of mind numbing questing." Suddenly a monkey had run up to Kazooie screeching something unintelligible to the valley dwellers, exception to Pig who half understood everything being said and then translated even more poorly then that, being a scatter brain didn't help.

"Excellent as I planned; the Green Tea Cake is on the move; get a hiding clown unit with a chameleon unit into position, also have Kiki's aggravated female mallet unit on standby for reinforcements if the situation goes downhill, MUWHAHHHAHAHAHAHAAAA…. (A bout of coughing) guess I better stick with evil cackling, Kekekekekekekekekekeke." Ox was sleeping while standing up and had snorted awake at Kazooie's cackling.

"Wow she's good at the evil cackling thing…" Ox said slowly before, lazily staring around him to find a bunch of ninja monkeys all guarding a cage they were sitting in.

"Well if she isn't doing anything bad to us, I can wait till we're feasibly rescued if she hasn't already planned to stop it already, I would still like my things back after all this." Tiger said as he was calmly brushing down his white fur with a towel from the hot bath he just had.

Kazooie had introduced indoor plumbing to the ninja monkeys post haste and it was rather enjoyable by all parties involved; besides Kazooie couldn't believe these people were so horribly backwatered and decided that introducing the concept of good hygiene wouldn't be a bad idea for anyone, especially if she could tomato paste Skunk enough times that maybe his smell would mellow out enough to be around to embarrass.

"I think I know why Kazooie captured us specifically and if you could excuse me, MY TURN." Fox said running off after she was let out of the cage and Tiger was let back in without prodding from the rather stoic ninja monkey guards who were just busy exercising.

"DON'T YOU DARE USE ALL THE HOT WATER TO SPITE ME!" Kazooie shouted after Fox, sheesh who knew taking prisoners would be so much work and she wondered why Grunty even bothered in the first place with kidnapping Tootie, then again the overly complicated and extremely long spell casting sequence pretty much made it easy to waltz in and out like they hadn't spent five months in a magically enchanted lair with liquid portals to every other place in their world.

**With the Valley Dwellers who aren't caught.**

"And they probably have Kazooie too, why can't I just go rescue them." Skunk spent a lot of time collecting junk; in fact he had just finished the draining task of collecting all the stolen fruit to stash away and not only that finding Tigers many unusual things almost led him to getting captured as well, he questioned every innocently placed object now before picking it up.

"Skunk it is too dangerous to rush into this blindly, besides something is not right with this situation Baboon is usually less cautious and more open in his deliberate attacks even when they learned to use an invisibility trick." Panda was watching Skunk drag more of Tigers stuff back to where he lived; the poor guy was doing fetch quest left and right, but at least he was building up some nice endurance to doing really tedious tasks.

"I don't see why I can't go all I have to do is avoid trying to rescue t… t… I guess I can't go then since I wouldn't be rescuing everyone." If this wasn't a blow to Ranma's pride nothing was, since he couldn't even think of cats since his problem would get in the way or cause him to become somewhat homicidal in a clawing rampage of pure destruction.

"Do not worry Ranma, as I've said patience or else we could run into a trap, obviously the monkeys have become more cunning recently." Panda then had a suddenly very interesting thought about what Rabbit would do in this situation; well he'd just have to get Skunk to stop him before it's too late.

**To the Rabbit already in progress not just five minutes too late.**

Rabbit jumped up with a spin kick to the clown like ninja monkey that took the blow and then bounced back hitting rabbit with twice the force knocking him back, he hadn't encountered ninja monkeys this tough before and if it wasn't the clowns it was the invisible lizard costume wearing ninja monkeys that gave him the creeps.

So far he's managed to down quite a few ninja clowns around the large grove, they tended to throw banana peels as ninja stars and kept comically tripping him up and this really annoyed him, they also used bizarre tactics that seemed to be harmless at first and were more sinister after it was figured out what they fully do, this would be considered monkey shines combat.

Not long after he took down half the ninja clown monkeys he was attack by the lizard ninja monkeys that when they stopped moving turned almost completely invisible, these by far were more annoying and harder to keep up with as their barely visible outlines where hard to spot as they kept launching surprise attacks.

Just as he downed another ninja clown he was socked hard in the face from his right by a fist that had become visible that revealed a lizard costumed ninja monkey who chuckled at him, this caused Rabbit to lunge at and thoroughly miss as the monkey disappeared.

He quickly brought his left fist up behind his shoulder and the monkey suddenly appeared there subsequently knocked out, which lead to one of the monkeys giving off a howl for the special backup unit, Kazooie had really gotten busy on her first day in charge and was quite proud of one unit in particular having made friends with it's quirky leader Kiki of the aggravated female mallet unit, it is to be said nothing is like the fury of a woman scorned… they just haven't seen what female monkeys could do while wielding ridiculously large mallets like they were feathers.

"Hey there bunny boy do you want to play and if your lucky I might hug you, I'm Kiki by the way." This voice didn't sound like it came from a ninja monkey, but it certainly looked like one who wore a pink ninja outfit with a red heart emblazoned on it followed by a large group of similar garbed monkeys just without the red heart symbols, however Kiki was the tallest one their and quite defined in physical appearance compared to the basic ninja monkeys.

"You're all girls, HAH, what's a bunch of weak girly girls like you going to do to someone as strong as me I could take you all on easily." Rabbit boast was soon put down by the feeling of imminent doom and the area just becoming incredibly heavy, the other two monkey ninja units fled carrying their bruised from the vicinity as they didn't want to see what the mallet unit would do to the poor guy who insulted them; gender wasn't an issue in combat for ninja monkeys, however it was an issue to insult someone who could seemingly unbalance herself at one moment and be back to normal the next, Kiki has a perfect balance of Yin and Yang which is why she so readily accepted Kazooie as a leader and for some odd reason continues to refer to the bird as her master even if she isn't officially trained for combat.

"Girls... rampage time, no one but our master can mock us and we except her mocking as something to work on." Suddenly Kiki and the other ninja monkeys take out the comically huge mallets from behind their backs and their uniforms turned a dark sickly purple as Kiki's symbol slightly cracked slightly into a broken heart.

Kiki definitely wasn't a normal ninja monkey considering she was the only one from the lazy ass reserves who bothered to learn nine different languages and learned how to control her emotional status to perform different feats of strength both mentally and physically, it was only when she met Kazooie did she learn how interesting life could really get in a short amount of time and has sworn loyalty beyond all measures to Kazooie, none of the other ninja monkeys understood this or her reasoning for labeling Kazooie in such a high measure as her master, but it might had to do with the fact that Kazooie wasn't boring to be around.

Rabbit was pinned to his position by the feeling of pure righteous anger directed at him and some guilt of what he just said, before he received a really painful beating and quite a few heavy mallet strikes to the head.

**With Ranma.**

Ranma shivered ever so slightly like someone just walked over his grave, he couldn't help but feel freaked out by the feeling of imminent doom he could sense a mile off and the only consolation was that it wasn't pointing towards him at the moment.

"At least it's not on me, so what else can we incorporate into the style Crane?" Ranma couldn't help but be friendly with Crane who suddenly had this somewhat far off look as if someone important to her was getting in trouble.

"Oh what? Sorry Ranma, I felt as if something might have just… nah… anyway what about an exploding heel drop chi attack?" Crane still had that far off look on her face even if she was enjoying spending time with one of her new friends.

"That definitely seems like something that would go well with the style, thanks Crane… do you think you could help me with something else I don't know much about being friends with… people... given who raised me and everything." Ranma considered the fact that he's never actually had a real friend and he didn't know what to do with the one he already had, sure he's had a rival or two at an early age, but they weren't exactly friendly.

"Oh sure I could help you out, I'm always good for chatting about anything really not that many people in the valley to be friends with, we're all really more of a conjoined family." Crane started chattering away while this small nagging feeling in the back of her mind wouldn't leave her alone.

End Chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: We don't condone the use of birds as flails or maces, nor do we condone the agony of someone who is forced to run a collect-a-thon, but we condone the use of heavy mallets and violent bashing with such.

Darkon's note: more wild crossovers may occur, we(as in more then one person) tend not to care about what's thrown in, end result multiple worlds will be visited(mostly by Kazooie means), things will be collected(To everyone's distaste) and Ranma will have multiple girls after his heart or will we be too cliché in doing this?(Why not) I'm taking the story half as seriously as it could be(possibly); crossovers are not recognized half as much as stories based mostly around the original plot with different minor variables(True and you know it people) and I tend to toss too many variables in as to get as far from being cliché as possible while still keeping in other content that could be achieved by other means, but it'll all be cliché in the end considering I added something that could lead to the chestnut fist in this chapter.

Sir's note: Darkon can't write a really awe inspiring story to save his life, no offense to my employer.

Trio's note: Hi dude!

Summary: Ranma has to come to terms with fighting a girl, Skunk tries to be a hero and gets stuck doing more fetch quests no thanks in part to someone Kazooie met and Crane goes slightly ballistic with her attempts at rescuing Rabbit and the other valley dwellers all on a new episode of 'RanmaKazooie?' yes we are aware of the question mark.

Chapter 4: Three's the crowd.

**Kazooie's territory Ninja Monkey Encampment.**

"I would love to hear your theory of master's plan; I'm only certain that it's more for the spirit of the battle between good and evil in some ridiculous roundabout way." Kiki was sitting at a table with Fox and Tiger sipping tea quietly while Rabbit in the background was furiously trying to escape having his arms and legs tied behind his back while hanging upside down inside of a bag with his head sticking out.

"First of all I believe the reason why you are here Tiger is so that Ranma won't attack because of his fear or the fact that he can be driven berserk by close contact, Ox, Bird, Pig and Mantis are some of Skunks best friends and with no one to hang out with he's being driven to extreme boredom by now with no distractions for the tedium of collecting stuff Kazooie set up for him, I'm probably Kazooie's choice for Damsel in distress since she's stated that Skunk is the hero, Rabbit is here as to get Crane to break from her shyness and try to rescue him even if she is a gossip she tends to shy away from him so often it's causing her to be invisible to him." Fox stops to take sip of tea while looking to Kazooie who was guzzling down something called a smoothie whatever that was from a wild blend of fruits that where frozen and crushed.

"Yet you still don't see the entire picture Queenie; like I'd use you for a damsel anyway, I'm going to go through with my evil plot unless I get what I want, so all I can say is let the games begin… heh, with my ulterior motives my plans should go wrong in no time, Kiki start operation blindside." Kazooie smiled cheekily at the fact that all her plans were going to be ruined and pulled out her kazoo again and wandered off playing it while taking a sip of her drink every now and then.

"Guess I should go find this Ranma person and keep him distracted for my master." Kiki got up finished her tea, put her cup down and started running towards the wall of the encampment before pulling out her mallet and slamming it to the ground sending her skyward from the shockwave and momentum, vaulting her over the wall.

"I must say that is by far the most interesting ninja monkey I have ever met; also when Kazooie said ulterior motives what do you think she might have meant?" Tiger said as he clapped at the showmanship of strength and dexterity from Kiki wielding a rather seemingly cumbersome weapon.

**Later, starting point, Skunk.**

"I'm just about done with collecting everything as long as there is nothing else that will get in my way I'll be able to…" Skunk was cut off when he heard the faint sound of crying it sounded rather high pitched, but he wasn't to sure if it was a girl or a boy making that noise so he ran to check it out.

The sight he came upon was a rather odd grey squirrel wearing a blue flight cap and was crying about something, though from the pitch and appearance it was still hard to determine gender.

"Hello, do you need any help?" The Squirrel stopped crying and looked to Skunk.

"Why yes, I've lost my nuts and I can't find them anywhere… could you gather some more for me, I'm Rocky and yes I'm male by the way so don't ask." Rocky went on to explain what kinds of nuts he wanted Skunk to find and Skunk couldn't help but feel a sense of de ja vu coming on.

"The wording could have gone smoother, because there is so much in that sentence that could have been interpreted as either wrong or just plain leave me in-salted…" Kazooie muttered from her position in a nearby tree, she had met Rocky looking for help about some kind of evil pig empire rising up and they were rumored to try and take over his homeland soon; apparently he was the only one to notice it as a viable threat, and was looking for help which Kazooie promised to lend, if he could help her with her small problem first.

Which led to a lengthy explanation of Kazooie's plan, what its intial outcome will be and what Rocky was to expect as payment for helping her.

**Starting point, Crane.**

"Okay now I'm seriously starting to think Fox is right you know what I mean?" Crane had been going on busily talking to Frog at the stream, who like Kazooie, Ranma and Mr. Fish kept to himself. Many forgot Mr. Fish couldn't walk on land and he didn't hold it against them as he saw Crane, Ms. Duck and Frog often enough.

"You seriously have no one else to talk to do you?" Frog said as Crane was burning him out with mindless chatter, he really wished someone would distract her so he could goof around and hop to his hearts delight.

"Hey Crane I have heard a terrible news, also the ninja monkeys keep trying to catch me with fishing rods so could you ask Skunk to make them leave me alone if your not to busy?" Mr. Fish had popped out of the water next to the lily pad that Frog frequented.

"Sure, sure, what's the news Mr. Fish?" Crane said in a jovial tone.

"Rabbit's been captured by ninja monkeys…" Mr. Fish then plugged his ears quickly; as did Frog, knowing what her reaction to that would be.

"WHAT! Where did they take him?" Crane Screeched violently dropping any cheerfulness whatsoever, taking on a whole knew persona to the unusual to the valley gossip.

"I hear at the encampment, but I've heard security is pretty heavy there lately." Mr. Fish went unheard by Crane as she was already flying off to find Skunk, to tell him about Mr. Fish's problem and then she'd proceed directly to a rescue attempt considering how good the monkeys were getting lately; Duck would understand her missing their daily chats as this was important.

**Starting point, Ranma.**

Ranma couldn't tell if he was missing Kazooie's abrasiveness or not, because he kind of felt lonely and everything was real quiet lately, in fact he could almost swear something was going to happen sooner or later given his luck.

Before he could get to far on that thought as he walked along the trail, a large mallet flew from above and slammed into the ground in front of him causing a huge shockwave that sent him flying backwards as a cloud of dust shot into the air.

Ranma sat up from his knocked down position and stared at the figure that was standing on top of the mallets head as the cloud slowly cleared, it revealed that the mallet had created a four foot in diameter crater from its impact despite looking to be made of wood.

"Hey there tall, dark and fuzzy, you wouldn't happen to be Ranma by any chance?" It was Kiki in her standard pink uniform, which had a second mallet hefted on her right shoulder.

"Yeah, but don't you think you should watch where your tossing those things you tomboy?" Ranma blinked as Kiki seemed unfazed at being called a tomboy and promptly hopped off her first mallet and lifted it with her left hand and closed her eyes as her uniform turned a pure silver color and her heart symbol turned a golden color.

"Then you should learn to take me seriously, because you're in for the fight of your life and let me start this by saying… I can perfectly balance my Yin and Yang for the next few minutes before I return to normal, live long enough and we might have already become friends through combat." With a startling speed Kiki started to twirl her left mallet and then launched it at Ranma sideways, it was spinning so fast it looked like a disc as it blurred by his head, barely avoiding a painful blow as it came at him from an angle Ranma had ducked out of the way and to the side only to be knocked upwards by a reverse mallet swing of Kiki's other mallet as she caught the first he just got finished dodging.

Ranma was followed by Kiki leaping into the air to nail him with a double mallet overhead strike, quickly thinking Ranma twisted out of the way of the single initial swing and had to do so once more as Kiki gained forward momentum as she spun rapidly in a vertical manner with both her mallets missing the target; she quickly altered herself into horizontal helicopter spin to slow down her descent, they both landed and Ranma started to constantly dodge Kiki's vicious attacks which where fast and quite surprisingly damaging even if they didn't hit the shockwaves tended to stun him momentarily causing him to take a few twirling mallet strikes that were glancing blows to the chest and lower abdomen before recovering.

"Is this the best you could do, I heard you've had worse then this and all this time I wanted a challenge, I might as well even the playing field by fighting on your level." Kiki said with neither a frown nor a smile appearing on her face; it was rather like a blank state of mind, before she tossed both mallets in sideways flying arcs like last time, which Ranma dodged a little more easily this time as he was aware of how fast they were.

Ranma almost expected her to come in behind the mallets to catch them again, only this time she stood still before striking the ground with her fist causing a lightning bolt like cracks to appear where her fist hit and Ranma felt the ground shifting underneath him and his general sense of danger saved him as he hopped backwards as a eight foot deep pit four feet wide had appeared where he was standing and at the bottom of it were sharp four bladed spikes made out of solid rock.

Okay he definitely didn't know why this ninja monkey apparently named Kiki sought him out and he certainly didn't want to fight her, but she was doing a good job of trying to get him to take this seriously if the ability to do this kind of landscaping with a single punch was any idea of her skill.

Ranma took a defensive stance as Kiki dashed towards him at a much faster speed then she had been moving, apparently she's a lot slower when wielding the large mallets she's an expert at using.

**With Crane outside the Ninja Monkey Encampment.**

After having spoken with Skunk, Crane made her way to the fortress ignoring the heated sounds of battle coming from the forest that she passed on the way and when she arrived she saw someone she knew sitting on the fortress wall.

"Hey there Limbo Legs about time you got here, I have had Rabbit all to myself and there's nothing you can do about it as he's trapped inside the walls of this fortress, just so you know he's not all that great and he's highly annoying, I'm sure you don't want him back in the valley and maybe he can pick up some cute female ninja monkeys while he's at it." Kazooie said condescendingly as she lazed about on the top of the wall looking at Crane with her bright vibrant green eyes that gave off a hint of amusement at the situation.

Crane for one in order blushed, got angry and then vowed to herself to come up with an ingenious rescue plan to get Rabbit back from the scheming evil she-devil known as Kazooie; completely forgetting the hundreds of ninja monkeys inside and the other captured valley dwellers in turn, after all this was over Crane could quite honestly say she could only hate Kazooie as a really annoying sister and that she wasn't thinking straight at the time when she started her attempts.

Kazooie for her part, watched as Crane started to build something that looked like a catapult outside the wall of the encampment, which caused her to raise an eyebrow to one of the ninja monkeys whom stated they've already made a catapult before and the valley animals wrecked the first one, so they asked why bother making more as they were too easy to disassemble.

"I'm getting a vaguely familiar vibe, like I'm back in the Death Valley Rally watching Roads and Mud fight it out." Kazooie was to busy in her musings to notice anything at the moment.

She was pulled back to the present by the sound of Crane rolling large rock onto the launching square of the catapult, Crane glared at Kazooie and pulled the rope cord to fire it, only nothing happened… Kazooie silently pulled out her DEM (Deus Ex Machina) Detector and pointed it to the catapult getting large readings of activity involving Crane, Kazooie figured it was the better part of valor to warn her before anything happened as she could interfere with the natural order of things because the detector always knew what was really important nearby and if you change a variable enough you change the outcome.

"Uhhhh… I wouldn't be standing on that if I were me." Kazooie said to Crane who was busy checking everything on the catapult and the last thing she was checking was if the rock was too heavy by trying to push it off the catapult, not noticing the slight knot of the rope cord loosely stuck around one of her ankles turned to address Kazooie, while leaning against the rock which caused it to slide and fall off.

As soon as Crane pushed the rock off the cord to begin to be pulled taught and then it flung her forward slamming into the encampment wall; while oddly enough the true catapult rock launching mechanism stayed entirely still, the rope pulled her back and slammed her into the wall several more times as the cord flopped back and forward between soft cold snow and the hard solid wall before it stopped with Cranes beak impaled into and sticking out the other side of the encampments wall; it was made of wood after all, she looked to be in as she was plastered to it flatly.

"You do realize this means war Beaky…" Crane managed to mutter through the wall using Ranma's nickname for Kazooie as she managed to push Cranes beak out leaving a small hole and several painful looking imprints and dents as the only damage to the wall.

"I think Limbo Legs will be fine, but that had to hurt, she's still moving at least." All the ninja monkeys and the valley dweller prisoner's sweat dropped; after they got over their mild embarrassment they all started laughing, except for Rabbit who was asleep and still tied upside down in a bag arms and legs behind his back missing Cranes initial rescue attempts or the fact that Crane apparently liked him.

"Just make sure she doesn't hurt herself to much in the rescue attempts Kazooie, she's my best friend in the valley and besides there's not that many girls around here." Fox said as she was busy playing a large scale card game with Tiger, a random still rather generic ninja monkey, Mantis and Bird with Ox as one collective person, Pig was the shuffler and dealer.

"Alright, alright already, if it gets bad enough I'll just let the wallflower have Rabbit at the right time; still tied up of course, it'll be better to capture her then let her hurt herself anymore if it comes up." Kazooie just waved Fox's questioning gaze away with her right wing as she watched to see what Crane would do next, considering it seemed like she forgot she was a skilled martial artist and the fact that she could fly over the wall very easily this rescue may take a while.

**With Skunk in the middle of collecting nuts.**

"Why am I still doing all this boring stuff when I should be rescuing Fox and the others, now that they have Rabbit its going to be a lot more tricky." Skunk had finally finished collect the right amount into a basket he made when he tripped on a tree's root and sent a whole assortment of nuts with basket flying into a nearby fire that Turtle was roasting a marshmallow over, he quickly tried to pulled them out the fire but stopped trying as he didn't want to badly burn his hands and he just looked at Turtle with a sorrowful look.

"My nuts… they're burned…" Skunk started crying over the ashes of his basket that once held the nuts he was collecting for that weird squirrel with the random voice disorder.

"Wow that's a bit of bad luck there Skunk; do you need any of this old timers help? I'm sure you could use a hand and a snack…" Turtle said gently patting Skunk on the back as he grunted in aggravation as it took him a while to collect all those nuts from multiple different areas in the valley, he might as well go stop those Ninja Monkeys from fishing up Mr. Fish, after he finished collecting the nuts again with help, the ninja monkeys weren't in a hurry to capture Mr. Fish apparently.

**With Ranma in the so far one-sided fight.**

Ranma hadn't felt so exhilarated even if he hadn't thrown a punch or kick towards Kiki she was landing a heavy amount of blows on him even if he was dodging to his best ability, she was just that fast and it was just his luck that she had lost her apparent perfect balance having returned to her normal pink costume minutes ago, she was still going strong but her blows were now half the strength they naturally could have been, though they didn't hurt any less.

If there was anything Ranma had to say about girls now it would be they could hit harder then he had ever been by his father, he wouldn't bother with believing they were weak anymore, but he still had issues with fighting back or against one as he wouldn't even hit Crane and she understood at least understood his need to be protective, Kiki however wasn't taking no as an answer and was ever so slowly pushing him closer to accepting a Girl as a physical target in combat if all the heavy bruising had anything to say about it.

Deciding to actually start fighting back and stop acting like a sissy; because he had a mental interpretation of himself calling himself as such multiple times, Ranma threw the first attack in the fight which was a left straight jab to test Kiki's defenses and he was quickly grabbed by the arm flung into a nearby tree back first but because he didn't put much momentum behind his attack the throw had less effect then usual and it was easy to recover from.

"So you gonna fight now or are we going through another evade and block routine? I really want you to let loose some more." Kiki stated waiting patiently for him to get up and rejoin the fight as that was his first attack since they started; Ranma for the life of him gave an honest smirk jumped up to his feet and dusted off his clothes.

Admittedly he thought it was rather strange that some of the animals didn't wear much of anything, while the monkeys all wore ninja outfits and it was not really much to think about just a passing fancy of Ranma's quirky mind before he decided to show Kiki what he was made of as he ran forward, seeing that Kiki also started forward.

They were about to start getting serious when they both met each other to launch either an attack or a counter, that's what would of happened if they actually managed to meet each other in close combat before they were blown away after stopping when they heard a whistling sound come from out of nowhere before a object fell directly between them causing a large brilliant colorful explosion.

The explosion had sent Kiki's mallets skyward and had knocked both Ranma and Kiki flat on their backs, Kiki was singed but mostly fine except that her mallets were now MIA and Ranma was groaning slightly arms covered in burns and soot as he quickly blocked his face and upper torso from the blast.

**End point Crane, moments before the explosion.**

"What cha doing Wallflower?" Kazooie said walking up behind Crane who was busy fiddling around with a small log that was hollowed out on one side, had a small hole in the top of it where there was a small fuse sticking out of it.

"I'm trying to light this fuse on fire, but I'm having trouble getting it to light out here." Crane answered as if on autopilot not remembering that she was posed to be angry with Kazooie and she also didn't recognize that the door to the Encampment was wide open at the moment as she continued to work on the odd log by clicking two rocks together to get a spark to land on the fuse.

"Wouldn't that just set the log on fire along with the fuse?" Kazooie was rather intrigued and if anything so was Fox as she walked up to them and stood there looking bored with the situation as everyone else in the fortress was.

"No I coated the log with a fire proof material before I inserted the fuse, so everything should be fine if I could just light the darn thing." Crane said not looking up from what she was doing as she sat on the ground, continuing her quest to light the fuse on a homemade rocket launching log.

"Have you tried rubbing two sticks together?" Fox suggested helpfully from her position of to the side with her hand on her hips leaning in to study the strange thing Crane made.

"Couldn't get them to light either, like this darn fuse." Crane muttered under her breathe as she continued to ignore the fact that Kazooie and Fox were standing behind her.

"Need a light?" Kazooie asked genuinely happy that this situation was getting so absurd that Crane was ignoring their presence entirely; she motioned for Fox to stand back with a wave of her left wing.

"Oh sure." Crane said as she held up the rocket launchers fuse for Kazooie to light, Kazooie inhaled and spat a small stream of fire onto the fuse and it started to spark wildly.

"Thanks Kazooie." Crane turned, crouched down to shoulder and aim the hollowed out end towards the encampment, only to blink a few times before turning back to Kazooie in a startled yelp not realizing that she turned with the rocket launcher pointing back towards the valley as the fuse finally receded into the log.

The end result was that an explosion came from the end of the rocket launching log that sent a high velocity projectile into the air that left a blue trail of smoke, Crane fell backwards from the recoil managing to knock herself out on a rock embedded in the snow and Fox was now glaring at Kazooie, while in the background a huge cloud of smoke shot into the air in the horizon.

"Fine put her in the same cage as Rabbit and we won't let them out until she can explain how she feels about him, happy? I'm just trying to be evil here I'm not posed to be a good guy right now to my captives Queenie." Kazooie said derisively as Fox gave a bright smile and picked up Cranes limp body, to begin carrying her back into the fortress.

"Not what you expected to happen huh?" Fox said trying to make idle conservation as they trudged back to the ninja monkey encampment.

"I was actually expecting her to do better then this and actually succeed in rescuing Rabbit or at least let her rescue Underfoot (Mantis) that guy is such a downer sometimes." Kazooie said as she called for the monkeys to close the door to the encampment after they walked inside.

**With Panda at his training dojo on the hill.**

"I have just figured out a plan to rescue all those who have been captured!" Panda stated triumphantly before he was hit in the back of the head; causing it to slam into the table he was sitting at scrawling down rescue plans, by a mallet as it passed by and then impaled itself into the hillside of the dojo.

Panda then started snoring with his face still slammed flat into the table.

**End point Skunk, with Turtle in a field.**

"Finally we're done, I hope Rocky can appreciate all that I'm doing for him and I have no idea why… except that I'm just that nice and Panda would say that this would help me learn to be patient" Skunk set down the basket filled with nuts on the grass and looked around as everything seemed perfectly fine.

Then a mallet came flying from out of nowhere and impacted a tree, missing the basket from quite a fair distance away, this story isn't going to be that cliché.

"Well who do you suppose that belongs to?" Turtle asked as it wasn't often you saw something like that.

"Probably some ninja monkey, I saw them using something like that to bust rocks earlier." While Skunk was busy trying to get the mallet out of the tree Turtle picked up the basket and moved a fair distance back, wanting to be safe then sorry as Skunk finally managed to get the embedded mallet out of the tree.

It promptly fell on him after he gave a shout of victory that quickly turned to pain and Turtle gave a sigh… before looking around for something to get leverage on the tree.

**End point Ranma.**

"Did someone get the number of that car that hit me?" Ranma asked as he stood up dusting himself off ready for more combat.

"Actually it was a fireworks rocket, looked to be modified for extra power with a high impact triggered explosive cap and it has sent my weapons flying, I apologize but I will not be able to continue our fight until I can be assured of there safety as they hold sentimental value to me." With that the worlds oddest monkey ninja in a pink suit with a red heart emblazoned on it took step back and then tossed something to the ground creating a small smoke cloud that quickly disappeared leaving nothing behind.

"What the… where'd she go and how did she do that? I have got to learn how to do stuff like that, all I've got so far is and idea on how to create energy claws and that's because of my Fan Fan training. Am I talking to myself, wow I must be going insane." Ranma looked around the area as nothing came out of the small cloud that Kiki created.

"Hokey smoke! Are you okay mister? I saw a huge explosion here and came to check and see if anyone was hurt…yes I'm male stop looking at me like that." It took a moment for Ranma to realize he had been staring at the strange short creature he oddly recognized as a squirrel, it had a rather high pitch voice and looked to be quite young unless his entire species was always that short and had as high a pitch of voice.

"Yeah I've had worse, the names Ranma who and what are you?" Ranma had a bemused expression on his face as the squirrel looked a little pensive.

"I'm Rocky and I'm a flying squirrel, you wouldn't happen to know where Panda's dojo is right?" Rocky was meant to stall Skunk and he did that so he figured maybe he could befriend Kazooie's new traveling partner or who she said would be her traveling partner after she's finished her business here.

"Sure, by the way have you seen a red bird with yellow tipped feathers and a beak that can open a mile wide?" After having asked that question Rocky sweat dropped, yep that sounded like the person who offered to help him if his fears are to be found correct and his kingdom does come under attack he'd definitely need any help he could procure.

"You could say that I've seen someone vaguely fitting that description." As Ranma led the way back towards Panda's dojo on the hill top only to stop when he saw something that caused him to stop and gawk.

There were ninja monkeys all over the place and Kiki had apparently gotten her mallets back, not to mention Panda, Turtle, Skunk and Duck were all tied up.

"Hey Meathead I've done something most villains can only ever dream of doing, in any case would you guys please dart him so you don't hurt yourselves attempting to fight him." Kazooie said with a smile and rather jovial tone, as several of blow darts hit Ranma from the back and he fell unconscious.

"Why…" It was all Ranma could get as the last thing he saw was Kazooie giving him a wicked smirk, oh the plan is coming altogether now, all she had to do was get what she wanted and then she can drop the charade to help out the vocally challenged squirrel.

"Uhhh… isn't this a little extreme Ms. Kazooie?" Rocky asked as he fumbled with his flight cap and goggles a bit, he knew Kazooie had her reasons for all the subterfuge.

"Are you kidding me, he would have beaten my guys to a bloody pulp if I didn't get the drop on him besides I'm having to much fun being evil for a short while, after I'm done I'll see to scouting out any problems in your lands personally and if you happen to need a backup army ask these guys, their willing to do anything to not be bored as long as there are no serious injuries involved." After it was all said and done, they started marching back to the ninja monkey encampment.

End Chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: We condone tomato pasting skunks for fun and profit, whatever there is to be had of either in this subject.

Darkon's note: This was arc 1? When did I include arcs in this story?

Trio's note: This story could have infinite arcs… without an ending in sight video game and Manga/anime characters have seemingly long life spans, kind of sad that the main author has a short life span thirty years or more dude.

Summary: The end of arc 1, friendships are made, trust is regained and things are completely explained to there fullest, while leaving gaping amounts of plot holes in place for no apparent reason.

Chapter 5: The Valleys happy end?

**Kazooie's territory Ninja Monkey Encampment.**

"nnnhhhh…. what hit me?" Opening his eyes Ranma sat up and instantly flopped backwards scrambling away from the figure floating in mid air with her legs crossed.

"Hello again Ranma, breathe calmly and take in the situation around you before you do anything else and don't overreact." Kiki was calmly floating there legs crossed in the middle of the cage he happened to be in though it seemed weird that she was speaking without even opening her eyes, he looked to another cage to see Skunk, Pig, Mantis and Ox with Bird playing cards, in a cage all there own Crane sat with a sulking Rabbit, while Fox, Scary feline demon, Panda, Turtle and Duck were in the last having a rather calm discussion despite all of them being in four separate cages.

"Oh right, Kazooie hit me… so why did she place you this cage with me?" Ranma muttered under his breathe feeling slightly hurt by betrayal, before addressing Kiki.

"Okay everyone, it seems I've won and I'm finally going to perform one of the most common of villain traditions while you all make your own preplanned escape attempts and I know you will because I will be performing a monologue the tendency to ramble on while you listen for a little then start getting antsy cause your all in a confining spaces." It was creepy to see Kazooie acting so cheerful and upbeat, this caused a shudder among everyone at trying to guess why she was this happy.

"No complaints, here blazing beak." Crane said as she was in a cramped space with Rabbit, sure he might not be enjoying her company yet but she sure was enjoying his.

"You have defeated us soundly and treated us quite nicely afterwards, I believe Dragon and Baboon have nothing to do with this at although these cages are a little much oh flippant one, I'm humbled to have been defeated by such a tactician of your stature and with barely any martial arts training." Panda said jovially sipping some tea with his friends.

"Eh could be worse, you could be forcing me to gather more stuff in a as you put it collect-o-thon of pain, by the way royal flush." Skunk called and the others at the table groaned.

Kazooie then dropped off from happiness in to a somber kind of look as she wasn't getting as much attention as she thought she would, the monkeys were still praising her at least and then there was Kiki who still called her master despite having stuck her in a cage with Ranma of all people.

"Well I really did lose all my nuts on the way here looking for help; Thanks for all your help Skunk and can we go now Ms. Kazooie?" Rocky said giving Kazooie a rather pleading look.

"Not until business is finished here, in any case it may take the rest of the day before we can set off, so go take a hot bath and get packing since we'll be leaving in the afternoon." Kazooie said giving Rocky a pat on the back as she turned towards her captive audience, pun very intended.

"Now I expected a lot better from you people, sheesh you've beaten Hot Air and Hot Head how many times without failing? In any case I still need to get what I want and that means that I'll be doing what I want to the newly dubbed Wallflower, Fluffy Butt, Meathead and Stinky so I can enact exactly what I planned in the first place if I ever managed to capture all of you, which was incredibly likely to fail so I'm even surprised I got this far considering I never thought that all three of you would have failed to foil my plans." Kazooie said before walking over to a bucket with a viscous red liquid off to the side and after giving it a sniff, tossed the contents at Skunk through the bars of the cage soaking him causing him to grunt angrily trying to discover what he had been covered in.

"Ewwwww Kazooie what did you do that… ulp… for…." Skunk was getting highly uncomfortable with the way that Kazooie was leaning her face in towards his and he skunked slightly however no one around him passed out as the smell had been nerfed by whatever Kazooie had just tossed on him.

"Well that solves one problem its tomato sauce and it should clear up your toxic smell problem, now you're free to go Tomato Nose, which is after I'm done, oh and Queenie try to go easy on him now that he can understand the meaning of being humbled." Kazooie then turned to Crane and Rabbit in there cage; no one knew what Kazooie was talking about but Fox's fur turned a deeper red around her cheeks.

"Wallflower, Fluffball you two are going to be stuck together all day, whether you like it or not and you guys aren't leaving till something happens, you guys will have to carry the cage back to the valley later because I'm not going to let them out." Kazooie then smirked at Cranes slightly pale expression followed by Rabbits questioning glance at her as if wondering what exactly was supposed to happen, he was clueless as ever.

"Finally, you need to learn to hit a girl Meathead or you won't realistically survive a fight with someone who could potentially stab you in the back easily with your guard dropped and I need a few things from you before I can release you from the cage after your done playing, have fun Kiki and remember to teach him about the bees, he'll get enough about the birds from me later." Kazooie then motioned for the monkeys to free everyone except Rabbit, Crane, Ranma and Kiki from their cages.

"Okay let's party back in the valley everyone, break out the fruit smoothies and the party favors and we'll leave these four alone to get acquainted, trust me I'll be back to check on them later… oh and Kiki if you could direct the vocally challenged squirrel towards the party when he's done, he really needs to loosen up a little about his voice problem." Kazooie said as everyone else left, the dwellers felt kind of awkward being around the ninja monkeys they tended to thrash on a daily basis being very calm and even respectful.

"Yes master, am I to ascertain that I will be stuck in this cage all day with Ranma?" Kiki said even giving a hint of a pleading look to Kazooie that she didn't want to give Ranma even half of 'the talk' his father probably would never have given him, all things considered if Genma thought women were weak how did he ever reproduce or even ever expect Ranma to when he had no idea what to do in such a situation as romancing someone of the opposite gender.

"Yep… see ya Whackwit…" Kazooie said with a cheeky smirk as she trotted off leaving a particularly happy Kiki behind with a confused Ranma.

"Why are you smiling like that?" Ranma didn't know what made Kiki so happy about Kazooie giving her a nickname, but for some reason she seemed much brighter and her heart symbol seemed even a lighter shade of pink

"Master finally acknowledges me in giving me a most intriguing nickname; it is a sign of honor she has given to me." Kiki was confusing Ranma more then he had ever been confused before, wasn't a mean nickname posed to make people mad?

"How is that a sign of honor?" Ranma just had to ask, he really need to know what Kiki saw in Kazooie blatantly pointing out she was a mallet happy monkey.

"Because master always intends to not only insult, but inspire and she uses Whackwit in not only reference to my ability to wield my battle hammers but also my ability to perceive greater meanings in the things she does. While to others it may sound like an insult as if I only think about smashing things without thinking about it with my mallets. Now master wanted me to tell you about the bee's part of what is known as the birds and the bee's we'll get to that after we're done beating each other senseless…" Kiki really felt appreciated to be given a name that actually meant 'to strike with ingenuity' instead of just being a seemingly randomly violent non thinking mallet happy monkey ninja.

That and she knew some mallet happy monkeys from the Monkey Mallet Menagerie, they were the male mallet users of the monkey ninjas and were equally skilled, since they practice by shattering rocks without actually hitting them, they started to practice doing it solo to get better after they proved that they could do it as a group.

**Several hours later after partying, along with a few plot holes.**

Kazooie had come back to a rather comical sight that caused her to burst out laughing to the point she nearly died from the inability to breathe until Fox made her swallow some water so that she'd calm down, the only ones that came back to the fort were Fox, Skunk and Rocky.

What had caused Kazooie to bust a gut? It was Ranma or what appeared to be him, his visible fur looked a lot paler and he was covered in injuries, Kiki was also in the same state of affairs but she wasn't looking incredibly pale, apparently Ranma learned to hit a girl with enough force at least and hopefully only ones that can fight back.

"So I guess you got through the bees, wanna hear the other half?" Kazooie said jokingly before Ranma jumped at the thought of hearing the rest of it as if spooked by the very idea.

"NO… I mean no, I don't want to learn about the birds I've already gotten most of the general idea from the bees." Ranma was looking at Kazooie with a new found respect even if it was in horror.

Meanwhile off to the side Crane was snuggling a passed out untied Rabbit.

"Let me guess he fainted and after he woke up he asked if it was a dream, also you wouldn't happen to know what Kazooie said to get Snake to work for her?" Fox said with giggle to Crane whose cheeks turned bright purple, fox blinked at the odd discoloration but didn't bother mentioning it.

"Yeah he's so cute when he's trying to get you to reveal what we were supposed to do locked in together by acting all high and macho, the reason I like him is because he acts like a jerk when he's actually so sweet, but as for Snake I haven't the foggiest what Kazooie might have said or done I'll have to pry it from him later." Crane was so going to gossip about that later with Duck and Fox, if she could pry the information out of the valleys local spy.

"Would you keep it down we have important plot points to move here, sheesh you're so candy coated Wallflower you give people cavities by being in the general vicinity of them." Kazooie said before everything shifted to focus on Ranma, Kiki and Kazooie once more.

"Plot what master?" Kiki asked as if not following what Kazooie was talking about and Ranma looked equally confused.

"Darn fourth wall deniability syndrome." Kazooie muttered under her breathe, before saying in a louder tone that it was nothing to worry about.

"Okay, I believe Ranma has learned to strike without hesitation if a girl is a viable threat and you are certainly the biggest threat here master… I would like to get out of this cage please." It was when Kazooie shook her head no that Kiki frowned.

"Sorry not just yet, I got the Love Bird and the Easter Bunny together, but I still want three things from Ranma, one of which he owes me." Kazooie said as she sat down and waited for Ranma to think about it.

Ranma had to think about it and when he asked if the fans were what she wanted back, she shook her head negatively, but she wouldn't mind having them back later whenever a situation that came up and she might have needed them.

Ranma continued to think about what he had that Kazooie might want, all he had was the clothes on his back that he washed at least once, Kazooie's 'Artful Joker' fans and his knowledge of quite a number of combat styles that was one thing he knew Kazooie wanted, she wanted to be taught how to fight in a different way or maybe include it into her acrobatics she called platforming for some odd reason.

So what could be the other two things she'd want, unless… well he never did say he was her friend only that she was his… that's two… what's the third… his eyes widened, of course… she wants him to go with her on a adventure.

"Hey Beaky… need a friend to go on an adventure with? Oh and I can work on helping you develop the mocking bird style of anything goes while we're at it." Ranma said rubbing the back of his head sheepishly; the cage was opened shortly thereafter.

"Yes and I would like to, it's about time you told me you're my friend Meathead… Also I guess Whackwit is going to come along as well since she'd probably follow me anyway even if I somehow managed to tie her up and then stuff her into an overly complicated slow moving death trap." This got two awkward looks from both Ranma and Kiki, Kazooie was just one of those people who you couldn't tell if they was joking or not, because it certainly was in her large repertoire of abilities to actually make such a statement a reality, she was one really dangerous bird even if she wasn't being used as a tool or was too busy being incredibly lazy.

It was also to be considered that Kazooie does scary things when she befriended you but you never befriended her, it certainly would leave Ranma jumping at the mere mention of the word 'bee' for the rest of his life.

It kind of makes you wonder what would happen if Ranma is ever told about the birds from a person who would personally understand the subject all to well. The martial artist was already scarred for life, so could Kazooie possibly make it any worse? Yes, yes she can.

"Ms. Kazooie, that party you threw was fun and everything, but you promised to help me and my kingdom I'm worried it might have already come under attack." Rocky said worried that Kazooie was taking this in to much of a lackadaisical manner for Rocky's taste.

"Oh come off it Pitch, by the time we get there whatever army they have will already have started invading the outlying villages we'll get into a scuffle and then something will happen that leads me to collecting a bunch of seemingly random crap that actually turns out to be useful in the end and we'll end up fighting a countless number of things odd and or abstract from the norm whatever the hell that could be with me around so no use hurrying." All Kazooie got was questioning stares as to how in the world would she know that to be a fact that she acted it is.

"Well if you say so…" If Rocky wasn't put off by her demeanor then he certainly was now.

"I still need some more time to say good bye to my friends here, then the four of us can hit the road for wherever this kingdom of yours is and you'll have all the time to explain all that stuff about it on the way there anyway. Hey Fox I guess this is so long you've been a good sport at handling my mouth, Crane start getting more assertive I think he likes that and Skunk hope you have a nice time helping Fox carry that cage back to the valley." When Kazooie got around to mentioning the cage and giving Fox a hug, she got questioning stares from the three valley dwellers that were awake at the moment.

"Why do we have to exactly carry the cage back?" Skunk just had to ask and Kazooie gave him a sheepish grin.

"The cage kind of…. got stuck… as in won't open, have fun with that Queenie, Wallflower and Tomato Nose." This got groans all around except a happy giggle from the one stuck inside the cage, then after everyone got back to focus they noticed Kazooie already running off dragging Rocky behind her by his fluffy grey tail.

"Master!" Kiki suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke and reappeared next to Kazooie running on all fours with both her mallets on her back.

"Hey I promised I'd go with you guys." Ranma yelled as he started leaping after them, he was so good at jumping that it put frog to the shame leaving behind the four valley dwellers in the encampment, as the three that were awake watched him catch up.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say she threw that party as a going away party, instead of just wanting to rub it in our faces that we couldn't beat her in a match of wits." Fox said while putting a paw to her head shaking it sadly, she was missing her flapping beak already.

"Hey you guys wouldn't mind giving us a hand before you unthaw Baboon so we can go back to normal? Well you don't have to unfreeze Dragon, but yeah..." A monkey came up to Skunk and gave him a thumbs up with a smile, oh sure they'd go back to fighting but at least it will be more for fun then really trying to go at each others throats.

It took them a while to do it, but the monkeys managed to carry the cage all the way back to Panda's dojo then let out a bunch jabbering talk, it was the Monkey Ninja way of saying farewell to the dwellers and their leader who was probably still in the valley watching the sunset right about now.

**On a cliff overlooking the valley of nudist animals.**

Kazooie was watching the sunset and she'd be missing some of the friends she'd made, like Skunk, Fox and Crane, also she'd miss punting Rabbit over the horizon.

Ranma was relaxing next to the campfire wondering about what he might have gotten himself into by agreeing to follow around some crazy bird that seemed to live a life that bordered on complete magical insanity compared to his old one; of course he also promised to teach her a work in progress martial arts style when she didn't even actually challenge him in the first place, it was more implied that he would do it anyway, darn he's a sucker.

Kiki was floating in mid air with her legs crossed quietly eating a banana with her eyes closed, sure she'd miss leading her aggravated female mallet unit but she'd rather follow her master into imminent danger any day as life would never be boring again.

Rocky looked worried about his kingdom and what kind of trouble it could be in now with all his friends and his family extended or not being in possible trouble.

"So tell me about this kingdom you're from Pitch, because if I'm to help you and everyone there I need some information about yourself, your kingdoms defenses and where you fit into all of this." Rocky looked to Kazooie with a solemn quiet glance, before he gave a sigh and readjusted his blue flight cap with goggles.

"Well if you want to know about where I fit into all of this, I'm Private Rocky J. Squirrel from one of the Kingdom of Zebulos's many flying squirrel units, in particular I'm from the frost bitten falls unit the few jobs we get are to be messengers, help glide or fly people into or out of battle and also work as flying archers, crossbowman and saboteurs because of our small mostly unnoticeable statures." It seemed Rocky was a little unused to people actually listening to him because he seemed to be a little free with the information at the moment.

"Anything else you can tell us about your home?" Ranma said taking an interest in the conversation.

"Why yes, my best friend is general of a brigade of guardsmen in the kingdom and he's a moose who is also easily recognizable because he's not all that bright or competent except when it comes to holding his position, he can do that well enough but not forever and especially against the Devotindos Empire led by the evil emperor Devligus." Rocky noticed the other three giving him a blank stare; of course they wouldn't know of Devligus as Rocky silently thought to his self how best to explain it.

He continued his rousing explanation of the Devotindos Empire, how they built destructive machines from dark magic and had no morals to speak of, he continued on to explain his Kingdom and its mostly peaceful ways and how the soldiers from it might not be good enough to stop an invasion force.

"I've got my work cut out for me, sheesh being a hero is exhausting work how could Banjo ever do it without me? Oh right, he has my sister to help him now and I guess I'll be busy helping Falsetto here." Kazooie was being rather satirical with her self at the moment watching the peaceful sunset while giving wonder to how things would turn out here as she took out the world map from her magical backpack and looked for where they were setting out for tomorrow it was a good distance away and would take quite a bit of traveling, but if Rocky could fly while carrying Kiki's weight they'd get there in far faster manner depending on how well he could fly unless Kiki had a way to improvise her own flight given the hovering ability, then it might go even faster.

Ranma was wondering about Panda or even Turtle; but Duck he'd really miss her attitude on life, they didn't ask anything from him or expect anything of him they just wanted to help him after he explained his life and for the first time in his life he felt right about his course he chose himself and having nothing to do with his father at all, well with the exception that Kazooie kind of forced him into this he felt nothing was wrong at all and being a bear had it's advantages so far though he wished he didn't have a odd craving need for anything with a sugary taste, he didn't think he could look at a bee twice the same way, so how was he posed to get honey if he couldn't go near a hive without getting all embarrassed about it. Kiki kind of freaked him out for some reason, if the bruises she dealt him didn't make it slightly apparent why; it was her odd ability to shift her nature at any given moment. Rocky seemed to be set in his defend the weak category until proven otherwise.

Kiki had to wonder about her master sometimes as she seemed to enjoy life; sans the mention of collecting anything, but at other times she was far more somber then she would ever apparently be while still managing to crack a joke at other peoples apparent expense, but it was more then that as it was like nothing could ever get to her but that didn't mean she couldn't be emotional like the fact that her apparent plan to capture almost all of the valley dwellers actually worked despite what she claimed would happen and that was that it would fail spectacularly. Ranma was kind of cute if you could get things through his slightly dense skull, he was good at fighting and that seemed to be all he seemed to know besides sleeping and eating. Rocky was someone she didn't have a good read on yet though, but his voice was awkward even if it was because he was kind of short in stature.

Rocky was the shortest of the group and yet he went through all this trouble to get help, he had to explain himself and he found that it came easily enough to get things off his chest, he just wished Kazooie would quit with the cracks at his seemingly feminine high pitched voice, other then that he had no problem with the three that came to help him as Kazooie seemed to be really smart, Ranma was apparently kind and strong like his best friend and maybe a lot less dense, then there was the mysterious Kiki who he couldn't tell if she was paying attention or not with her so called monkey meditation and it was even stranger that she kept calling Kazooie master when it was explained that she wasn't a martial artist or a master of anything, except to Kiki apparently.

**Panda's Dojo on the hill.**

The ninja monkeys were at least courteous enough to stay behind and help clean up the mess from Kazooie's party when they dropped off the cage containing Crane and Rabbit, Rabbit was busy trying to struggle weakly against the female cranes snuggling trying to appear in control of his situation and failing epically at that as his entire body was a shade of red Skunk might have been able to compare to when he was tomato sauced by Kazooie.

Panda had to admit that it's design was something to be astonished at, because they'd either have to literally tear the thing open or find out how Kazooie had managed to get the bars to be as stiff and thick as they were into a locked position, since they were made entirely out of bamboo it should have been easy to just chop it apart with a basic kung fu attack, however they were solid and reinforced instead of slightly hollow.

It seemed Kazooie wasn't kidding when she said the cage was stuck, Fox was busy with Skunk trying to understand how to get the cage open again, Panda had always said he needed to work on the mental side of Kung Fu a bit more and figuring how to open this cage was a test in itself if even Fox and all her cunning couldn't figure it out.

Thinking outside and eventually doing things from a box is what Skunk was good at and there would be no box tougher then what the annoying red bird had cooked up and Panda wasn't talking about Brainless either chuckling to himself, maybe wry nicknames were contagious.

"Oh, I finally think I remember what and who Kazooie reminded me of…" Panda stated all of the sudden from looking over the cage with Duck and Turtle at his side, turning a glance to him; Turtle had a rather knowing smile.

Snake sighed as he slithered up from coming out of his hideaway as he figured Panda might have gotten a little angry with him since he kind of betrayed everyone, he had his pride as a spy to keep a secret like how exactly did Kazooie coerced him to work for her, it was embarrassing enough never to speak of again.

"Ah Snake, so glad to see you can STICK around to hear some interesting news." Panda was making fun of Kazooie's nickname for him as the Living Stick, of course it was in jest and stated in a jovial tone so Snake must have not been in that much trouble.

"Well go on, who does Kazooie remind you of?" Snake asked as he really hadn't had much to do lately since the ninja monkeys came under Kazooie's rather pleasant wings.

"Kazooie reminded me of Dragon's total opposite in everyway, it was said one day that someone with a fiery spirit like Phoenix's might visit the valley some day bringing peace in the oddest of ways and I believe Kazooie was the one who did as such by defeating us soundly." Panda thought slowly back to Dragons downfall, his pride caused his fall and he wonder how Dragon felt when he saw someone who isn't quite Phoenix, but reminded him of her just enough to put a crack into his dark heart.

This started a bunch of murmuring among the dwellers as Phoenix was another legend the valley had, this filled everyone with wonder as Panda went on to tell a tale of a great bird of fire that could rise from it's own ashes…

End Chapter.

Authors notes.

**Fourth Wall Deniability Syndrome- A syndrome that many and most characters in any story, video game or otherwise relative to such, no matter how much it is mentioned or explained will continue to ignore the fact that the fourth wall does indeed exist. (At random intervals can a few people actually become aware that the fourth wall exist, but tend to not question it or will finally drop the FWD syndrome, forever being aware that they are in fact being watched by something else.)**

_People who are aware of the fourth wall so far-_ Kazooie, some (keyword) video game characters in general, Cologne, Shampoo.

Why has no one ever considered a connection between Banjo Kazooie and Ranma one-half for a story I'll never know, but I can honestly say that it might have been a better idea in someone else's hands, there is so much you could do with the idea.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Don't own Rocky; don't own Rocket Knight Adventures and I certainly don't own Utah; there are a mass of cameos and lots of exposition taking place in this story.

Sir's note: Hit or miss, it's a story even if you can't see it exactly from another's perspective.

Summary: Platforming brought to you by the letters Z and X.

Chapter 6: Jumping! (The filler chapter, mostly)

**Two weeks later.**

Ranma was having a good dream that something odd and completely amazing happened to him and it came to a crashing end when he felt a huge shock of chill as he was thrown into a nearby body of water, he was awake now and he remembered he was stuck with a bird that won't get off his back about teaming up.

"KAZOOIE!" Ranma screamed angrily as he spluttered helplessly in the water and glared at the snickering red bird, her greens eyes were filled with mirth as usual as she held out a towel to him as he crawled out of the water of the river they camped next to.

"As you know Meathead you can't go anywhere without a towel, you probably should have turned into a fish when your dimensional curse activated when you arrived with how often you seemed to get hit by water, oddly enough all of it is mostly hot, must have garnered the water attracting portion of a Cursed Jusenkyo spring even if it triggers nothing at least you're a very clean bear and your clothes are washed daily." Ranma gave a heaving sigh as he set about to dry himself and his clothes off; she was kind of spiteful at times but she was far more tolerable then his old man.

Ranma had asked her if she knew anything about the spring he fell in, but he never asked what the springs exactly did and why they were there in the first place, he counted himself lucky to not change form constantly by use of water after he was told what Kazooie knew of the puddles of magically enchanted fresh water.

It was a rather horrifying bit of news that involved the Amazons, Phoenix People, Werehybrids, a bunch of bad rules made by the tribes and the people who didn't want to follow them but were enforced against their will. The most interesting tidbit was that Kazooie's friend Humba Jusenkyo Wumba was adopted by the people who created two once in a life time portals that they left cursed after they were done with them, as a video game character Humba was naturally created as an orphan with no parents unless it was important to the story thereby they would magically come into existence. Nobody ever expanded on the idea so she was adopted by the people who came to the game world when it was still an idea just forming, she gained quite a grasp of magical puddle enchantments that weren't cursed, but could do many a similar thing to Mumbo's shaman magic which was much better in comparison for it's availability and various supplemental uses.

Of course it took Ranma longer to understand the concept of the video game realms altogether, he wasn't just the one teaching Kazooie a thing or two about how to fight, she was teaching him things he should have known as he was lacking in the educational department, she also taught him a few secrets to platforming and how to perform the many tag team tricks that she and Banjo were known for, however it was stuff he seemed to already know except the tag team stuff, Kazooie held back some of the advanced platforming abilities for a special reason.

In the long run Ranma had to admit Kazooie was far smarter then him, but she was ultimately lazy as he couldn't teach her to save his life if he tried; however he hoped it never came to her having to save him as he'd never hear the end of it, Kiki however was an excellent study and sparring partner worthy of most of his attention as she could temporarily surpass his abilities however it required lots of energy in exchange whereas all he had to do was outlast her until she ran low on energy, but even then she could land some pretty heavy blows with her mallets, fists and tail. Of course the only reason he could actually teach Kiki was because she understood martial arts as a ninja monkey, therefore none of his explanations for moves went over her head at all unlike Kazooie who had said something along the lines that his teaching ethic should be set to level zero.

That wasn't to say that Kazooie wasn't learning anything, she took the Mocking Bird style somewhat seriously and somewhat in contempt, of course after learned to perform the explosive heel drop did she brighten up and ask if there was anything else as explosive. That just led a flashy show of Ranma performing a small sideways tornado with Kazooie's "artful joker" fans, (he was working on a alternative to the four winds technique and came up with this) she then immediately performed the same affect only larger with her wings and continued on to improve on it when she set the tornado ablaze with a small spark of fire from her beak and went on to comment that hers was bigger.

Ranma having been told the riot act about the bee's understood that what Kazooie said was a one-up joke, one of which he wasn't going to comment on and it wasn't long after that joke did he learn about the birds side of things. His torture of having to listen to Kazooie rather errant explanations pretty much filled out everything he needed to know on the subject; he wish she didn't bother with it, other then that it had been an interesting past week or so. Even if he still questioned Kazooie how it was posed to work between different species of humanoid animals and she just exclaimed it just does every time he asked.

Traveling by kite and or combination hang glider as Kazooie called it wasn't all that bad, however he and Kiki were putting their lives in the hands of a small jittery grey flying squirrel and a bird Ranma hated, but he felt a kinship with her at the same time though admitting it would take forever and a half to the loud motor mouth.

The flying was fun; it was the landings that gave Ranma some trouble, which is why he preferred Rocky to be the one pulling his glider in flight, since he had an oddly unique and not entirely unjustified fear of Kazooie trying to pull something in mid flight, Kazooie seemed to be conspiratorially against him sometimes.

Rocky honestly seemed to be bright like Kazooie, but somehow Ranma was reminded of himself and couldn't for the life of him figure out why. He had asked Kiki why and she said it was because he lacked worldly experience like Rocky does, whatever that meant.

"Sometimes I think I might just become like my pops to spite Beaky." Ranma muttered as he sat down next to Kiki who gave him a friendly smile, now she he could get along with.

"My master certainly has her ways of waking you up; I must admit I would have loved to see how she made that storm cloud that followed you for an entire day zapping you with tiny lightning bolts every now and then, but I missed seeing her process in creating it." Kiki seemed to be jovial, but her voice was slightly monotone at times and she was level headed most of the time, although odd in many ways like when she explained just how exactly her ninja monkey suit shifted with her mood and abilities.

"Where's Rocky?" Ranma had started to believe Rocky was rather quiet and didn't seem to be approachable, however anytime someone commented on his voice he always spoke up and defended himself to the best of his abilities despite being of a diminutive stature.

Rocky also seemed to have a cautious amount of optimism as if three more people would be enough to help him find out if his kingdom was about to be under siege if it wasn't already, he was actually looking for a different group of people entirely to help him out but these three would do in a pinch if Kazooie's army of ninja monkeys were to be suddenly involved it would be more help then he was expecting to get.

"He said he was going to search a nearby hidey-hole for some spare supplies in case things are worse then he thinks they are." Kiki stated while idly as she started juggling both her mallets and several odd things after Kazooie came over, just to toss objects from her backpack into the pattern to see if Kiki would falter, she didn't, even when a balloon animal, a boomerang and a rather well worn snake plush toy along with a few other odd things just for kicks where thrown into the pattern.

Ranma just watched in mild amusement, before Kazooie got a gleam in her eye that sent a chill up his spine when she directed her green eyes at him and caught several of the things in Kiki's juggling loop to stuff them into her backpack before she turned her attention to him.

"Say I have an idea, why don't we work on your platforming skills? I saw a nearby small plateau that could help me test and see if you're ready for the advanced skills?" Kazooie said with a devious smirk on her face.

"I'm already good at that stuff Kazooie I don't see why I have to relearn any of the stuff I can already do." Ranma didn't see a point when he can already jump like a pudgy plumber Kazooie mentioned to him once, run a marathon without getting tired and already had a much better understanding about how to think on his feet after the small crash course he's already been through with Kazooie.

"You're only good at the basics, if you'd listen to me I could practically teach you to perform stunts that you didn't know you were capable of and at this point I'm willing to bet Banjo could perform to my outlandish expectations even without my tag team assistance in his platforming abilities, also you got to not only learn how to perform tag team feats with me… but others as well Meathead." Kazooie made a gesture with a feather pointing over her shoulder to Kiki as she stretched having finished some minor exercises after having finished her juggling routine; she had looked over to them when she was mentioned.

"What else could you actually teach me that would be any use beyond what I'm already capable of, other then learning how to use each other as a weapon that neither person would like losing?" Kazooie was rather surprised by Ranma's insight and the fact that he was actually worried about something other then martial arts; having stable grounded friends for the first time really helped, but it never showed on Kazooie's rather gaunt expression.

Having your weapons taken from you is one thing, using your friend as one and trusting them not to be taken hostage and be okay after the fact is another, it showed Ranma truly cared what happened to Kazooie and Kiki, even if Kazooie gave a rather loud scoff at the thought of anyone capturing her for too long, she was an ass kicker if there ever was one.

"Then you better trust that we're strong enough to handle our own and remember that we're no walks in the park Ranma, right master?" Kiki said as she joined the conversation.

"Hey Whackwit why don't you join Meathead in climbing to make it a challenge, I'll also be busy trying to knock you guys off the plateaus wall as you climb and jump your way up it and after your both done I'll teach you some of the advanced skills to make your body sail through the air, of course it'll be mostly from being hit with this but you can't deny semantics." Kazooie took off her backpack and started pulling out a familiar rocket launching log, then gave them both a very wicked smile.

"Master, didn't that used to belong to the female white crane of the valley dwellers?" Kiki asked slightly upset as she knew what kind of destructive force that thing could launch; given she had been in close proximity of it's first shot and that Kazooie was a live ammunition factory it wouldn't be a long stretch to say they'd have to dodge frantically while climbing up the wall, until they got out of range of the thing.

"Oh this thing, I always carry a souvenir of my adventures and I thought why not pick up something that was already there to remind me of the good times I've had." Kazooie said innocently, while both Ranma and Kiki shuddered at the implication that her platforming challenge was far more of a challenge now that she brought out some heavy artillery that somehow fit into the confines of her small blue magic backpack.

"Well Beaky I'll be the judge of any of those advanced skills are useful, when I reach the top." Ranma said with an amount of confidence and pride, it was one of the things you couldn't knock out of him.

"You can try Bonehead, you can try and you probably will succeed but that doesn't mean it will be easy." Kazooie in rather cackling tone, when Rocky flew in with a crossbow and quiver loaded with arrows strapped to his back giving everyone a questioning look when he landed at why they seemed to be at each others throats at the moment.

**Moments later and after Kazooie gave the word.**

Ranma had thought he's been through it all, but he was wrong as Kiki and he worked their way up the side of the rock wall of the plateau Kazooie mentioned.

He leapt to the side as another avalanche of boulders rained down from above with a well placed scattershot of grenade eggs fired from the end of the rocket launching log; however the limit seemed to be forty nine eggs with every shot fired at them which wasn't too bad since it took Kazooie some time to reload it, she avoided the recoil problem Crane had by using it like a mortar instead of using it like a bazooka.

It was when Ranma felt something small and snakelike that wrapped around his right wrist, did he realize he was in the path of another boulder before he was pulled to safety by Kiki who held onto the Cliffside with one arm and with impressive show of strength managed to swing him upwards to a safe ledge not all that far above her, she had perfectly released her tails hold on him at the right moment in the swinging arc for maximum effect.

"Thanks Kiki." Ranma, yelled down to her.

"No problem Ranma-san." Kiki had actually bothered to use an honorific with him in his native language, which kind of had him surprised as she never handed those out easily at all, even to Rocky and she always called Kazooie master so it was hard to tell when you have earned her respect.

A ice egg exploded a little to Kiki's left that sent her quickly clambering up the rock wall as some ice slowly encase a small area around where she had just been, Kazooie had very good aim with those things and she wasn't aiming to harm, but she certainly knew how to aim to cause problems as fire, goop and ice eggs pounded the wall around them making it harder to climb.

They had almost made it to the top a few minutes later without problem in progress, as they tended to support each other simply as courtesy to a friendly relationship with another martial artist, Ranma usually used his strength to support Kiki and she supported him with her agility.

"Well you got to admit they work pretty well together." Kazooie gave Rocky a blank stare before loading the rocket launching log flipped it over, putting it muzzle first to the ground and then proceeded to sit on it after lighting the extra length fuse she installed in it, she took out a cup from her little blue backpack and poured some tea from the kettle she pulled out with it, putting the kettle away she sipped her tea with one of her legs crossed over the other as she quietly looked at the grassy landscape they were close to the Zebulos Kingdom now.

"Admittedly, yes I'm surprised he's picked up on working with another person so fast, but my guess is it revolves around the fact that she is a martial artist of extremely unique hard to follow techniques that can not be learned by just watching. They will make great friends if I do say so Ventriloquist." Kazooie said in a weird mocking version of a British voice, while taking notice the fuse was halfway done she quickly finished drinking the tea and being loopy for a short while as she put away the cup.

"I guess this is where the idea for rocket packs came from for the Rocket Knights." Rocky said idly trying to make conversation, which got Kazooie's attention in a heartbeat; there were several things she liked and some things were her secret alone; however, Kazooie didn't keep it a secret she most noticeably liked explosive things, being a small vice of hers adding mayhem to a rather starch and boring situation which is why she would open her beak nine times out of ten just to shake things up.

"Did you just say Rocket Knights Squeaky? We so have got to talk after this, because I really want to know about the subject you withheld from us but alas I can not as this thing is about to explode under my bottom… so… KAAZZZZOOOOOHHHOOOOOOOEEIIIII!" Rocky for one didn't like how many nicknames Kazooie had for him as he watched her shoot off towards the top of the plateau on a burst of fire coming out the end of the log, he stood there for a moment wondering why he tried to bring up the reason why he was looking for help in the first place, sure there was the threat of invasion but the main reason was far more different and urgent as to why the invasion would be applicable for the Devotindos Empire in the first place.

Ranma had to admit he never would have thought of doing half the things that Kazooie will do without hesitation and like launching herself into the side of a cliff, but it certainly surprised him to almost be hit by the full force of a rocket propelled log that is normally used to fire rockets(In case of Kazooie, eggs), not only that but Kazooie was standing on top of it with a large smirk and with a kick of her talons a small rock slammed into his forhead causing her to cackle before she tried to push the log out of the side of the cliff face.

After the log came loose and started falling Kazooie dove after it and let it fall into her backpack, with a smile and flew back up to the top of the plateau to greet the weary climbers when they finally reached the top, as she pulled out two scrolls which she wrote down the ideal platforming skills for both Kiki and Ranma depending on her judgment of what kind of skills they'd most like, leaving it entirely unexplained where she got the scrolls to write on in the first place and it is not yet mentioned that she's bad at writing given the entire wings not hands thing.

"Master, your method of creating a challenge is quite amusing, but also very tiring." Kiki said she hauled herself on all fours to the top of the plateau ragged and tired, followed shortly by Ranma who was rubbing his forehead while glaring at Kazooie also breathing hard, his back was slightly frosted over and he had small burns from the fire eggs on other parts of his body.

"Even if we're friends, I still hate you Beaky." Ranma muttered under his breath as he dusted himself off, Kazooie just gave him a smirk and held up to scrolls with their names on them, Kazooie for all her intelligence wasn't good at writing (now we're mentioning it) and it probably looked like a bunch of chicken scratch, but that's why she including the well drawn pictures along with the important informational diagrams to go with it.

"I like you to Meathead, but I've made these scrolls just for you two and before you can get them from me I'm going to teach you one advanced skill then let you learn the other skills in your own way or make up your own as platformers aren't picky about how they get around as long as they just do, so the skill I'm going to teach you two is the art of the double jump, not to be confused with the two jump." Kazooie had both their attentions now so she figured why not explain what a double jump exactly was; she had to just wait for the qualifier question

"Okay I'll bite what is a double jump and how is it possible if it is what I'm thinking it's going to be?" Ranma was pretty sure that once you jump unless you are to come into contact with another object you will always only have one jump at any given time to avoid danger, but if you could perform a second jump in mid-air, the possibilities were quite new then

"The double jump is an age old classic that goes back as far as time itself when people where I come from asked the question if you can jump one time and come back to the ground, then why not get two jumps before landing and thus the double jump ability was forged where when you jump once over a chasm to sure pain from the fall as you would not normally make such a jump now you can jump a second time and reach the other side with no problem. Of course a short time after the double-jump was invented; the next ever famous move that was created was the air dash an ability to propel oneself forward after a basic jump at high velocity…" Being a platforming joint hero with Banjo she knew all this stuff in the history of the gaming worlds.

"But master what is the difference between an air dash and a double jump." Kiki kind of felt like a little child, but she just had to ask so her master would continue.

"Good question, an air dash is not a second jump but a propulsion maneuver meaning it can be done in numerous directions even up but it usually happens in only one straight direction through usually by using energy to pressure your direction and velocity in a quick burst, a double jump works not by using energy but by your body itself to perform a ability that technically breaks the laws of gravity and isn't a quick burst at all as it suspends the amount of time you spend in the air. Let me show you two examples." With that Kazooie leapt into the air shot backwards at a blurring speed letting loose a bit of energy before stopping in the air dropping to the ground (Think Beak Bomb but backwards), then keeping her wings at her side to make sure they didn't think it was a trick jumped moderately high for a bird with springy legs and then while in mid air jumped again gaining twice the height of her normal jump.

"Okay I'll admit those are some things I'd really like to learn, my style is anything goes and I guess it includes platforming." Ranma said to himself sheepishly scratching the base of his pigtail.

"There is a good reason why you two are going to learn the double jump too, it's to make sure in case you fall from a high place you can stop your velocity when you're much closer to the ground so the things you learn from the scrolls will be that much safer to use." Kazooie then went about teaching them and showing them how to double jump and it was an interesting lesson for Ranma and Kiki.

Rocky stood to the side watching silently watching the surroundings from the top of the plateau wondering how everyone was doing back home as they were almost there and soon he would be able to find out if his worries can be put to rest or not.

"After half the Rocket Knights went missing… I've got a right to be worried." Rocky said to himself as it was odd that the heroes of the kingdom who were masters of controlling their inner energies in conjunctions with hunks and cylindrical metal that spewed fire formed of their own spirits to take flight and had created the vast legends of the greatest fighters of the Zebulos Kingdom, were slowly being hunted down and wiped completely off the map without nary a trace to what happened to them except the destroyed rocket packs that were found that belong to the knights that were all slowly going missing.

Even with their great skills of hand to hand combat, knowledge of the mystical sword arts and the ability to basically do what Kazooie had just explained as an air dash only more explosively with their rocket packs, some of the best knights shouldn't have gone missing so fast or at all, Rocky sadly thought to himself.

They were Rocky's child hood heroes, which is the reason why he became flying squirrel soldier for the Zebulos Kingdom, that and his best friend was a great protector of the kingdom even if he wasn't a rocket knight, people respected and always laughed with his friend for having goofy demeanor and the ability to take any kind of pressure with a dopey smile and or without a care in the world.

Rocky would have to tell Kazooie now, since he brought it up in the first place and he wasn't sure that bird would forget him mentioning the rocket knights as she showed a great interest in the word rocket and given her seemingly large love of things that went boom, he was probably going to regret explaining what a rocket pack was to her.

**Two days later.**

It was amazingly hard to do and yet easy to explain how to perform a double jump, but Ranma barely had the barest of ideas how he was even managing to do it the first few times, Kiki had learned to do it as well but was doing more poorly in progress, however Kiki did learn to air dash on her own as it was a ninja like skill in the first place it fit her abilities perfectly, however she couldn't air dash in a upwards moving direction.

Ranma couldn't get the timing or the necessary actions to perform an air dash, but he figured that learning the double jump if barely was an impressive feat in of itself and Kazooie made it look too easy when she did it, even if he thought platforming was weird it would be very good idea to add to his already impressive martial art skills.

They were currently on the outskirts of the Zebulos Kingdom and everything was too calm for everyone in the party of four however nothing seemed to be happening yet, but they were all on edge because it was so quiet.

It was another thirty minute of practicing that Ranma finally mastered double jumping enough for Kazooie to give him his scroll which she told him to immediately read the first lines out loud.

"Congratulations, you are now a graduate of the Kazooie basic platforming skills school, inside are the advance techniques that will be guidelines to your future of jumping the shark and through hoops of various dangers and excitement while you explore worlds to your fullest with no platform out of reach, and I can now stop reading because I'm a Meathead..." Ranma glared at Kazooie as she whistled to herself, while a fake halo floated above her head.

"Hey you called yourself a meathead, so what are you looking at me for? I'm completely innocent of doing anything wrong at all." The way Kazooie said it made it obvious that it was heavily sarcastic, she pulled out her kazoo and started playing a tune as she wandered off to watch Kiki attempt to do the double jump again, she already figured out how to do three consecutive air dashes yet jumping twice seemed to be giving her problems.

It was minutes later that Kazooie made a comment that was entirely odd beyond anyone there as they didn't know to what she was referencing.

"I was right about moles not knowing how to jump, especially if I can teach these two how to jump better then Goggle-lor taught me and Banjo." Kazooie said to herself giving a rather wistful sigh though it be in a rather mocking manner, she was missing her home slightly and the torment that mole was probably in, but adventure calls and she had a kingdom to save.

Of course if it came to collecting items on a massive scale, well hell hath no fury like a miffed red-crested breegull who could curse up a storm if something like that popped up on this adventure, she would proceed to wreck the dynamic of collecting things posthaste and just muscle her way through the situation without collecting the stuff necessary to complete the adventure.

End Chapter.

Tell me what I'm doing right, because I want to know if I can take this story further in the opposite spectrum.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: We don't earn anything from these stories so why do we have them? More cameo's if you could guess what they are you'd get a virtual cookie of any flavor.

Darkon Note: come on I thrive off reviews that put down my talents, please tell me I'm doing something wrong because wrong is a personal opinion I enjoy.

Summary: The story gets semi-serious again as the group spends time in a village, getting some clothes and food… but then again this story isn't so simple.

Chapter 7: Captain of the squirrels.

They were all in the village before long and it was a rather quiet and quaint place, the civilians were milling about farming, bartering and the like of performing their daily chores. Most of the people here were opossums, raccoons, rabbits and in the minority the ever unusual grey, brown or red flying squirrels with a smattering of other random species.

More importantly the people around here wore clothes instead of walking around in the bare fur or feathers. The clothes were all of a medieval setting and the villagers lived in small straw huts throughout the area and there were a few wooden buildings that held more importance, apparently weather wasn't an issue with the people living in there straw huts.

"What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs, as it rolls over your neighbor's dog? What's great for a snack and fits on your back? It's Log, Log, Log! It's looooggg…" Kazooie had been singing this song ever since she woke up that morning for some unknown reason, but she figured it was to get Ranma's or Kiki's goat

"GAH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE PLEASE SHUT UP ABOUT THE DAMN LOG YOU OVERGROWN FEATHER DUSTER!" Ranma burst out at Kazooie who just looked at him and gave a simple trill from her beak in indignation.

"But its log and it creates a huge blammo… and explosions are fun... also you used a clichéd insult so minus five points off your IQ meter and you are now at negative five." Kazooie said in jestingly sad voice before perking up to throw back her own insult, but decided to stop singing when she noticed that Kiki had an odd twitch in her right eye, Rocky was off asking the villagers about the current affairs in the lands of Zebulos just to get away from Kazooie singing the Log song repeatedly.

**Elsewhere.**

"For some reason I feel like I should despise your existence at this moment… but your not Kazooie are you? Also I have this strange feeling your dear sister is mocking me in some unexplained way from beyond the gaming universe..." The person who said this was currently addressing Banjo and Kazooey; he had a royal cape and a television for a head that had a frozen game of pong on it representing his eyes and nose, his name was LOG lord of games or in lesser circles the lame overbearing gamer that runs or ruins our lives.

"Bear and Bird is what I see, but the team I've heard is not what they be?" Grunty said in a rather lame rhyme, she was just a head in a cylindrical aquarium on a stout robot body.

"Stuff it garlic breath who smells like what died and crawled up itself under glass and you pong master how dare you call me someone I'm not, I just got a little pudgy that's all nothing's different." Kazooey was always the larger bird in size, but she was no less elegant then her sister.

"I think they're on to you, good thing B didn't get involved in this or she might have blown your cover, also I wouldn't want to see her in any danger especially with Grunty involved." Banjo whispered to Kazooey who gave him a deadpanned 'gee you think I'm not exposed already' look, she also muttered something about her sister, matchmaking, deviousness and the word love but it went unheard.

"Fat is your word for it I hear and you certainly have no tact for calling attention to it here." Grunty said with a sickening cackle that followed before what happened next broke all laws of gaming.

"OKAY THAT'S IT!" Kazooey then jumped from the identical to Kazooie's backpack that Banjo was wearing at Grunty's robot body and started the last boss fight earlier then expected bringing the magical wrench she recently received from Log to bear as Grunty's skull floating in the jar of water screamed in fear, Kazooey then proceeded to beat the third game in the Banjo 'Kazooie' series in less than thirty minutes after the adventure started.

"Why the pain receptors did you see to install, by bird I am now getting horribly mauled!" Grunty screamed in agony off camera as both Log and Banjo were watching in horror as Kazooey ripped Grunty a new one even if her body was mechanical.

"Note to self, the magical pain receptors make a boss too easy to defeat..." Log muttered to himself and wrote down some notes with the two metallic tentacles that popped out of his cape.

"Wow I didn't know Kazooie's sister could be that vicious and I thought she was a nicer version of Kazooie… remind me not to bring her weight into any of our conversations in the near future Log." Banjo said rather calmly as he watched Grunty continue to scream in agony and help from anyone off camera, because of all the amazingly graphic things that a bird was doing to her nobody wanted to stick around to help the poor witch in need.

"Duly noted and categorized Banjo, but I think we might have to reset the game because I don't think people would pay to watch a good ten minutes of this kind of R rated violence against someone whose already a legally half dead skull." Log said slowly.

"It'd be for the best; also I didn't know robots could bleed." Banjo agreed while putting a paw to his head to block out the mentally scarring images, before he decided to readjust his yellow shorts and shark tooth necklace, and then looked away while whistling to ignore all the viciousness of the immoral off screen acts.

"Again not one of my better idea's, I really should fix that." Log admitted paying more attention to Banjo then the carnage in the off camera background.

Log was surprised at how fast the game was beaten he had to reboot the scenario and place a mute control on Grunty's mouth and erase her memories, nobody except Kazooey and Banjo would remember this happened, which means he had to make sure that Kazooey was even more limited now as a support role to help in balancing in the tightrope segments and building vehicles, because if she was as much of an explosive egg chucking nutcase as her sister… the devastation…

Log was actually glad the real Kazooie took a hike but he couldn't find her in the gaming universe files, but figured she'd show up sooner or later as she has already put the fear of breegull's into several worlds already, so what's one more world that would cower at the mere mention of Banjo's previous action packed partner? Who tends to run her mouth, act rude and constantly tosses explosives around so carelessly you'd think she was actually trying to get you killed… Log decided to double the search efforts to keep an eye on her when she was found goodness knows she's already mentally ripping into another person already without Banjo acting as a character foil to soften that vile beak.

**Now back to the real adventure at hand in the outlying peasant village in the kingdom of Zebulos.**

Kazooie had been bored three minutes after she had stopped singing decided to fly around to explore the lands a bit on her own, leaving Ranma and Kiki to their devices.

"So what do you want to do?" Ranma had been almost perfectly hitting it off with Kiki in friendship, having learned a lot about controlling his internal energies he's managed to create his first original attack he calls the 'bear claw clash' which sends out three waves of energy with one clap of his hands, the attack either pushed or cut depending on what Ranma wanted to do with it and he could make it do both at once but it required much more focus and energy. On the side he was adapting it to increase his short range combat effectiveness.

The reason he named it the way he did is that a some martial arts tend to come from watching how animals move; which was a given for the Mocking Bird style, the only move he could think of that seemed useless was crouch of the wild feline… but the one good thing he learned from the years of abusive martial arts training was that he had to be adaptable and being a rather humanoid bear with short light brown fur, it did require some large amounts of adaptation to a new body.

Kiki mentioned this was a good thing; of course it was Kazooie who butted in to state that if something new didn't work fall back on what you already know and Kazooie took what she already knew how to do to vast extremes and thought of many unique uses for what seems like a one trick pony.

The trick she said she could do with an explosive egg, a piece of lint, some twine, a cork and a rubber band seemed to be like a tall tale until she performed it without really explaining how she managed to do it.

"If you are suggesting we train Ranma-san, then I suggest not for I wish to scout out the village and purvey some of its finer foods and chat among people who lead more normal lives, also we need to find you some more clothes if you do not wish to follow the valley dwellers in there slightly nudist ways." Kiki was looking at the townsfolk giving her odd looks as well as Ranma for his only pair of clothes was in pretty bad disrepair, Kiki had stowed her clothing in Kazooie's backpack though all of it was really nine different pairs of the same full body outfit she wore already, nobody had seen what she looked like out of her specific ninja monkey uniform.

"Yeah your right about that Ki, I guess it isn't really an issue where you come from and what did you mean when you said normal lives?" Ranma was rather curious to what normal was, his life was considered hell by anyone who heard his story, but he considered it normal… enough.

"I come from a colony of ninja monkeys, who eat, sleep and breathe mysteriously, what with our odd special language and the fact that it's almost impossible to tell our genders apart until Kazooie-sama changed some of the uniformity, I admit when I met my master it was a chance at something new instead of being a part of the crowd I wanted to be my own person, so I have no inkling to normal outside what I've done for most of my life yet I'm more aware of it then you are since I actually got news from outside the valley from time to time and I trained harder then most of those ninja slackers." Kiki saw a building with the word Tailor on it and then immediately dragged Ranma inside.

"Um Ki, how exactly are we going to pay for the clothing from this store? You've already heard a lot of the things my father has done and being a thief here wouldn't be on the top of my list when we're trying to help the people if that is in fact what Kazooie wants to do." Ranma saw Kiki give him an appalled look like she would actually think of stooping that low, but given how he was raised she understood why he would think like that, since technically it was in a ninja's job description to be hired out to steal stuff better then a thief could.

"No worries I'll ascertain if my currency is valid here and if it isn't I'll ask about the exchange rate if none, then we'll find a temporary job that can pay us quickly enough so as not to weigh down my master as her free spirit may become restless… she could cause quite a… disturbance." Kiki saw Ranma shiver at this, when Kazooie got even slightly bored, if she didn't immediately go exploring or find something to busy herself with, it was an explosion a minute from her.

"Yeah let's just hope they accept… what is the currency here any way? Also I've noticed ninja monkeys don't exactly have shops and with that in mind why would you need money?" Ranma was a little smarter and learning to question things, but if it was an inanimate object coming to life he learned from Kazooie to just ignore the fact that its existence is overly odd.

"Simple Ranma-san even if we can survive off the land in the valley small parties of ninja monkeys do travel outside the borders of the valley as I might of mentioned to get news and offer up a form of trade for stuff that we don't have in the valley that's hard to come by in our simplistic community." It seemed to be a pretty simple answer and Ranma just shrugged as they looked around, the few girls that were inside were looking at Ranma like a piece of meat as he was a rather good looking bear causing him to shiver uncontrollably.

"Um I don't like all the looks we've been getting especially from those girls, I think Rocky seems to be the only one who doesn't get them…" On the mention of Rocky's name a equally short as he was brown and white furred wiry male flying squirrel came up to Ranma in a rather excited manner.

"Did I hear right? Did you just say Rocky as in from frost bitten falls? He's still alive then? I must know for I might have urgent news if he is I've heard the rest of his unit was taken down by the Devotindos empire and I had come to fear the worst… oh terribly sorry for talking your heads off, where are my manners I apologize for not introducing myself as it is rude for me not to give you a name for I am Duke Laszlo Chardas friend to the people of Zebulos and the king." The squirrel gave a bow to them he was wearing some simple white clothes, with a small sash and noticeably at his side was a small rapier, he had a odd accent about him but his voice was of a normal male pitch in comparison to Rocky's outlandish tone.

"Um yeah… I'm Ranma and this is Kiki, Rocky said he was looking for help as in the kingdom of Zebulos was soon to be in dire trouble because the Rocket Knights started going missing or something like that from his explanation to why he'd be looking for help and my 'friend' though I hate to call her that wanted to adventure in this direction for some excitement… and what do you mean his unit was taken down?" Ranma suddenly had a worried expression on his face; things didn't bode well by the look on Laszlo's face when he mentioned the word unit.

"He's doesn't know? I hope he'll handle the news well when he finds out his friends are captured or… I dare not think it, but even his best friend is missing so do not mention word of it or the poor boy might loose heart that most of Zebulos's military is well to put it bluntly is rather not all there at the moment… though the most pockets of resistance are around at the castle, so it has yet to fall and the king is safe for the time being." Laszlo looked very tired all of the sudden.

"Do you know what's going on; we only know what Rocky's told us thus far of the Devotindos Empire and the kingdoms defenses we're still a tad in the dark of the situation Laszlo since he went exploring the town for up to date information." Kiki said suddenly gaining his attention.

"Hello milady Kiki of course I'll explain, His home Frost Bitten Falls has fallen and all the people have been captured, all the Rocket Knights are gone and the kingdom is under attack, not only that but there was a traitor that was amongst the Rocket Knights and we haven't been able to find out which one as they've all but disappeared, even this outlying village isn't safe at the moment and the villagers are getting kind of jumpy at anyone who isn't from the Zebulos Guard." The flying squirrel held his head low as he spoke, his fluffy tail giving a bit of a droop.

"Why do I get the feeling that's not everything?" Ranma had a very real sense of dread come into his gut.

"Yes, I have to admit that this village may come under attack soon and I've been trying to unsuccessfully form a militia since the Zebulos army can't spare anyone except very few bodies from fighting those monstrosities that the pigs might come up with next, so I've not much luck recently and I'm sorry to be taking up your time as you must have come here for a more important reason then talking to me judging from the disrepair of your clothes, you also look hungry so do you mind if I accompany you in your endeavors so I can meet up with Rocky?" Both Ranma and Kiki looked at each other and nodded to him.

After a bit of poking around Ranma finally had some new clothes some that seemed to be like his old worn out set and could fit his size, but he had no way to store them away as Kazooie had the magical backpack and was still out exploring so he had to carry them in his arms while they went to a place to eat under Laszlo's directions who had paid for the clothes for taking up their time in the first place, they tried to deny his charity but he stated any friend of Rocky was a friend of his.

They came up to a building where there was lots of people around being rather quiet, despite the clinking of plates of food and drinks going on inside, everyone outside seemed to be wary of a unseen coming storm.

"Ah Sally's one of the places that Rocky might visit first if he's looking for information as you say he is, also it's a nice place for it's quality and service they tend to lower the prices for Zebulos soldiers who recently been in a fight after the Devotindos started invading, a small boon to those who face such devastating power." With that said Laszlo opened the door to the place and walked into to see two men and a woman at a bar getting smashed, he'd have to talk to them later as he looked around the interior before spotting the person he came to see followed by Ranma and Kiki.

"Rocky, it's good to see you in these troubling times, though you look really down guess you heard about your home town." Rocky was kind of looking down sitting in the corner nursing a non alcoholic drink all alone and looking miserable, he suddenly brightened up and looked incredibly happy as he stood up and gave Laszlo a quick salute.

"Captain Quicksilver! Am I ever glad to see you, your people told me the news about the frost bitten falls… but I didn't know you were here sir, what's the situation?" Rocky seemed to lose any sign of being sad he'd showed a minute ago and now he was all peppy and happy.

"Quicksilver?" The query came from both Ranma and Kiki at the same time, they decided to take a seat at the table with Rocky and talk about the goings on.

"Ah yes I might have forgotten to mention that some of my associates and the people I know well enough call me Captain Quicksilver for my brave and daring tactics in a fight, I happen to command some of the best flying squirrel forces in the Zebulos kingdom, but at the moment I'm out here to protect this village and despite my diminutive nature I'm someone to look up to I guess." This got a laugh from the three at the bar who raised their glasses while mumbling about Laszlo.

"Sorry sir we would have invited you, but we know you dislike drinking and considering what happened at frost bitten falls we… well we never failed you before and it's hitting us rather hard, hey who's the handsome looking guy." It was the purple eyed female possum at five feet tall, she wore a sword at her hip and had long blond hair that was braided down her back she was wearing a light green armor that covered her upper torso and shoulders with a white flowing cloth coming out from beneath it, she had tan skin with minor scarring here and there showing she's been in a fight before.

"Quite understandable Cass you did your best along with Trint and Werril, you should get some rest fore we set out on the morrow to build this village's militia so far I'm not having any luck on my own and it's only a matter of time before this village is attacked I doubt the five of us could hold off a large scale attack as we're no Rocket Knights and we have fallen on hard times." Laszlo sadly shook his head from side to side ignoring her question about Ranma, as the named Cass nodded in acceptance before going back to her drink.

"Sir I don't care if we're not the Rocket Knights, we've still got to do the best we can even if we're undermanned, speaking of which you might want to cut her off after she finishes that she's had a bit much and we don't want her to get hurt or for her to hurt anybody else in a drunken stupor." One of the other two sitting at the bar were both flying squirrels one red and one brown both of three feet in height and scrawny looking, the red one that just spoke was Werril, they both were wearing simple grey clothes very much like Laszlo's white clothing, Werril didn't seem to have a weapon on him and Trint was armed with a short dagger for someone of a bigger size despite him being of small stature.

"Oh and I guess you two have had as much, you guys need to heed your own words and cut off or else you may make fools of yourselves." When Kiki decided to speak up, both Trint and Werril's faces flushed and they hung their heads with a sigh.

"Um can we get back to the fact that you think this village is going to be under attack." Ranma said as he and Kiki were mildly getting irritated with being ignored.

"Attacked! Captain you'd never let that happen would you?" Rocky's deep worrisome stare and question pierced Laszlo's heart as he gave a heaving sigh.

"I was at frost bitten falls when it fell, I tried my best lad but it certainly wasn't good enough our forces were spread to thin and with the pig's new war machines we're currently being pushed back into our own territories and that's why these villagers are so jumpy they don't want to be pushed out of their homes, but they also don't want to fight being that they are peaceful folk. On the good news I'm pretty sure your best friend is still alive he's too stubborn to know the meaning of quit." Laszlo stated before a vixen in two ways came up and asked if they needed anything while sending a wink Ranma and Laszlo's way, Laszlo just said tea and biscuits, Rocky ordered some non sentient fish, Ranma asked what kind of food they got and Kiki wanted some of the fresh banana fruit salad that Zebulos was known for.

"I don't doubt he's still alive he hardly knows the meaning of anything beyond wishful thinking and friendship, that and he's so strong that even if you were to make him drink the deadliest poison alive he'd survive it without noticing and ask if you have any more." Rocky said with a bland bit of dark humor that caused Laszlo to chuckle up a storm.

"Um isn't that a bit of exaggeration my father has made me drink poison before without telling me and I'll tell you it wasn't a pleasant experience to know that he was trying to build up my immunity system." Ranma muttered getting a horrified look from Laszlo.

"I can tell he's not joking, after what I heard about his and that crazy girl Kazooie's life stories I wouldn't doubt anything horrible that his father might have done as he has the mental scarring to prove it, also if you see anybody of a feline species keep them away from Ranma." Rocky probably learned something new ever day, but he didn't need to learn how far a person could be pushed before they downright snapped and he was kind of glad Ranma didn't as he was a lot nicer then Kazooie who if her stories were right has been through more physical abuse then mental and she seemed to already be mental to begin with to Rocky.

"Kazooie that's an interesting name, what she like and I assume she's with both Ranma and Kiki as the help you went looking for." Laszlo commented, suddenly striking a small bell in both Kiki's and Ranma's mind that they haven't seen Kazooie after she flew off and she's been gone a while.

"Well sir she's snarky and to put it quite short a very loud bird; she has red feathers with yellow tips, her beak can rip through solid metal I think, her talons can do the same thing if how strong her legs are give any indication at running at top speed while carrying Ranma on her back, she has these weird abilities you wouldn't believe and in fact if she isn't causing trouble somewhere right now then I'm a chipmunk." Rocky said while crossing his arms, he's spent enough time around Kazooie to quickly understand her personality.

"She sounds like a lovely lady; I might like meeting her then." The got Laszlo three awkward stares from the others at the table as if it was something he said.

"Captain I think I know why they say love is for the birds when you're involved." Rocky sighed with contempt at the captain every other squirrel looked up to in a slightly downward angle.

"So things might have not gone all that well with Contessa, though we're still talking to each other even if it's in a slightly rough manner." Laszlo said lightly, with a smile on his face.

"Captain you keep trying to kill each other, I wouldn't call that rough." Rocky deadpanned sure he had a small hero worship for Laszlo 'quicksilver' Chardas, but he still favored the Rocket Knights even if some of the flying squirrel units including his was under the indirect command of said captain.

"I take it you have relationship issues? Also who is this Contessa?" Kiki asked idly intrigued.

"No I don't think we have issues, she's a flightless falconess and I find all her beauty is rather entrancing especially the way she ruffles her brown feathers when she's angry, especially at me." Laszlo gave off a lovesick vibe while Rocky gave an ample sigh of disappointment about his captain.

"Why would she be angry at you?" It was a good question as Ranma wasn't known for his relationship abilities and he'd have to learn sooner or later for when he finally got back to a relatively human life with a 'human' girl as he didn't consider for one instance of being with a different species outside his natural own and that was a given all things considered he can't forget he was now a bear and coming to terms with it.

"Oh that it's nothing, she just can't handle that she's better then me that's all." This caused a bit of confusion between Ranma and Kiki to erupt, until Rocky clarified it for them.

"Laszlo is a master fencer, so the Contessa believes she beats him almost too easily despite his renowned skill and constantly tries to get him to beat her into submission and he just doesn't have the heart to do it. Also anyone who picks on Laszlo usually gets a visit from Contessa not to long afterwards, even if Laszlo is not hurt or even sullied by such encounters she's kind of oddly possessive." Rocky wasn't an experienced fighter yet, but the people he knew were including his best friend, though he hasn't seen what his friend was like in the middle of a raging battle, but he assumed it would look entirely comically outlandish instead of brave and awe inspiring.

They continued to discuss interesting topics as they ate their food that was brought to the table and Laszlo told Rocky a few important bits of information he really needed to know like where he was placed as his unit was currently gone or in a very bad fix, what he was going to do and what he needed of Rocky, there was the importance of building a militia in town and getting back to defending the castle as soon as possible mentioned as well.

Ranma had sat silently wondering when Kazooie would make a grand appearance to probably insult everyone in the room and then continue to interrupt the conversion just to make her thoughts known, though all this stuff was interesting he seriously didn't want to end up in a war, but with all the innocent and rather helpless people around here he might as well join the effort in his own way, he wouldn't be a killer and he would defend the weak without killing even if it meant his life.

"Uh Ki I don't know about you but I think Kazooie might be…" The door to the Sally's opened with a loud thud and everybody turned to the entrance to see what looked like a seriously mangled corpse limp into the establishment, it looked around spotted what it came here for, it grabbed a chair then dragged it over to the groups table and sat down.

"Don't say a word; I'm reveling in my first foray into feeling true pain and I'm guessing since there's a bigger group here I've missed something important like who the pompous looking guy is and the fact that I haven't seen this many squirrels since Conker got drunk and overly lucky in the same night, that poor guy the makers just had to ruin his life." They all stared at the mangled person in distress as she still had a dagger sticking out of her back and it looked to be in there pretty deep.

"Um you do realize there's a…" Ranma tried to say as he was well aware of how much being stabbed with a katana was like in his hand to weapon defense classes, his father was more of a pure asshole in his mind for it.

"Yes Meathead I'm well aware there's a knife in my back…" Kazooie looked horrible one bad leg bent at an awkward angle, a large bruise on the side of her neck, bleeding cuts and burns across her body and wings, the knife in the back was not helping at all and she had a swollen shut shiner for a right eye.

"You didn't do her enough justice Rocky, she's quite a charming lady and she's highly optimistic, I like her already and you say she has the ability to convince the ninja monkeys to support us in our time of need as a reserve force?" Laszlo took a liking to Kazooie almost immediately baffling the crap out of everyone there including Kazooie.

End chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: If my story doesn't get more pointlessly inane, we are not trying hard enough to write nothing much at all but an intriguingly boring story; eventually we'll try to fixate more attention on Ranma.

Summary: Kazooie starts predicting how thing will go, but is she right?

Chapter 8: The coming… cliché.

**Sally's food service and Inn.**

They were all sitting there still staring at the knife sticking out of Kazooie's back nearly having punctured her backpack in the process of having been impaled there, if that wasn't the only thing wrong with the picture it was her injured body that gave them all a bout of silence.

"What? I'm not going to die anytime soon if that's what you're thinking and this isn't as bad as that drunken hag of a possum over there looks." That got an indignant yell from Cass; who as we know wasn't ugly it was just all the armor hiding her figure, she promptly stood up and then fell forward unconscious before being caught by her two shorter friends who proceeded to drag her to a secure resting place.

Kazooie gave a snort and then reached up with her right wing to the left side of her back where the knife was and jerked it out sending splotches of red smattering across the table; she put it down then pulled out rag and put pressure on the wound in her back, being a videogame character you didn't necessarily feel anything close to real pain like this and it was a new experience for her.

Ranma and Kiki got up to make sure Kazooie wouldn't hurt herself any further, but she brushed them off simply and asked for the news so far, having been told everything while she kept her worst wound covered, she gave a chortle of amusement when they finished while staring at the blood stained cloth.

"If they attack with what they have left I doubt those ugly multi-chinned porkers would last to long after I've made a spontaneously quick recovery, especially not after that ambush." There was the insufferable smirk across Kazooie's beak; she certainly looked to be waiting for something, but something seemed off about her bravado.

"Excuse me for asking milady, but am I to ascertain that those scoundrels ambushed a lovely vision such as you?" The look Laszlo received was quite a deadly one at that, like Kazooie was about to ram a grenade egg up where the sun doesn't shine, incidentally the Easter Egg Party that was always thrown by Banjo was Kazooie's favorite time of year

"Who said anything about them ambushing me; I'm the one that ambushed them Lazy Slow Charred Ass… not to mention I insulted all of them a few times and might have commented that they were all probably dropped on their heads collectively at the same time when they were younger." Laszlo didn't seem to be fazed by Kazooie's beak in the slightest, but this had him looking slightly perplexed.

"How many in number did you fight, it mustn't have been much if the outcome is you coming out in a near perfect health." Ranma and Kiki were both looking at Laszlo in an odd manner while two large drops of sweat formed on the back of their heads; Rocky himself wasn't quite sure what to think of his captain at the moment for trying to write off what looked like really painful injuries.

"Let's see, they had four wheeled vehicles, pig nosed ostrich looking machines with flamethrowers, small bomb launching tanks or mobile half circle vehicles with the long cylindrical cannons to you country bumpkins, what I assume to be the incredibly cheap living shields of pure flab for what would pass as soldiers and one machine in what I could only describe as tall and ugly with arms ending in oversized spike maces." As Kazooie counted off the things that she had beaten or destroyed everyone that was eating stopped to stare at her when she mentioned the last thing.

"Kazooie don't you think I could have helped you with that? Also why don't you let us help you with your injuries? It doesn't seem like your going anywhere for a while and I've seen what injuries like that can do to someone if it's not taken care of." Far be it for Ranma not to be worried, Kazooie his first true real albeit insane friend was pretty roughed up.

"Yeah well let me just tell you, it started out with me scrounging for worms as lunch and I had seen something really interesting that caught my attention, something that had to do with those slabs of bacon, my small bout of psychotic rage and blowing down a good bit of their forces that were coming in this direction anyway. But don't get me wrong they could still cause trouble as I didn't wipe them out and one word Meathead… backpack." Kazooie had a rather sad look on her beak after what had once been a proud smirk of accomplishment, her new somber attitude really kind of made Ranma worried she might have lost her spontaneity.

"If there are stragglers as you say we'll still need a militia and my squirrel soldiers to be able to handle them lady Kazooie, while you help bolster the defenses of our castle if you are as beautiful as you are tough, then things can't be that bad, but don't get me wrong I'll still prefer Contessa any day. I'm to assume your friends are also adept warriors?" Laszlo must have liked talking to female birds that were violent, because he didn't seem to be dropping his praising way of Kazooie's poorly termed beauty.

Kazooie looked like she got hit with a wrecking ball and lived, which wasn't all far from the truth as she has been hit by things of that size before, just not in a reality where injuries actually mattered and this time getting hit with a wrecking ball like object seriously hurt. She is used to large amounts of blunt force and was just lucky that the spiked parts of the maces were comically ineffective at dealing any damage to small targets, they were more likely meant for puncturing and destroying large buildings.

"Oh I'm sure we're adept alright especially Meathead here, however I want Hammerhead here to set out for some reinforcements to join me in a 'relief effort' if you will and we'll need someone who knows the way to the castle in which I assume there is a fair princess that is quite beautiful there, so we're going to need a guide, your choice Suck-up and I have to wonder why do you have a flightless female opossum in the middle of a unit for flying squirrels unless your even more blind then I already think you are." For some odd reason Ranma's face turned straight red when Kazooie referenced him as to being adept.

Nope no loss in spontaneity was Ranma's first thought while he looked entirely flustered with Kazooie's dirty humor, which caused her to smile nastily at him and the way she termed relief effort sounded more severe then it should ever be meant to.

"Of course, I'll lend you Cass since you mentioned it, she needs some time to regroup and making friends could help in the endeavor, but how did you know of the princess and that she is fair on the eyes? No matter, she is with the unit because we fly her in and out of battles and she has proven to be a knight of great skill being able to use any weapon for someone of her stature, she even has greater skill as a battle field medic though she doesn't like the healing arts all too much." Laszlo saw the large amount of doubt edged into Kazooie's beak as she stared him straight in the eyes, she was going to say something in particular that would have been a scathing remark but she turned to the proprietor of the place instead.

"Hey waitress can I get some honey covered bird seed here; also I'd like a glass of water." Kazooie hadn't had anything much to eat before launching a rather devastating attack on the Devotindos Empires rather large group of forces.

"Oh my gosh are you okay? You look absolutely horrible. Also I'm afraid we don't have any honey, but we do have such a recipe just so you know." The vixen looked in surprise as the rather damaged bird pulled out a jar filled to the brim with honey all one hundred percent pure (as if people didn't know why she has honey in her backpack), the fox waitress took the jar while looking at Kazooie.

"I'm perfectly fine and keep the honey, I just want something gut heavy right now and I'm going to need the energy for ripping an empire up just to find what I'm looking for." It seemed like the Devotindos Empire somehow earned the destructive birds ire, Ranma decided he needed a chat with Kazooie to see what was wrong with her as if her disheveled state and apparent recent emotional issues didn't prove that something was up.

"Milady of the burning feathers could you describe that last machine again in more detail, I've only heard it is given to those of the highest rank in Devotindos… and I sorely lack the peoplepower if you will to take one of those blasted things down and I wonder how you achieved such a miraculous feat, if you even did." Laszlo was the ever curious guy if you could get past his rather attentive nature for avian species; of he brought up the issue with the fact that squirrels had very little in the way of brute strength to begin with.

"Pig shaped head with tusk and a red visor with the controls on the top, huge cylindrical body like these drinking glasses, two giant spike maces ending from segmented highly armored arms and similar legs ending in giant rectangular feet… I'm surprised I even managed to rip the entire thing in half; the thing was definitely boss material, now if only I took the time to find a weakness I would have gladly focused on that in my ambush." This caused the two squirrels who were listening as they walked back to gasp in surprise as Kazooie carefully crossed her wings with the hint of a smirk forming on her face, but apparently the fun loving side of the smirk was gone and all that was left was a calculating mind one that was currently thinking of pork chops on a grill.

"Those things have a weakness? If they do then it certainly isn't noticeable from the front…" When Trint said this Kazooie's snapped her head in his direction causing him to get slightly spooked and jump back.

"Then that's where the weakness is; they probably have less armor in the back and can be easily destroyed from the inside out as well not to mention you could grab another machine of the same make and use it to beat the first but that'd require knowledge on how to drive one, the weakness is always in the place you won't be able get around to easily or there are several points that require disabling of some kind to make it useless, oh and I've a hunch that the princess is going to be kidnapped." When Kazooie said that she got odd stares from everyone at the table, prompting Rocky to ask a question that would seal the deal for Kazooie as if she knew where this was going.

"Why would they want to capture the Princess, why not the king?" After Rocky had asked Kazooie blanched and all the seriousness left her face as she began to laugh hysterically, causing them to think she had lost her mind.

"Oh just you wait, there has to be some kind of reason for them to capture the princess of this kingdom and considering I know all the cliché's to the situation so let me spell it out for you, one the princess can be used to hold the kingdom ransom for her ensured safety or otherwise form of compensation as she is someone everyone comes loves in a way, two she's probably the next in line for the throne so it doesn't take a genius to figure that out all things considered for who you guys are fighting, three if the first two options don't count she has some kind of magical artifact, ability or otherwise unknown importance that the empire would like to take away from Zebulos for not only that reason but to drop the overall morale and if those aren't the case then the princess is not a delicate flower and is probably really ugly, enough to make those pigs look horrifyingly beautiful in comparison or enough to scare them away from attacking this kingdom in the first place." That caused all the flying squirrels to suddenly turn pale as it started slowly sinking in to what Kazooie has said, everything rung with truth and it was becoming quite clear to them what was about to happen.

"I for one will apologize to you for what I'm about to say milady and every other lady here as well so if you will please excuse me, AH BLOODY HELL…" Laszlo shouted causing the three other squirrels to look at him in surprise as he never cursed before, it was then that Laszlo said that they were going to get early rest for tomorrow and ushered his three squirrel troops off to sleep while they were asking what was wrong and he stated he'd explain later as they needed to set out early morning tomorrow to prepare the defenses of the village.

"Master has her way with the obvious… if they capture the princess then the kingdoms family line will be stopped, assuming she is the only heir left." It was all Kiki could say at the moment, before Ranma held up his clothes that lay at his side for Kazooie to see and she gave a sigh before stuffing them into her backpack cringing a bit from the pain shooting up her wings as she did this.

"I don't know about you guy's, but I'm a wreck I'll need to get my beauty sleep, after a good meal." When she said this in a quiet tone the waitress set a plate on the table with a ton of seeds on it slathered in a golden honey glaze and a glass of water, she was giving Kazooie a slightly worried look after having noticed that she had bled quite a bit onto the chair she was sitting in, her bleeding had after a while finally managed stemmed itself though she still looked horrible, the only thing about her that was perfectly fine was obviously her beak.

"If you need beauty sleep you'd have to sleep for an entire year to get anywhere remotely to what you're aiming for beaky." Ranma actually caused Kazooie to chuckle merrily and lighten up a bit, she kind of scared him with how odd she was acting; whatever she saw nearly damaged her outward nature. He was happy to hear her laughing trill that didn't seem all that forced at the moment.

"Nice one… Ranma…" Okay, that definitely didn't sound right coming from Kazooie's mouth and Ranma didn't know what to feel at the moment as she just used his name without even a semblance of mocking, Kiki looked as disturbed as Ranma did at that moment.

Kiki and Ranma just quietly watched as she pecked her plate clean at a moderate speed and then took her backpack off, climbed inside of it taking the knife she wiped her own blood off of with her and closed the flap without saying anything else, Ranma stood up and asked if the waitress had a room for three, she always slept in her own backpack which wasn't all that odd considering it's unknown storage capacity and how Kazooie constantly referred to it as her perfectly comfortable mobile home.

**Later that night.**

Kazooie stood there without her backpack on top of the roof of one of the few wooden establishments in the village staring at the stars, her body was completely healed and there wasn't a single scar marring her figure, her emerald eyes shone brightly, her slender neck wasn't bruised and her stretchy legs were strong once more, it was like she'd never ambushed anyone and got beat up quite badly, at least she gave them more then she got in return and then some.

"I wonder why I always end up in these kinds of situations... oh right I open my big beak and go looking for them." Kazooie muttered to herself as she sat down and pulled out the DEM detector; Ranma, Kiki and her own level of importance were normal, she didn't think Ranma was the princess type anyway and the importance of one person can shift things drastically. So that made her wonder who was the daringly handsome overly confident idiot that would be the hero as if she hasn't seen enough scenario's like this usually ending in the princess wanting the hero.

So it was probably going to happen the way she thought it would, with a oh so happy ending that'd make her wretch as the main story tended to ignore all the things happening in the background; like the little people that get stepped on constantly like a bunch of Jinjo's, at least that pompous looking Laszlo had the junk heap that was his mind in order, instead of gallivanting around trying to impress everyone he was getting himself into gear though he was a tad slow about it.

Not all heroes were technically good and usually make horrible leaders; sure heroes did many wonderful things but that didn't instantly give them an instant ability in being an able leader, she took example from having instigated many a boss battle where Banjo had tried the peaceful approach and she promptly blew it out of the water because she just can't keep it to herself when she had a mocking comment about the appearance of the odd creatures they had fought; with things such as a inflatable dinosaur monster that fires exploding volley balls, how could you not have a comment for something like that?

Oh how she wished she could have gotten away with the M rated comments she wanted to use for the inflatable rubber dinosaur known as Patches, but due to video game ratings she couldn't use it, now that she wasn't in her world she could get away with expressing her more vulgar thoughts and was rather relaxed, of course that relaxation came to a sudden halt all too recently.

The only reason she was going to get as involved as she was now was not for the adventure she had planned in the first place, but because something very important that popped up when she ambushed the pigs.

**Flashback to a field.**

Kazooie ran passed a shining object that a pig had dropped in her ambush and picked it up as she went quickly swallowing it before she was hit by a blast of heated air that was the very reason she had to limp back to the village, she already had a knife in her back at this point and she was crying from how painful the injuries were, before sucking it up and moving as fast as she could.

The tank that had nailed Kazooie only got a lucky glancing shot off as the confusion was still going around with the poorly trained soldiers; Kazooie had caused a large mess with her clockwork eggs and then had dove in eggs blazing in a literal sense, this led to mass panic almost instantaneously sending pigs running every which way, this was the reason she was able to escape easily because with so many distractions the tank couldn't get a second shot off.

The aftermath was a bunch of ugly looking bipedal pigs in poorly made green armor laid out all over the ground, some of them were completely missing their shoddily made armor and were left only wearing shorts, a lot of the machines Kazooie had described were destroyed and one in particular was torn into two melted halves which had a pig on it in a much better made red armor, this very pig was the commander of this force and was now busy trying to get some semblance of order from his overly spooked troops, a lot of them were now talking of a evil tongued demon bird that belch's destruction.

**End flashback.**

"Hey Kaz are you okay, you look down about something and… have you been crying…" Ranma walked up behind Kazooie on the roof, she turned her head slightly showing only half her face while crossing her wings and addressed him while keeping her back to him.

"Whatever gave you that idea I'm not some weak female you have to defend, besides I can take care of myself…" Kazooie shuddered as she put her beak to her wings that were wrapped in front of her chest as she stared out into the night sky; she was apparently very lonely to Ranma.

"Mind if I join you… I know you're not weak and I also know you weren't telling the whole story about the ambush and I won't pry about it, but when you're ready you know I'll be there to listen, even if you are the most insufferable bird anyone's ever met." He walked up to Kazooie and she looked up at him and nodded, he sat down next to her but not very close, he noticed some of the wood was wet and he'd been right in his assumption that she had been crying and he wanted to comfort her, but he had no people skills or any understanding of the situation so he decided to do nothing but sit there.

Say what you will but Ranma didn't like it when anyone cried, he also learned about what the term 'crocodile tears' meant from Kazooie and he knew she didn't shed those at all, even in jest as she was too spunky for that and Kiki gave him a good reason as to why the term should be important to him as Kiki didn't want anyone taking advantage of him.

In the awkward silence Kazooie started to preen herself as they stared at the stars and Ranma just sat there contemplating if there was life out there and decided to strike up a conversation on the subject.

"Hey Beaky, do you know what it's like out there among the stars." Kazooie stopped messing with her feathers to turn to Ranma, giving him a wondering look and a raised eye.

"Yep, it's a menagerie of infinite possibilities where anything can happen… and then there's the occasional plot hole that ruins some people's lives…" Ranma blinked once or twice not getting what Kazooie meant about the second comment that was spoken in a deadpanned tone and even commented about it; this caused her to mutter softly under her breath 'damn fourth wall deniability'.

"I guess I need to do something more in life then martial arts training and star gazing huh… do you have any hobbies other then adventuring and blowing stuff up?" Ranma was lightly curious; maybe he could find something he'd like to do if he asked Kiki later.

"I have quite a few hobbies and one of them is the most dreaded hobby of anyone, it requires patience and a lot of time… it has been done for centuries and it has yet to stop… it is the hobby of collecting stuff and I'd rather not get stuck doing something like that again, however your not getting me to divulge my much more liked hobbies… Meathead." This caused Ranma to give a genuine smile; Kazooie gave him a sour look at that wondering what he was smiling about.

"So…." Ranma said not knowing what to say now; he had nothing else to say so he decided to be quiet as he stared into the starry sky wondering that whatever was happening to his father at the moment was probably not a horrible enough punishment, but if he never knew his father he wouldn't be looking into a foreign sky right now sitting next to a girl that broke his old forced ingrained ideals to bits, now he could see the world with a slightly better clarity instead of stumbling through it blindly and halfcocked like his father probably wanted him to do. He hated his stupid pops.

"Yeah… you got nothing…" It was all Kazooie could say, as she went back to looking at the stars with a somber attitude that was not befitting her wild nature.

Ranma hoped that what Kazooie was going through would be temporary, she seemed too sad to be that jerk of a bird he befriended, he silently got up after a few minutes of silence and decided to go get some sleep leaving the bird alone on the roof.

Kazooie watched him walk off before upchucking the shining object she had picked up in the ambush and stared at it for a few minutes… before swallowing it again and going to her backpack, she'd attempt to stop the cliché if it killed her and she wouldn't care if she died doing it either. She'd also break Devotindos apart if what she's thinking is to be true.

**Early morning before the sun rises.**

Kiki yawned and stretched as she walked down the stairs into the dining area of the establishment and then gawked when Kazooie waved her over to a table, no one should have been up this early; then again no one else had a magical backpack that could give you a full nights rest and heal all your wounds in seconds, but that's if only you knew what you were doing with the backpack and can understand how the save yourself function worked.

It was an oddity of the backpack that was the 'save yourself function', it only worked if you literally saved yourself by dragging your body into the backpack and activating the function but you had to be in the know to do it and this is the reason it wouldn't work on the triceratops Banjo needed to heal to get the dreaded collectable of an object known as a jiggy which they collected by doing a bunch of weird inane stuff just to continue their adventures.

Kiki sat down when Kazooie motioned her to and then left her sitting there for a few moments, before Kazooie came back with a load of pancakes covered in honey in two different stacks, she was also noticeably wearing a chefs hat and it made her look cute, but try to say that to her face and live through the next few seconds afterwards.

"Master why…" Kazooie put her wing over Kiki's mouth, before slowly taking it off while giving her a thousand yard stare.

"I wanted to give you an incentive for getting back here with reinforcements faster then the last battle where you'd show up to save the day at the last moment; also we needed to talk about this entire master thing…" This caused Kiki to look at Kazooie with a bit of confusion, before she took a taste of the pancakes at Kazooie's motioning the flavor was sweet and rather addicting with a contrast of blandness and a hint of several kinds of nuts being used, sure Rocky might be mad once he found out what happened to his supplies later but who could deny this kind of taste.

"Just like Banjo used to make judging by the look on your masked face, it took me forever to get the recipe out of him and you'll never get it from me even through torture." This caused Kiki to give her an appalled look for even suggesting she'd torture her master; she took a second bite of the pancakes, on second thought she just might if her master ever forgot how to make them.

"I know you don't like me calling you master; master, but I've come to respect your expansive knowledge of any situation and if you say the princess is to be kidnapped, that I may return at the right moment just to steal the glory and that I don't care what happens to my two best friends, then obviously you don't know how far I'm willing to go for you master." Kiki had a rather inexhaustible loyalty where it probably wasn't due given who she took as a master who was about as far away from a traditional master as she could have gotten.

"Tell me how long do you think it would take to move over at least a thousand monkeys this far… the princess will be kidnapped by whoever; I don't care, I'm just going to be there to stop it from happening and I don't even know the bratty girl I'm attempting to save and finally I know you do care or else you wouldn't have followed me around this far despite my incessant attitude towards you… also if you don't get back fast enough I might never make those pancake again and we wouldn't want that now would we?" Kiki giggled a bit at Kazooie's attempt at a rather odd threat, before she took on an air of seriousness.

"Master you seemed… upset earlier, are you truly going to be fine without my supervision?" Kiki asked giving Kazooie a moment to look thoughtful as she dug into her own stack of pancakes finishing them at a rapid pace that would make Ranma's head spin that his eating habits weren't as horrible as hers, she even went about licking away any bits of honey that got stuck to her feathers.

"I wasn't aware you had better eyes then a hawk Whackwit…" It led to Kiki giving Kazooie a simple smile, which turned to interest as Kazooie started rummaging through her blue pack and Ranma walked in yawning and stretching before blinking as he watched Kazooie pulled a backpack out of her backpack, this one was a simple green one and it wasn't magically empowered like Kazooie's.

"Isn't that kind of… I don't know… odd… that you have another backpack in there?" Ranma saw Kazooie give him a dire look that said she was seriously not in the mood for joking now as her spontaneous bit of humor passed.

"You wouldn't believe half the stuff in here that could be useful at any given moment like right now, since Kiki will be traveling back to the valley of nudist animals sans the fact that all the ninja monkeys actually wear clothes, so the fact is she's going to need something to carry her clothes in so yeah I have more then one backpack Meathead going to make something of it?" Ranma was taken aback by Kazooie's tone and so was Kiki but she didn't show it, Kazooie didn't usually snap at anyone like this given the amount of time they had traveling together Kazooie might come off as slightly evil given what happened in the valley, but this was something else.

"Okay; sorry beaks, what got your tail feathers in a twist." From what Ranma could see it was something big and Kazooie looked a little to put off to give the information out, she just walked off muttering for him to take a seat and for Kiki to set off.

"Please make sure that master is alright, she seems to be troubled by upcoming events as if she were seeing the future or as I think predicting it. Stay safe Ranma-san." With that Kiki threw down a smoke bomb and disappeared in the middle of the large empty room full of tables and booths with only two ways out that were clearly visible, she was just that good a ninja.

"That's still a cool trick…" Ranma said to what would have been an empty room, if a short figure didn't walk up behind him.

"What's a cool trick Ranma?" This caused Ranma to jump as he wasn't easy to sneak up on and yet he had been by the unlikeliest of people.

"Gah… Don't do that Rocky, it's a wonder you're the bigger out of all the squirrels yet you're the least noticeable, by the way why are you up early I can understand Kiki's need to get up and maybe even Kazooie with the entire early bird thing, but why you." Ranma said while he looked to Rocky in a questioning glance.

"Captain said we needed to get up early this morning to perform some sabotage routines, I guess we're going to lay down some traps for anyone that crazy bird didn't blow up that will be coming this way. He seemed rather adamant about getting back to the castle, if what Kazooie said is true then the captain must really want to protect the princess though other then breaking our morale and lineage I don't see why they'd want to capture her it might only spurn the Zebulos army to fight harder." This was when Laszlo himself glided into the room to hear the last bit of what Rocky had said.

"Well if you must know the ever enchantingly interesting Kazooie was slightly right about the reason Princess Sherry is a likely target for kidnapping... we may need to take down the traitor of the rocket knights if he shows up and I have a hunch who it might be." Now entering the room were Trint, Werril and Cass all looking tired and restless, but were they ready for action? Cass seemed the most awake since she passed out early yesterday though she was suffering from a mild hangover.

"Okay we need to be a little more in the loop flaming pants, oh and breakfast is on…." Everyone; but Ranma that is, got the same kind of honey covered pancakes and Kazooie gave Ranma a plate with fried eggs and a large hash brown while setting down a bottle of ketchup next to it giving him a very distinct look that screamed innocence when there was none to be found.

"I'm probably not going to eat eggs after this ever again am I?" Ranma said with a deadpanned tone, as long as some of what made Kazooie herself was still there he'd be her friend, even if she just recently snapped at him or just gave him an odd breakfast, those pancakes were calling to him but the others at the table didn't look like they wanted to share what was on their plates.

Ranma at least recognized the fact that the eggs were from a regular chicken and not Kazooie, that would have been weirder then he was willing to deal with… wait a minute, how did Kazooie know how to prepare eggs for breakfast in the first place? Ranma's face suddenly took on a very comical look at that.

It was better to not have questioned it.

End chapter.

Sir note: No eggs that would have given birth to chickens were harmed in the making of this fan fiction, taking into consideration that the eggs have to be fertilized first for anything to exist inside them. I would like to put in that the thing that would be a chicken came before the egg as reproductive systems would have to eventually come about to generate the egg in the first place. Also it is to note that Mousse has used exploding eggs before, from a magical chicken we can not be held responsible for those eggs if in fact they would have given birth to chickens.

Trio note: I still say the egg came first dude.

Primell note: My species can asexually reproduce, give birth and lay eggs… wow so it was probably the Metroid that came first, we are the ultimate warriors you know.

Trio note: We don't work with Primell, she just shows up at random times and Darkon floats for the hills to get away from her, so ignore her dude.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: we have no problems with making situations more outlandish then anyone could have predicted, though we technically will never be sued since we're near penniless hippies to even own an evil base of power and torment… yeah who are we trying to kid, we're an evil organization that writes fan fictions on it's off days.

Summary: What's blue and creates a thunderous sound?

Chapter 9: The thunder is blue?

**Top of a cliff.**

"Ranma, would you please tell that moping rat with wings to shut...." Cass stated in an angry tone as she walked to the edge of the cliff, before stopping and her eyes widened.

"I'd try, but… whoa…" Ranma starred out at the large beautiful lake as it surrounded the castle on all sides except for the large strip of land leading straight up to its entrance, of course this wasn't what he noticed it was the fact that the castle was on fire and what he assumed to be parts of the Zebulos army were running around trying to put the fires out on the castle walls, while the rest defended the entrance.

"I guess we're late for the party, oh joy… and your one to talk about rats being a relative to them and all, if I were related to you I'd be puking every other night in symphony." Kazooie was being rather dour and speaking in a low tone as she watched the castle in the distance was under assault by waves of pig soldiers while waiting patiently behind them were a few groups of walker machines, along with a few pig-mecha and their dangerously large mace fist, apparently waiting for something.

"Of course I don't think that Devotindos army is the biggest problem at the moment, finally things are looking up around here and it might be heating up a bit too much as well." Perking up a bit Kazooie watched as the castle got bombarded with incendiary devices.

"What are you talking about of course the Devotindos army is the biggest problem you daft bird." Cass turned an angry glare in Kazooie's direction, though she noticed the unusual change in the bird's demeanor where she had been all sad and depressed throughout their traveling to this point after breakfast towards the front entrance of the castle, Kazooie now seemed spurned into taking initiative.

"Um… you might want to look at what Beaky is looking at…" Ranma said slowly looking in a upwards direction, Cass liked Ranma a bit already for being a person who kept in fit shape and was generally overly innocent in nature, Cass turned and looked upwards and paled considerably, and she thought that Ranma having a friend like Kazooie was bad.

"The… the Pig Boarone, ever since they've managed to build that blasted flying machine…" The statement was left unfinished by Cass having said it in a worried tone; slowly she unsheathed her sword and pulled out a small circular blue buckler, preparing to enter the fray, but was stopped by a paw on her shoulder.

Yes, it wasn't hard to notice a flying airship with a pig nose on it and large vertical propeller blades that reminded Kazooie of something she's seen previously.

At least Zebulos soldiers seemed more trained or better equipped, however they were too busy with the pigs and fire to put up any viable defense against airborne threats and realistically the archers on the castle walls most certainly wouldn't have put a dent in the airship.

"Looks like the 'Iron Vulture', but it's not exactly built as a carrier for airplanes, I wonder how technology could have jumped in this part of the world." While she was busy mumbling under her breathe Kazooie hadn't noticed anything else for the moment as she was thinking about how to best go about approaching the castle to help out.

Ranma was busy watching as the airship flew over the lake and released a large snake like object that fell into the water in the lake, it released a second object on the ground near the pigs waiting machines which was a armored scorpion like machine, the next monstrously large machine it released was a large spider like machine on top of the castle itself and finally it released a huge swarm of pig balloons with strange mechanical devices attached to them as it hovered around in a lazy circle above the castle.

"So Kazooie… what are we going to do?" It seemed to him that they were obviously outgunned, but his tone was of mere curiosity as he almost never loses and wasn't willing to admit a loss; not that he can't deny having lost to Kazooie already in the intelligence department, he'd still have to move soon on his own even if Kazooie didn't come up with a brilliant idea. He wasn't going to stand by and watch these people suffer.

Oddly enough Cass was waiting for Kazooie's opinion as well even if she hated the bird as much or even more then Ranma did, but she could at least tolerate any ally even if that ally was annoying.

**Back in the previous unnamed village.**

"Hokey smoke! There sure are a lot of them." Rocky reloaded his cross bow and fire a bolt right into the leg joint of an ostrich-legged pig machine known as a walker causing it to topple in the path of two other quickly running walkers causing them to go up in a large explosion when they slammed face first into the ground.

"Hold steady lad, we have to route this force if we are to get to the castle and help in its defenses, remember that it's not only the number of soldiers that wins a battle." Laszlo said while blocking a sword slash from a pig and then went on ram his rapier straight up the front of the pigs' armor and with a flourish he masterfully disarmed the pig of its weapon and armor at the same time in one pull of his sword.

In the meantime while they were defending the front of the village with a few volunteers who wanted to help fight off an invading force, Trint and Werril were busy trying to evacuate those who couldn't or wouldn't fight, they were also trying to keep the damage in the village to a minimum by putting out fires and dropping simplistic explosives on the pig machines that make it past the villages militia.

It was around this time that a figure having seen the smoke from the burning village arrived in a loud thunderous noise that was familiar to the people evacuating as he blasted into the scene ramming through a group pig soldiers trying to terrorize the evacuees, the sword he wielded had a rapier like guard but it was akin to a short broadsword where the blade was concerned.

When the figure came to a stop to survey the problem at hand is when he became clearly visible, it was a blue and bronze armor wearing possum under five feet in height, he was quite young looking and he was wearing an armored flight cap with goggles where his long ears were sticking out, the most notable thing about him was that on his back was two large cylinders that made up a rocket pack underneath which was a agitated wiggling tail.

He gave a frown and set off into the village and quickly charged his rocket pack with his own energy as he ran forward, then leaping high into the air he released the built up amount all at once which roared like the sound of thunder as he came down sword first at a forty-five degree angle in a blue blur with gouts of flame coming out of his back as he rammed into a four wheeled self propelled pig cart and smashed it to bits sending the pig soldiers riding in it flying into the air, while the figure himself walked out of the smoke of the destroyed wreckage like the impact did nothing to him.

In the background watching this Rocky gave a startled yelp of amazement, causing Laszlo to look in his direction while he was still effortlessly fending off three pigs wildly swinging their slightly curved scimitar like swords at him with reckless abandon, needless to say they weren't doing much against the short captain despite all the bravado and brute strength, the pigs would be laughed at later for losing to someone barely half their given sizes and the fact that he wasn't even looking at them as he parried their swords would make them even worse laughing stocks.

"Looks like not all the rocket knights are missing, so not all is lost… I just hope thunder pants will do a good job." Laszlo dodged around the two pigs as the third one knocked both of them out accidentally; he leapt up onto the third pig and lifted its bowl shaped helmet with a single small spike up before smashing it down over the pigs head causing it to fall to the ground unconscious.

"Thunder pants, captain?" It was the questioning look from Rocky that got Laszlo to tell him some information in the middle of heated battle no less, Rocky took aim and fired off another bolt; while he was reloading he listened to Laszlo.

"That Rocky was a kid that wanted to become one of the rocket knights, his name is Sparkster but don't let his calm demeanor fool you… he's a novice in wielding a sword and was probably trying to show a tough exterior, his only saving grace in that area is the fact that he can use the swirling slash beam and that's just about all he does with the sword other then give anyone he hits with it a lot of damage up close and personal, otherwise he's the youngest person to master using the rocket pack and as for hand to hand skills he's got nothing at all. So take into account that he's fighting at a very limited potential of what a rocket knight should truly be capable of. Also we called him thunder pants because he earned the title 'Blue Thundering Knight' when he got struck by a bolt of lightning once and lived; he was wearing armor at the time so he should have died he's a lucky one I'd say, oh and you should know that technically he's not really a official rocket knight yet which would explain why he's still around when all the other rocket knights started going missing." At the same time he was telling Rocky about the youth he had met a long while ago, he had already brought down a walker and seven more pigs, the flow of attackers was stemmed after Sparkster had blown through them like a water molecule tossed into the sun.

"Where's he going though, isn't the castle that way?" Rocky said pointing off in the distance at the castle where a giant spider robot stood on top of it along with gouts of smoke coming from the stone bastion, also the Pig Boarone was behind a patch of clouds going completely unnoticed.

"My guess is he's going to come in from a different way then the front gate that is likely crawling with Devotindos soldiers, so he's probably going towards the waterfall to come in from behind the castle using his rocket pack, speaking of which lets hurry up and clean up the area, as we're obviously needed elsewhere." It seemed logical to Laszlo as the pigs had very little in the way of offensive water based technologies, which is unless they thought of something new recently.

**Approaching the rear end of the pig forces.**

"I can't believe you seriously talked me into coming with you two, you're both blooming crazy." Cass muttered as they snuck up behind the rest of the ground forces from the Devotindos Empire as they started moving forward with the robotic scorpion obviously calling the shots as it was surrounded by a team of pig-mech escorts.

"Would you want to be on the other side of those marching machines or that large scorpion thing perhaps? Anything to add to that statement Kazooie or was it enough?" It was then that Ranma had actually thought ahead of Kazooie in terms of issuing the ideas of common sense.

"Well you could have a more mocking tone, yours was entirely sarcasm laced and I would personally go for a more direct insult to Drinky's personality, but I think you nailed the answer for her on the head. Besides we need to worry about bringing down the pig bots, by enacting my stupid cunning plan." It was another ignored angry death glare in her direction from Cass; Kazooie didn't bother with noticing it as she had thought of several ways to bring down the titanic ham bots, then the obviously tougher scorpion they were guarding.

"I still say you twats are asking for an early grave, I may love to fight up close and personal but I don't want to be on the end of one of those things again." Kazooie motioned for Cass to stop talking as they came up on a small gaggle of pigs protecting the rear end of the pig-mechs that were guarding the giant metal scorpion.

"I don't know about this Kazooie they seem to be somewhat more intelligent then your giving them credit for; also I'd like to point out that even if this does work it'll be completely ridiculous that it ever did." Ranma was being rather sardonic about it, but with what Kazooie had planned it wasn't likely going to work, so after it fell through he'd go in fist and feet flying, of course he could be wrong and it would work but then that would make his life to easy.

Silently Cass and Ranma snuck up on two of the pigs and knocked them out while making sure their act went unnoticed; they quickly dragged the two pig soldiers away behind a rock where anyone who bothered would have noticed two people stripping Devotindos soldiers of their armor.

"You do realize you can look if you want to." Cass stated from behind the rock, out of view of the audience.

"I'm not a pervert, so I'm not about to." There was a bit of shuffling after that was said, a few moments later it was followed by a loud sounding crash, thankfully the Devotindos ground forces were to busy marching forward to pay attention.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Ranma said before running out from behind the rock blushing wearing the pigs green armor tightened to fit his toned form; it was pulled over his generic red and black clothing.

"You better be idiot, what a prude and he doesn't seem to be all that bothered that I'm always in the buff so why should he be bothered with you, although I'm kind of wondering how he managed to make us all fall into such a compromising position in the first place." Kazooie said behind the boulder giving brief grunt as something else was going on, followed by some clanging noises and after that it was silent.

"Maybe it's because you don't have any naturally attractive assets… or a shred feminine decency." Cass stated snidely before walking out from behind the rock also dressed in the pigs green armor tightened to fit her deceptively thin body that was under all her normal armor.

"Yeah well I don't think Ranma is as into the spirits as much as you are, speaking of which… Meathead put on my backpack I'm your new backseat driver, oh and here's something to make you fit in more with the pig soldiers." Kazooie ignored the dig at her personal appearance masterfully as she pulled her backpack off and pulled out two rubber pig noses with elastic bands to hold them onto a persons face, she handed them both one and then gave Ranma her pack which she promptly climbed into to watch the action from behind his back.

Ranma just shrugged as he put the plastic pig nose over the top of his bear nose, Cass did the same but under protest that she didn't believe that the Devotindos army had any female officers and it was stupid to believe that any of their officers had a rare fur disorder that could make them be mistaken for a bear, that and she muttered angrily that she'd really want her regular armor back after this is all over, she wasn't about to let a dirty reckless hooligan like Kazooie keep her armor in that magical backpack.

"Okay now get behind the other pigs and act normal and if they ask, act really stupid about having gone to the bathroom while you're in the middle of the invasion and you better make it convincing, since your going to be doing all the talking." After having said her piece Kazooie ducked into her backpack as they neared the rear defenders who looked completely bored out of their skulls, who suddenly noticed two of there own showing up after having disappeared for a second.

"Where you goes, brothers?" A pig asked and Cass couldn't believe their stupidity, she'd thought that they'd at least notice her tail or the fact that her hair was sticking out the back of her helmet still in a long single loose plait, but no the guy was just asking a simple question without aggressively being paranoid about the differences from the two that were marching behind them minutes ago.

"Ise go to do a two, but no can do it on own so I needest help… " Ranma replied with as stupid as he could push his voice to sound and surprisingly the pigs just turn back around to follow the marching death machines bringing up the rear in case reinforcements for Zebulos arrive.

"Ughh… me needs help wit dat to sometinesss." The pig admitted after a moment, causing Ranma and Cass to turn pale green in the face as that did not create a good mental image and Kazooie was about to make a very witty remark as she poked her head out in the area of toilet humor but Ranma roughly clamped his hand over her beak and shoved her back into the backpack before anyone noticed.

It didn't take long before the rear guard went entirely missing when Ranma and Cass slowly whittled their miserable rear guard defenses of a at least twelve pig soldiers completely down to none; a punch to the back of the head or a stolen mace to the skull works wonders, the pigs were pretty stupid if they were tricked by plastic noses and poorly constructed armor that was refitted after being recently stolen.

"Okay now that the mentally challenged warts are removed, we need to help those troops so let's try and commandeer two of those rock em sock em robots, we'll figure out how to drive them after we've taken care of their pilots." Ranma and Cass quickly came up behind the four pig mechs that were walking forward in a square formation protecting the slowly scuttling scorpion robot it seemed to be in no hurry to advance on the castle.

Speaking of which the castle was swamped with pig soldiers trying to get through the front entrance being held by a whole slew of possum knights holding their ground admirably well, they weren't the only knights around but they were the most notably common in the Zebulos army.

The flying robots on balloons were being shot down everywhere by the several species of archers on the battlements ranging from raccoons, rabbits and even a few humanoid lizard looking animals, it was a mess and the giant spider robot crawling around on the castle wasn't helping either as their arrows wouldn't do anything to it.

The Zebulos soldiers in the castle were having the most trouble then the ones on the outside what with that spider robot spitting webbing and dangerous mini robot spiders all over the place, also there were a few pig soldier coming from the airship but they mostly kept setting themselves stupidly on fire and weren't exactly doing all that much to help the invasion so they were largely ignored.

"Well I have to admit Beaky, the way things are going nothing could…" Ranma almost managed to say as they came up on the back left most pig bot (can be referred to as either mech or bot) while Cass was already climbing up on the back right one in the formation, Kazooie had quickly covered Ranma's mouth and was looking around in fear.

"You just had to go and say it half way while thinking the rest of it out didn't you, do you even remember my abject lesson to not call attention to Murphy's Law by not stating certain key phrases? You just had to do just that you overly ignoramus idiot; even Banjo knows better then that!" Kazooie was looking around wildly in fear as Ranma jumped up and clung to the back of the pig bot with his bear claws and climbed to the best of his ability up its back side, trying to ignore the bird's panicky voice and how she said something about an unexpected plot twist popping up.

**Nerima, the enactment of Murphy's Law in progress.**

"I the blue thunder have obtained the powerful wishing sword from its stone and now I have unbelievable power at my fingertips, but what to use it for." Tatewaki Kuno a member of a prestigious family of questionable background with a questionable amount of riches, he is about to pander to Murphy's Law whether he cares or not.

"Why don't you wish yourself a brain dear brother, then at least the other two wishes won't go to waste and if I had those wishes I'd wish for a more normal family, with a better goal in life… oh well time to go pick on the other martial arts gymnastics teams." It was yet again Kodachi Kuno the other person that just wants attention by dressing outlandishly and acting completely insane, she should probably win an Emmy with how well she does at it.

"First I wish for a shrine to my dear Akane Tendo with written words that would most likely pander to my wild fiery tigress's nature for I wish it so." It was the fact that he ignored his sister so much that he couldn't tell she was acting anymore, because as it might have been mentioned earlier she can't stand the sanity for to long, mostly since it was boring and lonely.

**A park in Nerima.**

A statue of Akane Tendo appeared, with the text underneath it reading "I'm Akane Tendo, I like to break bricks, I hate boys, I have the fury, I will hit you with a huge hammer at the slightest provocation and I like to wear cat suits", the cat suits thing was a lie but due to Kuno's crazy wish the statue was indeed wearing a skimpy looking tiger suit and laying in a provocative pose and it was there for the entire world to see.

**Back with Tatewaki.**

"For my next wishes, I wish to be sent on a valiant quest to slay a foul sorcerer and when he is slain I shall return triumphantly back home, I also wish that with his defeat at my hands Akane Tendo's heart will be mine." And thus the katana glowed and he was thrown into a portal, everyone from this point on can obviously tell where he's going to end up.

Of course nobody factored in how the magical katana felt about all this and even if it didn't like it's new owner it still had to grant three wishes within reason… and the one kind of wish it couldn't grant was love and thankfully enough it can influence a user away from such decrepit ideas such as this moron who had the luck of the draw to be the one millionth person to pull on it.

Of course it hoped that the idiot didn't actually kill the sorcerer or else it had to rip out a poor girl's heart in a really 'she'll be dead if this idiot succeeds' kind of way, but given how bad this idiot was on the intelligence scale it wasn't all that too much of a worry, except the guy was a persistent loony bin escapee.

The guy practically wasted the three wishes so after it was done and sent Tatewaki packing it would find someone to hang out with since it will have spent all its wishing powers, but not its other magical abilities like talking or going where it wished to; pun intended, that is after it fulfilled its main prerogative, then it might look for someone who could actually be worthy of wielding it other then this bastardized version of a samurai.

**Zebulos castle battlegrounds.**

Ranma wasn't having a good day, after the entire eggs for breakfast fiasco and a few embarrassing questions about what Kazooie might have put in the hash browns, he and Kazooie had set out with Cass, who sniped at Kazooie with crass comments and Kazooie couldn't help but return the salvo.

If that wasn't bad enough the red crested breegull had been sulking until they started to initiate her plan, he just couldn't believe that it worked or that they fell for a bear and possum obviously wearing their armor, which was way to brittle and flexible to be of any really good defense against a butter knife, which led him to remember to ask what Kazooie meant by saying 'those poor Storm Troopers' the next time he got the chance.

Ranma didn't know what was up with the Kazooie lately, but she was obviously enjoying her new toy if the sound of rending metal and loud concussive sounds didn't give it away, since he couldn't figure out how to work the thing he left it to Kazooie to figure it out and when she did, she surprisingly drove it by Cass's stolen pig bot to give her a run down of the controls in a act of cease fire in their hatred for each other, that was before she turned to him instructing him to stop the scorpion thing while they handled the two other pig bots.

It wasn't the easiest challenge he's ever received as the thing was literally a monster, but he'd take it with as much bravado as he had anything else in a straightforward fighting manner, he ditched his stolen pig armor and started leaping towards his target.

**Elsewhere.**

The blue armored rocket pack jockey known as Sparkster landed on a tiny bit of stable ground after having battled and destroyed a pig tank while going over a waterfall, he proceeded too look across the lake at the burning castle.

The destroyed pig tanks power core fell right next to him startling him a for a bit before he realized what it was, it also gave him an idea but it wouldn't give him permanent sustained flight but the energy that was left in the core would make the trip across the vast expanse of water easier.

He quickly picked it up and then tried to figure out how to attach it to his rocket pack temporarily and he didn't have time to be dilly dallying, he was needed at the castle so he quickly wedged it at the top of the two simplistic cylinders before jumping from his stable perch while giving the power core a boost from his own energy to kick start it.

Unfortunately given what the pigs machines were made of and powered by Sparkster was in for a world of trouble for attaching the unstable power core to his rocket pack, which in turn attracted someone's attention solely on him and led to him being attacked by a giant mechanical sea dragon not seconds later.

However that focused attention would be the ultimate downfall of the Devotindos Empire.

**Zebulos castle battlegrounds.**

Okay Ranma had to admit that the scorpion robot was ridiculously well built; he had managed to stall its forward momentum a bit as he jumped on its back and started slamming his glowing fist into it creating small dents in the metal; he had practiced increasing the damage he can do with a punch by focusing energy to his paws; it was something he learned to do from the bear claw clash attack he made, he didn't really do much damaged but a few dents before he had to dodge the tail as it fired thin beams of energy at him that seemed to delay for a moment before moving forward at a rapid pace and bouncing harmlessly off the metal that the scorpion was made of.

Even with Ranma distracting the scorpion slightly, the Zebulos forces weren't doing anything to it as it rammed through the front line of their soldiers in a relatively easy manner launching powerful blast of fire from its pincers, it could also fire concentrated blasts of electricity from it mouth, it was sending the poor Zebulos soldiers trying to slow it down flying into the air left in right as it viciously pushed its way through them.

"What does it take to beat this thing?" Ranma screamed as he clapped both his paw like hands together sending three of the strongest blunt waves of blue energy he could generate straight into the base of the tail as it warmed up for another round of lasers.

The base of the tail withstood the energy attack but it lost its charge and fizzled out sparking a bit before it became clear that Ranma's attack had disabled it's laser firing capability as the base of the tail was crumpled inwards enough to stop it's focusing energy process, it started trying to stab at Ranma after that and he deftly dodged the mechanical monsters tail several times as the thing slammed it into its own back several times trying to dislodge the unwanted martial artist, it was when it reared back hard before swinging it forward that Ranma got a brilliant idea and got the tail of the scorpion to slam into its own head.

It stopped temporarily almost having reached the Zebulos castles gates and gave off a large whining shriek, before managing to jerk it's tail out of it's own head, it titled it's body to the left before pushing off and rolling to the right throwing Ranma clear of it to land roughly on the ground.

"This can't possibly get any worse." It wasn't as if the scorpion was the only problem the Zebulos forces were busy with the mass quantity threats like the ever easily beaten pig soldiers and the odd aerial balloon forces coming out of the airship, the archers were swamped with those things and being swarmed by miniature mechanical spider mines didn't make it easier for them.

They'd yet to scratch one of the three singular higher quality threats that were unbelievably powerful as the one Ranma was facing right now, so it was no surprise that there weren't any soldiers left trying to get in the way of the scorpion bashing at the gates of the castle with blast of electricity and fire, but the gate was well built to withstand a lot of punishment and it had to recover for a short time after overheating from its constant barrage, Ranma was currently stalled slightly from getting back on by a few pigs but it wasn't much trouble.

A portal had opened up far above the battlefield and it was when things got worse, but only for Ranma as he instinctively leapt backwards when a high speed blue object slammed into the back of the scorpion creating a huge dent as well as a thunderous racket that caused it nearly stop moving altogether as the legs of the machine struggled to stay intact from the impact, while it was doing so Ranma managed to get back on the metal menace.

"Do not worry as I; THE BLUE THUNDER, have landed safely on my head and I shall fight on so that I can defeat the evil sorcerer that has bewitched my dear Akane's heart!" The thing that stood up from the heavy indention on the back of the scorpion rose it's sword to the sky and nothing happened, which caused the figure to look around trying to figure out where its special effects cue went.

"Oh brother." Ranma mumbled as he took a step to the left and the scorpion's tail slammed into its back where he was just standing, it left a slight dent where the stinger had hit as it lifted back up and the Scorpion recovered from the impact though it was seemingly confused for moment before it went back to trying to bust down the gate.

"YOU, YOU MUST BE THE SORCERER WHO HAS MY DEAR AKANE'S HEART IN ITS CLUTCHES AND I MUST DEFEAT YOU SO THAT I MAY RETURN HOME TRIUMPHANTLY FOR I AM THE BLUE THUNDER, THE POWERS THAT BE GUIDES MY POWERFUL BLADE TO DESTROY MY FOE AND THAT I MAY BE WITH MY FIERCE TIGRESS AGAIN!" Ranma looked left and right wondering who this crazy guy that fell from the sky was talking about, before he dodge the guys first sword thrust at him and watched as the sword pierced straight through the armor of the scorpions tail, making him gawk in surprise.

It was when the odd blue hakama wearing five foot humanoid blue furred rat attacked him did he realize that it was referring to him as a target that should be killed, however this same insane rat was currently having problems wrenching his sword from the giant metal scorpions now limp and lifeless tail.

Inside of the Scorpions tail the sword had bent its body like it was made of rubber so that it would get stuck on the innards of the metal scorpion's tail thereby stopping the crazy kendo guy from killing any innocent people, but it was getting harder to hold on as it's sharp edges started to slowly eat through the insides of the tail and the guy that wielded it was relentless in his tugging and wiggling.

"Whoa what is your problem? You might have scratched me or maybe even have damaged my clothes a bit." Ranma said as he arrogantly stood next to the katana wielder without a worry about being killed the next instance, the sword was more then halfway buried into the machine and it looked to be stuck tight.

"That was the point as I, THE BLUE THUNDER! Will seek your end foul sorcerer for it is a sign of the heavens that I am to slay you... as soon as I can wrest my sword from this structure I will fight on! Your evil tyranny will be at its end..." He continued to say stuff like this while tugging at his sentient magical sword that wasn't to happy with him; not that Tatewaki Kuno noticed it was sentient to begin with, while Ranma continued to wonder what this guys problem was before he noticed that the scorpion had finally managed to break through the front gates of the castle while he was distracted by this odd guy that tried to stab him with a katana.

End chapter

Trio note: Kuno's wishes could be separated as such dude.

1. Statue in honor of Akane. (As the sword could perceive from what Tatewaki might have meant.)

2. A mystical quest with a return ticket upon completion by killing a sorcerer. (It's like saying I wish for round trip ticket to a mystical quest.)

3. Basically a add on wish to rip Akane's heart out if he succeeds in beating the sorcerer, because of the implications that Kuno has to kill a specified sorcerer as the sword chooses, the wish could fail to work but still counts as a wish even if it does fail to carry out. (Not that Tatewaki Kuno is intentionally aware that he made a potentially fatal wish.)


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: We don't own Ranma one-half, Rocket Knight Adventures or Banjo Kazooie…you were maybe expecting an off the wall disclaimer?

Summary: Now we take things inside the castle of Zebulos as it is slowly being brought down around everyone's general heads.

Chapter 10: Scorpion much?

**Zebulos castle, front gate.**

A loud explosion occurred in the middle of the battlefield and the wounded soldiers that were resting around the gate; that was recently torn down by the other giant mechanical beast that had managed to get into the castle, looked up and saw a blackened object fall to the ground near them and skidded across the ground leaving a small trench, they all cringed when they seconds after realized that the object was alive and possibly in agony as it shifted around a bit.

"Uh…you okay…" One of the soldiers ventured closer as the object started shifting in an odd manner.

"I'm fine… could be a lot better though…" The scratchy feminine lilt in the coughing voice gave way to several cracking sounds like bones being set back into place, as the figure quickly stood up and swept it's wings downward creating a blast of black dust, the bird that was previously in a large explosion looked completely fine and was brushing the excess dust off of herself.

"What… but that explosion…" The same soldier said as he watched the bird stretch its wings and waltz up to them like it never happened.

"Yeah… I know… thank goodness for wonderwing, but you wouldn't know about it…. Hi I'm Kazooie have you seen a light brown furred bear about this big, with a black hair in a pigtail come by and possibly with a huge deadly looking scorpion robot." Kazooie said as she emphasized what she was talking about with her wings, ignoring the soldiers awkwardly staring at her as she seemed slightly… cheerful was the word.

"Uh yeah I think that bear was actually distracting the thing quite a bit, but he was doing more then we ever could and he's using his bare hands for crying out loud." The possum soldier stated while looking warily around for any pig soldiers that might have broken through the front lines which were still holding quite well despite the metal monster breaching straight through their forces.

"Don't you mean bear hands… oh well; I guess I don't need to ask where they went…" Kazooie noticed the busted down door and walked on through, whistling cheerfully to herself as if everything was right with the world.

"Did anybody else just feel a huge sense of dread when she passed by?" The possum soldier asked one of his friends, they shivered a bit and nodded that they too felt apprehensive about someone who can survive stuff like that and then happily whistle afterwards especially in the middle of a heated battle like this.

**Currently flying over the lake.**

Sparkster had finally managed to defeat the water dragon creature that had been dropped into the water earlier, he did it by bashing its head in enough times with his sword as he flew across the expanse of water towards the now burning castle of Zebulos and that's where several important factors kicked in for him when he tried to slow down his rocket packs continuous flying ability granted to him by the stolen power core.

"What… come on, come on…. No! Oh no…NO, NO, NO… AGGGHHHHHH…" It wasn't as funny as it looked, but Sparkster had suddenly had his head rammed through the lower back side of the castle at just above the water level, it created a powerfully loud noise, a given when going through a solid wall of stone at least a foot thick, he thankfully had his helmet and sword to thank for deafening what would otherwise be a really painful moment, it could have ended up being compared to what a car crash might have looked like if he didn't hit the wall just right..

Sparkster landed on his back on the other side of the wall, groaning in pain and he quickly stood up to check if everything was alright, he found his helmet had a small indention in it but he was otherwise completely fine.

After taking a moment to get his bearings and noticed a bunch of servants and maids running around in a panic trying to put the fires out; currently too busy to worry about a large hole in the wall, he also noticed a pig running towards him trying to put the fire on his butt out.

"Will this day never end?" It was the only thing Sparkster could groan out before he set forward towards the upper levels of the castle, after bashing his way past the pig soldier with his pants lit ablaze.

**Back with the rampaging metal scorpion.**

"Wow heavy lobster definitely has nothing on this thing in terms of frightening intimidation, now if only its tail wasn't damaged then maybe I could skip rope with it." It was Kazooie who had caught up with the rampaging pig machine in the castle hallways and with the way she talked about it, she sounded like she wanted to be friends with it.

She walked up the limp tail of the scorpion noticing it was to busy smearing Zebulos soldiers to the walls to notice her or the fact that Ranma was fighting some kind of Sonic the hedgehog impersonator only in a samurai style repeatedly stabbing at him with a katana and missing a lot while Ranma commented on it jokingly, but the pressure waves coming from the sword were no laughing matter as they tore up chunks of stone from the walls.

"Isn't a katana made for slashing attacks?" Kazooie commented innocently with a bit of cheerfulness throwing Ranma completely off balance and it nearly got him cut in half when Kuno slashed at him after she mentioned it causing Ranma to land on his back, it also caused Tatewaki to turn around while still trying to stab at Ranma.

Kuno failed as Ranma rolled out of the way, thereby causing the sword to get stuck into the back of the scorpion as it charge up another blast of electricity from it's mouth.

"A beauteous song bird has come to herald my quick victory over the foul sorcerer for I the Blue…" He couldn't get any further into his fruity tirade as the scorpion released its electrical charge, which didn't fly out its mouth like it was posed to but instead electrocuted Kuno violently as energy charged up his sword into him.

"Thunder… I… shall… fight on!" Kuno stupidly said as he fell over burnt to a crisp and spasms a bit, but he was still breathing.

"Now that's what a comedian would call a shocking development, I'm just shocked I would even consider making that pun … but some thunderous applause would be nice that I even bothered with that piece of lameness." Kazooie said while releasing a bout of laughter as the metal scorpion reared angrily giving off a wild angry sound.

Ranma fell over but because he was still wearing Kazooie's back pack he stayed on the scorpions back when it got caught on a small angular bit of metal, Kuno stayed on because of his death grip on the sentient sword that hated him was still firmly stuck in the scorpions back and Kazooie could fly or cling to slanted surfaces easily, so she didn't need an excuse as to why she stayed on it's back.

It slammed its body down hard causing a large sonic boom that shook the entire castle, causing a few stones to fall from the roof above their heads, before it then went about absentmindedly fighting its way to its target destination without pause.

"Kazooie could you try to not get me killed next time, I want to get through this in one piece you know and why the hell are you so happy now." Ranma was thrown off by Kazooie's change in demeanor while he had admittedly become too relaxed in dancing around in Kuno's pattern of jabs that he forgot he was supposed to be stopping the death bug, he shouldn't have fallen into a pattern and it got people hurt that he did.

"Sorry I just can't help myself right now, I'm on my fourth stage of several stages of facing reality and I admit it really bites to be this happy all the time but it works for me." She said before giggling happily, while trying to cover her beak with her wings.

"Stages? Facing reality? Could you maybe explain it in a way I can understand it." Ranma said as it sounded like a foreign concept, while the scorpion dropped back to the ground and continued to scuttle forward.

"Yes I have a problem with acceptance sometimes so I go through several stages to coming around to a solution to my problems before I can go back to being my crude self, first is my incredibly short denial phase; second is anger stage if you remember when I told you I ambushed those pigs that would have been it, then there was my long term depression stage and finally my overly giddy acceptance of things stage I sure hope it ends soon because I'd really love to hate it right now." Kazooie said happily, Ranma didn't like how silly Kazooie was acting at the moment but decided to ignore it and try to figure out how to bring down the scorpion perhaps maybe permanently.

"Right, well can you think of a way to stop this thing? I'm barely scratching it as it is here." To emphasize his point he slammed his fist into the scorpions head as hard as he can only creating a shallow dent and that was with him enhancing it with energy, he turned back to the over creepily cheerful bird who gave a thoughtful look.

"Why certainly, but you're not going to like it." It was the sing song way that Kazooie said it that made Ranma wished that he hadn't asked and he had taken notice that the crazy katana guy was coming to and Kazooie just back winged him to the face knocking him back out with the annoying cheery attitude slowly draining from her body noticeably enough.

"Hey a martial artist life is fret with peril and if we don't stop this thing more people are going to get hurt." Ranma wasn't quite as sure of himself as he sounded when it came to this proclamation, one because the giant scorpion thing was hardly damageable except apparently by that katana now wedged in its back and second it was still spewing deadly hot flames from its claws in front of it.

"Well hope you like barbecue… meaty head… I need you to get in front of it and attract its attention solely onto yourself while I figure out a way to flip this thing upside down or damage it; the best way to find out is to get it to reveal a weak spot… everything has at least one since perfection like me is ridiculously hard to come across." Ranma rolled his eyes at Kazooie's so called perfection, but her happy tone didn't falter one bit and he begrudgingly went to jump off and Kazooie stopped him by placing a wing on his shoulder.

"Oh and you might want to use my backpack as a shield by putting over your entire body like so." Ranma had completely forgotten he's been wearing this thing the whole time he's been fighting the scorpion, he nodded after being shown what Kazooie had wanted him to do and then leapt off to the front of the now lobster like machine firing a claw clash attack into it's face getting it's attention instantly as it screeched madly.

It reared back both pinchers which brimmed with fire and then it pointed to Ranma and released two hot pillars of flame that created a small wall of fire behind Ranma as he pulled the backpack over his head and performed what Banjo would call the "shack pack" which makes the backpack look like it's walking around on it's own when really the person is standing inside of it's magical storage space while sticking his feet out of it making him a smaller target, that and the backpack could handle temperatures exceeding the heat of lava and being thoroughly dunked in acid so it was a useful maneuver but you couldn't fight while using it like this and injury wasn't entirely impossible.

Ranma quickly pulled the backpack off of himself and dodge rolled out of the way to his right into the center of the hallway before one of the massive metal claws squashed him, it reared back it's arms and screeched before crawling after Ranma trying to blast him with gouts of fire from its pincers as he slowly made his way down the stone passageway, trying to give Kazooie time to come up with something.

With one confused and aggravated metal scorpion following, that if it was intelligent enough it would wonder why Ranma wasn't dead yet after all the fire it just unleashed.

**Down the same corridor.**

"This part of the castle seems to…. WHOA!" Sparkster ducked under a horizontal pillar of fire as it flew over his head down the stone corridor that dipped up and down several times, the reason it was built like this is for mostly unknown reasons, though it was surmised to be used for coverage from archers where there wasn't any in an otherwise rectangular almost straight hallway.

Moot point; Sparkster idly thought to himself, considering the pigs didn't use arrows and the people who designed this castle were slightly off; out of their minds more like it, when they built it, so some parts of it were made only accessible by rocket knights, that or people who could jump really high like a falconess or maybe even fly.

"Where in the world did that…" Sparkster turned around and quivered in his blue armor as another wall of flames slowly built up behind him, he jumped in the air and a pillar of fire shot underneath him and then he quickly moved into a lowering part of the corridor, ducking as another one shot overhead.

The blue rocket packed knight was already taking off down the corridor, but was slowed down because the heat started to get to him since it was sweltering, wearing slightly heavy armor and running around waving a sword used up lots of energy, if he didn't stop for fruit snacks on his way here he might have keeled over from hunger alone, not to mention exhaustion from using his energy to propel himself bodily into the enemy to destroy their wickedly powerful machines with his rocket pack.

It was at moments like this that Sparkster was glad he spent most of his time building stamina to utilize the rocket pack to such extremes, instead of training in hand to hand combat or having more better sword skills that can do amazingly nifty things like deflect projectiles, one of the few skills he actually has.

He made it to a arch; after dodging a few more streams of fire, and dove through as it collapsed behind him, he stood up giving off a panting breathe and started climbing the insides of the castle when he noticed that a large spider like being was staring at him through the castle windows, insert deep feeling in the pit of his stomach.

**Back to the metal scorpion.**

"You know you could actually be helping me here instead of commenting on the situation!" The poor martial artist screamed at the red bird that was lazily relaxing on the scorpions back as it continued to try and make fried martial artist on a stick.

It wasn't the only one attacking him as he slid under its right claw as it bashed into the wall behind him, as the blue rat formerly known as Tatewaki jumped over said claw as he tried to bring his sword down on Ranma's skull who performed a well timed back flipped and bounced off the crazy sword wielding kendo style user, that was put into the path of flames from the left claw that hit the spot that Ranma used to be.

"Sorry I'm having too much fun watching you tempt fate… which is somewhat your fault, seeing as you did something to apply Murphy's Law… just get the Scorponok here to rear up again, I think I've figured out how to take it down." Kazooie looked behind herself at the several scorch marks and a few holes on the back of the scorpion she tossed everything at the armor and found out a really interesting fact, while it was entirely blast and slash proof, the armor was easily pierced and considering all the archers in the castle aren't doing a lick of damaged to the giant spider robot outside the opposite must be true that it can't be pierced, but slashed and blown up.

Despite the pigs looking like idiots this plan was too good for their level of intelligence not to mention all the high level technology that was completely abnormal, well considering she hasn't seen a rocket pack yet she couldn't make the judgment on whether the pigs technology was based on something entirely different like Zebulos's technology which seems to be limited to just the rocket knights.

"HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE I DO THAT WITHOUT GET SMASHED, STABBED, BURNED OR KILLED, I MAYBE LIKE TO BRAG BUT EVEN I KNOW I'M IN OVER MY HEAD HERE!" Ranma had started executing doubles jumps, cartwheels, reverse spin flips and a multitude of dodging techniques that were famous maneuvers of parkour from platforming games, Kazooie sweat dropped as he wasn't even getting a moment to think or breathe as somehow the mad katana wielding maniac seemed to ignore heavy doses of pain and the scorpion was a veritable tank even after taking some very lucky acute strikes that weakened it's abilities it was still very dangerously damaging the walls around the corridor.

She could peck through the armor, but for a boss fight that could take a while and Ranma was running out of dodge maneuvers so that was a bust, she could do what she did to that one pig mech in her ambush, but if she accidentally killed herself now then where would Ranma be without her; albeit forced, guidance if in fact she didn't survive doing it twice.

Then there was the crazy sword wielding maniac who didn't seem to know how to use a katana correctly and constantly jabbed with it, unfortunately Ranma couldn't lead him into a good enough position to strike down the scorpion or else this fight would have been over by now and the ceiling wouldn't be… Kazooie cut off from her thoughts as large chunks of the ceiling started falling down around them, they need to move and fast or else they'd be buried under a large portion of castle.

"Ranma if you can do a wall run, now would be a good time because if we don't move it we could accidentally get people killed by dropping this part of the castle on them, but I'm more worried that it might more importantly drop... ON US!" Taking a understanding of the urgent emphasis from Kazooie, Ranma ducked around the Kuno's rapid stabbing attack and before he decided to swing at Ranma for the rare occasional slice that deflected the scorpions left large armored claw that tried to smash them without damaging it and it gave him the room to jump up to the wall and run along it causing the scorpion to start stomping forward after its most troublesome target that earned its ire, it might be ignoring it's real objective now.

It nearly stepped on the katana guy who proceeded to go on a flowery tirade about his tigress Akane and being ignored by giant noble beast that were helping him on his quest, causing Kazooie to scoff at him and mumble something about foreshadowing sucking in the story.

"Getting it to rear up might be a problem Kaz…" This of course was Ranma's answer to Kazooie having a need to have the scorpion stand on its hind legs, he quickly ducked into the backpack again dodging both the Scorpions firing twin streams of fire down the hallway into the wall of a nearby corner and Tatewaki's rapid fire sword thrusts missed causing him to get confused as to why a blue backpack was waddling away from him, ignoring the fact that his clothes were currently on fire and so was he for that matter.

"Hey Meathead get it to stand up at that turn in the corridor." They had turned several corridors and they seemed relatively empty except for the people blockading the rooms on either side of the stone halls.

Ranma pulled the backpack off himself after he went around the corner to get a breather, when he turned around and noticed something peculiar about the scorpions lacking in the tail department and what Kazooie was doing with it, it looked like she was dragging it after having apparently severed it and that's when Ranma knew why she wanted him to get it to rear up right here, though he wasn't sure the scrawny she-devil mouthed red crow could pull it off given how much she was struggling with its weight causing her feathered face to turn a dark red from stress.

Ranma dashed towards the scorpion and then disappeared in a flash of afterimages as the scorpion tried to club him with it's left claw, it looked up towards the ceiling to see Ranma clinging to it with his eyes closed muttering about something.

It tried to strike at Ranma but its reach was short so it did what predictably this story wanted it to do, it stood up and on the ground Kuno was right next to it proclaiming Ranma to be a foul vampire sorcerer that was holding his lovely Akane Tendo in his evil grasp from across the mortal planes.

With it's back facing the outside corner the giant metal scorpion stabbed its right claw upwards and missed as Ranma released his grip on the ceiling and then falling at an angle, it used its stuck right claw to steady itself into a standing position to attack the martial artist nuisance.

He shot straight up again from mid drop to clinging to the ceiling slightly to the left of the scorpion's body barely missing getting blasted by a stream of fire that barely missed him by a small margin catching his right heel on fire which he stamped out on the ceiling, before dropping to the floor again dodging another attempt to smash him with it's left claw, also getting it stuck in the ceiling.

"MOVE IT MEATHEAD, YOU'RE FINE WHERE YOU ARE YOU BLUE BLUNDERING BUFFOON!" Tatewaki stopped in mid jab that Ranma had dodged after he hit the ground, to look towards the bird in question as he was wondering why the beauteous creature would be helping the sorcerer; ah it must be that she is enchanted as well by the fiend in a fowl way.

Ranma taking heed to Kazooie's Advice dove out of the way as she hefted the tail and swung it about cracking it like a whip and the tip of the scorpions own recently pecked off tail rammed true halfway into the left side of the scorpion and Kazooie gave a mighty yank as best as she could putting a lot of physical energy into it, the scorpion almost gave but with its claws stuck in the ceiling it stayed in place.

"GET OVER HERE!" Kazooie screamed with a violent tone and with one final tug giving it her all the giant metal scorpion impaled with its own tail lost its grip and flew into the inside corner and was nearly bisected vertically with a loud roaring screech, now it had one large ninety degree injury straight up the bottom side of its body and slowly it stopped moving, the fluids it leaked where unidentifiable as it laid there propped up against the wall.

"Wow." Was the only word Ranma could think to say. He didn't think Kazooie was strong enough to do something like that and he would admit that was impressive for a scrawny looking bird like her and she just stood there leaning against the wall looking for all the world pleased with herself she managed to drag the entire scorpion towards herself using it's own tail as a whip, then slamming it painfully into the castle walls inner corner.

"Well that takes care of that… let's move it Meathead we have a princess kidnapping to prevent." Kazooie however didn't move from the spot she was standing and Ranma was giving her an odd look.

"Uh, Kazooie why are you just standing there like that? I thought you said we had a princess to protect." Kazooie looked down the hallway they just came and then looked down the hallway they would have been going and sweat dropped when she turned to Ranma.

"Well yeah, but I don't know where I am and we're lost; in an oddly built multi leveled castle, so why don't you tell me exactly where we're posed to be going Jock Strap?" Ranma face faulted spectacularly at this information, sure they had the world map, but that was only in general terms of area not place.

Kazooie gave a sigh and looked at the scorpion as it rested against the wall, when suddenly a sword held in a familiar blue furred arm shot out the right side of its back spooking her and before it fell limp.

"Is he…" Never wanting to be responsible for any death if he could help it, Ranma watched as Kazooie checked the pulse by putting her head next to the wrist of the hand tightly clutching the sword that the guy now known as the "Blue Blunder" wielded; she blinked several times with her eyes widening each time.

"I think we might have found someone that is more indestructible then my beak; his pulse is still strong, oh and the giant metal scrap heap is still active as well… but I wash my wings of this situation, let's just go already. We've wasted enough time playing around with the pigs tinker toys." Kazooie then walked down the corridor in the same direction they were previously going when the scorpion was stopped, not bothering to look back as the giant scorpion weakly raised it's right claw and waved it slowly in an angry pattern.

"Are you sure leaving that thing like that is… never mind…" If he was about to do what he thought he was, Kazooie was right to call him a Meathead so often and considering his clothes were badly damaged in the fight but still in good operable shape he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth that he came out of all that with relatively minor cuts and bruises, not to mention horribly exhausted as martial artist were not meant for battling large creatures, especially not ones made of metal.(Unless you have the "breaking point technique", moot point seeing as no one in the story other then the Amazon's can use it or teach it, right? Also I'm very aware of Orochi and the magic moss which leads to the point that a martial artist is definitely better at handling more human opponents, unless given overly ridiculously powerful abilities.)

"I wonder what looking a wild horse in the mouth is like." Kazooie idly stated as she noticed Ranma looking back at the scorpion causing him to stop and balk at her like she had been reading his mind, then he just sighed and just trudged onward after the insane bird that would inevitably lead him into even more dangerous situations.

**Front Gates of Zebulos Castle.**

Cass was busy muttering angrily to herself that she lost her two charges one in a huge explosion that she hoped the bird didn't make it out of and the other was left fighting one of the Devotindos's more dangerous machines, who she hoped was actually more successful in bringing it down.

At current she wasn't lucky to find out that the bird was still alive as she patched up the injured soldiers around the gate with the medical supplies that were already there, she hated having to fix so many injuries and she ultimately hated having to be a medic, why couldn't all the soldiers fight more efficiently she could never know, but now that she thought about it neither Ranma nor Beak Face knew their way around the castle and that kind of worried her.

She shook her head away from those thoughts as she continued working on the soldiers as she thought about what happened to her pig mech and how she managed to make the entire thing do an odd back flip, no thanks in part to the bird that cause her to lose control of it in the first place, not to mention cause it to accidentally blow sky high.

"I'm so going to need a drink after this is all over and Trint owes me… now hold still this may hurt…" The sharp cry of a soldier was heard as a shadow played out on the wall with the sunlight showing a feminine form holding down a male form and shoving its shoulder roughly downwards with a popping sound, following by a needle and thread being held up to the male shadow, causing him to squirm, after the wound was sewed up bandages were in place and the shadow of the male soldier seemed less panicked and more relaxed.

End Chapter.

Next up: METAL GEAR! No… GEARS OF WAR! No… GUILTY GEAR! No… Sega's GAME GEAR? NO! NO! NO!… well what is it that has the word gear in it… because as everyone knows the word "GEAR" is epic in some ways…


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: All the previous disclaimers were normal and correct… we would like to think so.

Summary: THE GEAR! (Maybe we are overcompensating for the anticlimaticism of the story)

Chapter 10: Axle Gear. (After the summary we are glad to disappoint you with a bland title, that's only mildly relevant)

**Pig Boarone. (Could be called the big barone; but the name was changed do to not enough pig franchising involved in the story we will stop using parenthesis messages; this chapter at least, starting now.)**

It was a magnificently evil airship built by an unknown source from the pig army; it was captained by the pygmy pig captain Fleagle who was mostly a flake, but he did make sure the pigs powering the ship kept it flying and was a total wimp without any form of protection, he did have a giant belly dancing robot as his personal defense machine on board, it wasn't all that much of a super weapon.

Captain Fleagle at most times he wears a green admiral uniform with matching hat and a red cape, the real sticking point was his really goofy looking face with to small tusk sticking out the corners of his mouth and he was known for being a eccentrically fruity person.

Despite not being as such, all his soldiers have for some reason immediately labeled him as gay upon first sight; it is conjectured as such because of his petite figure, ridiculous antics, cross-dressing and for having a giant belly dancing robot that resembled him.

The ship itself was not well armed with any large cannons or anything like that; it had pig balloon with small machines attached to them to do who knows what, incendiary robot bombs and flying pig head shaped flamethrower fighters; this was the basics of its external defenses which weren't all that impressive at all.

The odd thing is it look liked it was designed to have two large frontal cannons and a bunch of smaller ones but those didn't work at all and were mostly for show; mostly, other then the propellers keeping it aloft it had several large tail engines to push it forward.

Its internal defenses were better consisting of well muscled but still incredibly stupid bazooka wielding pig soldiers in naval uniforms, pulsating laser walls and a large stockpile of explosives which were currently not being used for who knows whatever reason.

It was longer then it was big and had enough room to unload the three mostly unstoppable robots, the first would make sure no one could escape by water; the second would make sure nobody would escape by land and the last would make sure nobody could escape by flight; this of course meant any flying squirrels.

The one who was making sure the operation was to be carried out as ordered was a shadowy figure watching the battle from above, so far from what the figure knew the nearby machinery was telling him, the sea dragon was destroyed and the scorpion unit had been somehow completely disabled, the only thing left was the spider.

The figure grunted in dissatisfaction, he was surrounded by idiots, incompetents and mostly weak useless fools, they had the numbers and they were still losing despite still having amassed a sizable force against the Zebulos army.

They even had plenty to spare to raid the nearby village but somehow that was entirely messed up yesterday, by only what is known as the demon bird that had somehow spooked a lot of their troops.

It was no matter, all the figure wanted was power and nothing but, which is the reason he was here, but given how bad the plan was currently going he decided for a different course of action and instead of capturing all of Zebulos in one fell swoop he would kidnap the princess and ransom her for the key to the seal, so he could reach power he sought.

He would have a much easier time if he could just ransom her to the king instead of having to deal with trying to occupy the kingdom, with so many forces willing to rebel against the incursion.

The reason they couldn't kill the king is because he had the key to all that power, the reason kidnapping him would be useless because he would never give up the secrets for his own sake and the princess was far better leverage, the king would have to give in for his daughter.

That was only one reason to kidnap the girl; the fact that the figure had a fixation on the princess and was infatuated with her had nothing to do with it at all.

When the giant spider robots structural integrity started dropping, the figure grunted in displeasure before running off to accomplish his own mission to acquire the princess that had nothing to do with the fact that he liked her and it was all about power or that's what the figure should be thinking, before a explosion of light came from his back sending him towards the castle.

Plan B for the Devotindos Empire was to kidnap the princess and bring her back to emperor Devligus, but the figure really wasn't all that loyal so once he had that power he'd keep the princess all for himself.

This figure in broad daylight was from head to toe was armored like a regular knight, his armor was a dark purple color, with a beak shaped helmet guard and the most noticeable thing on the figure was his blood red rocket pack and the evil gleam in his red eyes.

It was the betrayer of the rocket knights, the dark rocket knight Axle Gear a vicious possum that was probably known as the most brutal of rocket knights before betraying them, he was fast, smart and physically strong enough to figuratively get away with stabbing every other rocket knight in the back before they knew what hit them.

He effortlessly shot through a group of Zebulos archers standing on the battlements as he infiltrated the castle after flying in on his rocket pack, no one was able to put up much of a fight before they took a severe injury seconds later when this possum rocketed by them at blurring speeds like a flying buzz saw, his rapid flipping led his dark sword to rip through clothing and armor like it wasn't there.

Axle considered all these fools in his way an unworthy challenge of the power he had been given, could nothing give him a challenge any more, he cut down a Zebulos knight without a second glance going further into the castle.

**Elsewhere Zebulos Castle.**

Kazooie was being lazy as she watched Ranma trying to find the king and the princess, all the while helping out soldiers who were buried under rubble, in the middle of a fight or in an odd case a civilian in need of assistance with something else like putting out the fires.

While all this was going on Kazooie was taking a nap in her backpack while Ranma did a lot of the work, not that she wouldn't help when Ranma he needed to put out some fires but otherwise she wasn't really doing other then firing off an ice egg every now and then.

Ranma was the one trying to ask for directions since they were lost and some of the people in the castle themselves got lost all the time, every time he got new directions he's never felt more lost then that Ryoga guy he used to share bread with on occasions, but he was putting his adapted weaponless fan-fan style to good use to blow out fires like a candle and to force the minute number of pig soldiers in the corridors into the walls with quick concentrated blasts of wind.

This was actually pushing his abilities to the limits and he still wasn't one hundred percent after dancing with the metal scorpion and the insane sword wielding blue furred rat guy, who somehow survived having a ton of immobilized metal land on him.

"HEY! WE NEED MORE PEOPLE OVER HERE!" Ranma sighed as yet again he was being sidetracked and would have to ask for more directions as this castle was a seemingly well built maze.

"What are you sighing about, we'll eventually get around to it and before you'll know it the princess will be kidnapped just like I said so no hurrying the inevitable Meathead, besides we're of normal importance around here so I can get away with being lazy." Ranma dashed off to help more people not caring what Kazooie meant by 'importance' as she wielded her DEM detector again checking to see if anything's changed as of late in their current readings.

Nothing changed so she just leaned to the left and propped her head up on her wing getting a good over the shoulder view of whatever Ranma happened to be rushing into now, he was chaotic good to the extreme to her chaotic neutral.

A few minutes later and another successful help someone in good will mission, Kazooie decided to hop out of her backpack to promptly taxi pack Ranma by stuffing him into the backpack against his will, he was really tiring himself out trying to save everyone and even Kazooie knew you couldn't be everywhere at once,.

So she trotted off trying to find her objective while forcing Ranma to rest, she could at least deal with the fact that she may be late or may not arrive at all in time, if she dealt with the fact that she helped banjo defeat a giant living blow torch with a pun for a name… and that situation had them hot under the collar, then she can deal with this one.

**Top of a tower in the castle.**

Sparkster had really chosen a nice place to fight a humongous spider robot in a small room at the top of the tallest tower, the machines head burst through the roof causing him to jump backwards slightly and start slashing at the spiders head rapidly before it could pull out, after it did though he waited looking at the hole in the stone roof.

Then it broke through the ceiling in a different place causing Sparkster to roll forward turn around and to start striking it again, he figured the head was its weak point considering it took a small bit of damage with each strike, it pulled back out faster then before.

It came down through the ceiling again, this time it was on the far side of the room causing Sparkster to get confused as to why it did that.

It was his confusion that the spider wanted as it came through the wall horizontally slamming Sparkster into the far opposite wall and then it pulled out only to come in horizontally through the wall Sparkster was at, however he managed to duck underneath it since its aim was a little high.

"Who on this entire frigging planet makes these things?" Sparkster screamed, as he kept alert wait for it to attack again and then dodged out of the way when it unrolled one of its long spindly legs into the building and moved it around trying to smack him or grab him.

**Back to AXLE GEAR!**

He was already at the throne room slamming through the doors to meet with only four measly guards after he had unceremoniously ripped quite a few apart getting here, he even commented as such as he stalked into the room causing the four guards to take up arms against him.

The throne room was simple; four pillars in spacious area leading up to a small set of steps at which the top there was the throne and several other chairs, the two Axle had come for were here.

"I should have known you were a traitor Axle, how dare you show your face around here, SEIZE HIM!" The king was a really short possum with a huge white beard he wielded a small scepter, wore blue robes and crown like any king would have.

His daughter was a lot taller then he was with straight oddly pink colored hair hanged down her backside and she was wearing a green dress that would have Kazooie making a reference about a toadstool, how she happened to be a lot taller then her father was something not many people speculated on.

As his four last lines of defense rushed forward, the king hoped they lived after this he was a kind person and seeing his subject in dire straights made him uneasy.

The two halberdiers, a regular knight captain with a sword and his knight's lance wielding page; all of them average sized possums wearing armor, charged forward towards the smirking and all too sure of himself purple armored dark knight.

Within a flurry of movement, Axle exploded forward in a zigzagging motion as he sliced the first halberdiers weapon apart sending blades of crimson energy cutting through the guy's armor in three places the worst being across his chest, he keeled backwards covering his chest wound gasping for air.

Axle quickly cut the next halberdiers weapon in half and nearly tore the armored person's leg off with a single swing; the guy's armor was completely shredded from around the belly straight down through one of the legs.

This was a huge problem as medically speaking having metal imbedded in the leg or lower body would be hard to remove or recover from, because of the trauma that was quickly dealt the halberdier quickly faltered to the floor face first with a feminine scream, the second halberdier was female.

Quickly charging his rocket pack, Axle shot forward sliding across the ground at a high speeds rammed his sword straight through the knights shield and into his chest and out his back, lifting the knight up still impaled on his sword Axle slung his entire body aside to his right causing it to slam roughly into the wall leaving a small splatter of blood from when it hit as it slid into a crumpled lump against the wall leaving a pool of blood beneath itself.

Axle's sword throughout this wasn't covered in blood; instead it gave off a creepy dark glow as he looked to the high ranking Page that only had a lance with which to defend, he certainly looked determined even if he was less armored then the other three..

For all his bravado the Page kind of accepted the fact that he was about to be gutted as badly as his poor captain; that if he wasn't dead he would soon die of the grievous injury, and his shield didn't even stop the traitor rocket knights sword from piercing him through.

Axle just ran up to him and slashed his sword into the tip of the Page's lance, sending a beam down it shredding the entire thing and causing the Page to cease his now pointless charge towards Axle since he was left with only the handle of his weapon.

Axle stalked forward about to skewer the poor lad when he dodge to his left away from a mace that nearly took his head off, it had surprised him for a good moment as he took time to get his bearings at the newest threat to his life, power and lust.

"You just had to dodge; and here I thought you were too distracted to notice me." Cass said angrily, if it wasn't one person she had to fix up for sword wounds it was multiple people in a row and she was really mad at the person who caused them and right in front of her was the only person on the opposite side with any sword skills whatsoever.

It didn't take a great imagination to connect the dots there, as the only one who was seemingly capable of wielding a sword in great capacity in the pigs army was Axle Gear the only possum in their army, Cass was still wearing the modified cheap and easily shattered pig armor which might cause confusion as to why she was wearing it.

Not that she can explain right now that it was in a magical storing sack and she had infiltrated the pig lines and wrecked the more destructive machines, gave medical attention to a bunch of people and made her way to where she was expecting Ranma and maybe grudgingly Kazooie to appear.

Quickly without a word Axle struck out at Cass and she deflected his sword by smacking the flat side of it with her mace, causing sparks to fly from it.

They started to slowly circle each other while the Page stayed with the king and princess off the side watching the events unfold as Cass clashed with Axle several times deflecting his sword and trying to implant the mace she was holding in his skull.

Axle however was still fast and didn't seem to be faltering one bit. Despite the large amounts of time and energy he spent generally kicking everyone's ass all over the place he hardly seemed to slow down one bit.

After several more clashes, Axle had finally managed to plant his sword halfway through the head of her mace, before receiving a kick to the face from Cass and he stumbled backwards growling angrily with the mace stuck on his sword he swung his sword aside sending the mace flying off of it.

He quickly charged his rocket pack and shot forward in one quick burst wrapping his left hand around Cass's throat as he passed and slammed her into a pillar on the right as you would normally enter this room but with Axle facing the direction of the door, having Cass pinned he pulled back his sword prepping to stab her in the neck as she glared at him straight in the eyes.

"Defiant to the end, pathetic." When he thrust his sword forward the tip had just entered her neck when the sword was knocked aside by another sword and the back swing caught him across the cheek sending a small spurt of blood flying from his face, causing him to turn around ignoring the possum he was about to stab to death.

It was the Page and he acquisitioned his former captain's sword and he was the only person in the room to actually land a successfully damaging hit before Axle slashed at him several times sending him screaming to the ground covered in his own blood by the blades of dark crimson energy that cut into his flesh through his armor.

"I've wasted enough time here." He turned to Princess Sherry and shot towards her grabbing her and hauling her off over his left shoulder screaming, he quickly ran up some stairs off to the side with the king giving chase yelling for help trying to rescue his own daughter from being kidnapped.

The room was quiet except that Cass was still noticeably breathing and trying to keep the wound on her neck from bleeding too much, when Kazooie walked in and looked at the five people on the ground two of which were possibly dead.

"Well looks like I'm late to the party again, I guess these guys went fighting for what they believed in, okay OUT MEATHEAD." Kazooie unceremoniously dumped Ranma out of her backpack onto the floor earning a yell of indignation from the still tired Ranma, as she went over to Cass and set the backpack down.

"If you can climb into my backpack you can save yourself, my backpacks healing functions only work if you can put yourself inside it under you own strength and you should be okay bar breathe." Cass gave a weak glare, but crawled into the back pack which expanded slightly excepting a new live object into itself.

"… I've never actually seen a dead person before." Ranma commented slowly as he looked at the four other people, going over to check to the two halberdiers first to see if they were alive.

"Well get used to it, people die all the time and you can't protect everyone, the only time people don't die is if they live where I come from where you just come back to life in a puff of smoke like nothing ever happened or the entire time stream is reset to the start of the adventure because you lost all your lives, that and you could end up in Game Over or Negative world and that doesn't happen all to often these days, then again fading away into obscurity is like death right?" It was like Kazooie didn't mind there being four bleeding bodies in the room as Ranma checked the knight to find that he was in fact dead and so was the other guy that died with a sword still clutched in his hands.

"Why aren't you taking this seriously?" Ranma said in a calm tone not belying the fact that it was downright cold, didn't she cared that these people where dead.

"I have a counter question, why is there conflict? Because too much peace would destroy the balance of everything and life would be so boring as nothing would ever happen; which is why I am here instead of doing a eight year time skip scenario and getting horribly fat on Mcjiggies food like my sister, therefore evil assholes exist to continue making the world an interesting place to live, so just get over it… wimp. We didn't even know who they were so no use crying over characters with no back-story to them, a death occurs almost every second of life you live, the best you can hope for is to protect someone closer to you then someone halfway around the world." Kazooie figured that was all that need to be said on the subject while watching Cass crawl out of her backpack wearing her normal armor and her neck injury was perfectly fine as well.

Ranma stood quietly contemplating over what Kazooie had said, it made some kind of sense to him except the thing about Mcjiggies and coming back to life, but he thought he knew what Kazooie was getting at until she called him a wimp, that just irked him into forgetting that Kazooie had effectively broke the fourth wall yet again.

Video game characters tended to spit death in the eye a lot and they hardly care what happens afterwards, since its usually up to the Belmont's or other random heroes to fight him, Banjo Tooie had the unused Bottles Revenge idea, which even Kazooie admits sounds like a weird idea to give their worlds biggest dork any power whatsoever.

"So… you wouldn't happen to have any healing herbs or medicines in that magical sack of yours squawks, because I don't think those two are going to make it through the night if they have to crawl into this thing on their own strength." Cass said quietly looking quite down with herself for not being able to beat Axle, but it was to be expected when you take on a fallen rocket knight who has obviously gotten quite powerful.

Kazooie tapped the bottom of her beak with her right wing in thought looking for all the world confused about what to give Cass before her mind came to a conclusion of several things that would work, she pulled several objects out of her bag and handed them to Cass who grudgingly excepted the medical stuff with easy to read labels on how to use said stuff.

"Now if you don't mind me asking hag face, can you tell me who the kidnapper was and did he look all dark, mysterious and powerful while acting like he was overcompensating for his lack of ability in getting a date?" Cass looked at Kazooie in confusion at how she could be joking at a time like this, even if it brightened the mood slightly and her description did seem kind of accurate in a way.

**The top of a tower in the castle again.**

The giant spider robots head exploded and its body fell off the side of the castle causing a bunch of Zebulos soldiers to run out of the way as it slammed to the ground and promptly enough released an explosion that went straight up instead of outward.

Sighing to himself that he ended that nightmare of a machine, Sparkster turned and ran through the castle looking for the one person that all Rocket Knights were assigned to protect and considering he was technically the only person around with a rocket pack, he'd have to make do with being the current guardian of the seal as he jetted out of a door to a battlement on another part of the castle, which he had to admit sorely needs a redesign.

**A destroyed battlement.**

"Help, help, help…" Axle got frustrated with the king running around him shouting for help so he turned around and kicked the nuisance who bounced and fell down a set of stairs that led up to this battlement that appeared to have been blown apart in the middle of battle as it led to nothing but empty air over the lakes waters.

As the king flew away from the kick Sparkster came up and glared at Axle, then approached him slowly causing Axle to try and charge his rocket pack while backing up slowly but it didn't react, there was something wrong with it as in either it was overheating or it had been overused.

Again Sparkster approached and Axle back away, but looked to his side and noticed something and smiled wickedly.

"So, that fool Fleagle is useful for something after all." Axle muttered under his breathe, as he held onto Princess Sherry tightly when Sparkster approached again only to cry out in shock as Axle jumped off the battlement.

Sparkster dashed over to the edge to see that Axle and the princess were fine, but they were also inside the head of the Pig Boarone as it floated upwards, the winds it created started pushing Sparkster back who struggled to hop onto the airship, but he was swiftly blasted off the battlement by the wake of the jets as they passed him sending him unconsciously flying towards the wetlands of Zebulos.

"Oh my we still have a rocket knight left, I better go get Bessie and assist him in rescuing my daughter, I wonder if Bessie could pull the cannon… I'm sure she could, but I have no ammunition… oh well, I'm sure I could think of something." The king said having climbed the stairs again; he was acting a bit senile so he could forget what happened to his four guards or at least accept that they did their best in these trying times, he turned around to go get his dinosaur which was basically the kings version of a loyal horse even if it was odd and out of place, it was a zunicertops.

**Not much later…**

The pigs had retreated from the partially destroyed castle and left the Zebulos soldiers to pick up the pieces of their damaged home, the two halberdiers had lived through being attacked by Axle Gear with some severe injuries, but they could still recover.

"Okay your king is seriously weird, first of all he's a dwarf with a beanpole for a daughter with pink hair, second he has a dinosaur as a horse and third I think he just went incredibly senile a few minutes ago." Kazooie said in mildly interested tone as she watches the king from a window as he throws a blue blanket over the dinosaur and hitched an artillery piece to it with a harness, before taking off to who knows where for whatever reason and she turned back to the people at the table she was sitting at.

"If the king is away who will lead and guide our forces, who knows when the pigs will be back all is lost." The least injured knight in the castle said as he was sitting at the table with a moping Ranma who didn't feel like he was protecting people enough with his martial arts, a bored Kazooie who kept flipping her favorite green explosive ovals into her backpack, a angered Cass who wanted to fight the Devotindos Empire with any available forces left and a thoughtful Duke Lazlo who has finally arrived from his successful battle at the outlying village near the castle.

"Oh, so is 'away' your word for it?" After dryly stating this everyone pulled an anime face fault, confusing Kazooie slightly as she never seen so many people acting in synch before.

**Pig Boarone.**

Princess Sherry didn't like her situation one bit but what was she going to do, this guy could easily kill her at any moment and that wasn't the only reason why she was so uncomfortable, it was the fact that he kept stealing odd glances at her for some strange reason like he was expecting her to do or say something something.

This silence was staggering and awkward.

End Chapter.


End file.
